Hints of Me
by 22blue
Summary: Continuation of my one shot One Weekend. Bella and Edward have decided that one weekend wasn't enough for them, but certain rules apply. Rated M for multiple lemons and language. AH
1. I had dessert

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. But I do own everything else.

Thanks so much to my friend and beta Mac as well as sncmom and SueBob for putting up with my indecisiveness of how this story would go. They are also pretty big activity contributors.

If you haven't read One Weekend, I'd suggest you do. Otherwise, this first chapter will make no sense. If you're under 18 – don't read… please.

* * *

"Where are you?" he asked, the urgency in his voice clear to me even over the phone.

I wanted to kick myself for leaving the lake house the way that I had. I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving and not giving him my number, my last name, or any other information. He wouldn't know anything about me, and I wouldn't know anything about him, either. That's the way I wanted it.

But after replaying the weekend over and over again in my mind, I couldn't just end it. I wanted to see him one more time.

"I'm almost home, unfortunately. I do want to see you again, though… soon."

"Is now soon enough? Turn your car around and get your ass back here." And there was that sultry voice again.

"I'm about three hours away," I said laughing. "What are you doing next weekend?"

"No good - I'm out of town. And to be honest, I really don't want to wait that long. Besides, if you want dessert I'm afraid the pears and chocolate sauce won't be any good after today," he teased.

"That _would_ be horrible and such a waste, too," I tsked. Eyeing each exit, I entertained the idea of turning my car around.

"Mmm. It would be… almost tragic. I make one hell of a chocolate sauce, you know."

I took a deep breath and veered onto an exit._ You're playing with fire, Bella._ It was as if my mother was sitting in the seat next to me, clucking her tongue in disapproval. I mentally told the voice in my head to shut up.

It wasn't like I had to go into work the next day, deal with my boss, and clean out my desk. Things could wait another twenty-four hours, right? But if he wasn't available next weekend, did I really want to take a chance on not knowing when I could see him again? That would be a resounding _NO_. Playing with fire or not, I needed to feel Edward's hands on me one more time.

The fuel gauge showed there was just a quarter of a tank left of gas, so I pulled into a Sunoco station.

"I'll bet you do. So, what if I did turn around? Will you have my dessert waiting for me when I arrive?"

Edward chuckled. "Should I wear an apron and serve it to you on a platter, Miss Swan?"

I leaned my head back onto the headrest and giggled while an image of a very naked Edward wearing only a white, frilly apron popped into my mind.

"Yes, that would be perfect," I teased, climbing out of my car.

I was giddy, schoolgirl giddy, from the thought of seeing Edward again. I knew that nothing could result of our tryst together, and I really didn't want it to. But it just didn't feel like it was over.

It had just occurred to me that I still didn't know his last name, and now, thanks to caller ID, he knew mine.

"By the way," I wasn't sure I even wanted to ask this next question as I walked toward the store, "what's your last name?"

"Cullen." His smile was apparent through the phone.

I gnawed at my bottom lip for a moment. _Edward Cullen_. "I'm on my way."

"I'll be waiting."

I pushed the door of the convenience store open to buy a few things for the drive: water, a couple of protein bars for obvious reasons, and a travel-sized bottle of mouth wash. I couldn't have bad breath when I kissed Edward Cullen, now could I?

I turned onto the narrow dirt road that led to Edward's house; my heart quickened when I saw him leaning against the railing of his porch.

He smiled and jogged down the steps toward my car as I parked behind his.

I got out of my car and shut the door behind me. He looked even better looking to me now than he had before. "Hey," I said.

"Come here, you." Edward slid his arm around my lower back and pulled me into him.

His lips were soft and warm against mine, and he tasted like mint and chocolate. My hands were cupped around his unshaven cheeks, our tongues pressing and swirling together. Edward snaked his other hand up my back, his fingers knotting through my hair as he pulled me into him even closer.

We pulled back from each other, only minutely, and I couldn't help but grin widely. He peppered my face with soft kisses – his stubble tickled as it grazed my skin.

"I'm glad you came back," he said.

"Me too." I was probably a little too happy.

Edward grabbed my bag from the car and took me by the hand, leading me into his house. It was open and simple, not what I had imagined at all. I had assumed that he'd have his home decorated professionally with works of masculine and expensive art and high-end electronics. I was way off. The main level was just one, massive open space with huge windows that faced the lake. The house I rented was visible through the windows. I pressed my lips together, trying to suppress a smile, thinking about the first night I saw him - wet, naked, beautiful.

The expanse of the main level, bedecked in tans and creams, seemed to say that Edward liked things simple. A few pieces of furniture faced a colossal stone fireplace that stretched from floor to ceiling. No television, just a couple of wooden shelves heavily stocked with books. A few small paintings and prints were hung throughout, not seeming to symbolize anything. They were just pictures of scenery, nothing I recognized. They could have been places that Edward had been to, or they just could have served the purpose of hanging something on the walls. The only exceptions to the simplicity of his home were the stainless steel appliances in his kitchen. They didn't seem to be the run of the mill selection one would find at Sears, either. Instead, the appliances seemed to have represented the works of art that I assumed he'd have in his home. At that moment, I decided to stop assuming things about Edward.

"Did you need to freshen up at all? The bathroom is through there." Edward pointed toward a hallway off of the living room.

I nodded; admittedly, I had to pee – badly. I picked up my overnight bag as he walked to the refrigerator and opened the glass doors to retrieve a small platter of pears and a smaller bowl, which had to contain his infamous sauce. He winked at me as he placed the dessert on the black, granite counter. If the sauce tasted as good as his kiss had earlier, I thought I'd probably never leave him.

Just as the thought had entered my mind, I pushed it away. There were things that I needed to take care of in the 'real world,' and I reminded myself of that as I walked toward the bathroom. But I wasn't going to let that ruin the moment.

_You're both adults. You're not leading him on. He's just in it for the sex too,_ I told myself.

I would be honest with him and tell him, again, that things were complicated for me and that it probably wouldn't be a good idea to make any promises we couldn't keep. It would most likely end up being one of those things where the 'I'll call you's' would slowly dwindle over time, anyway. There was no doubt in my mind that Edward was anything less than genuine, but I sure as hell didn't want to start up a relationship at this point in my life.

I turned the faucet and let the cold water run for a few seconds, thinking of the divorce papers that were sprawled out over my kitchen table at home. It was just this morning that Edward had asked if I was married – if that was the 'complication' in my life. I had lied to him – sort of – and told him it was nothing like that. Technically, I wasn't married in the sense that I was cheating or running away from a husband. The complication was that I was about to become unemployed and newly divorced. I really didn't know what I wanted to do, let alone get seriously involved with anyone.

Jake and I had been separated for a year after being married for a little over a decade. We were high school sweethearts. There were never any major issues with us; he hadn't cheated and neither had I; he never beat me nor had he ever said anything to make me feel badly about myself. The truth was that Jake was a good guy, and we just fell out of love with each other; it was like being married to a friend instead of a lover. I often questioned if we ever really were in love, the kind of love that two people _should_ share. The entire decision for us to split had been amicable, and I considered myself lucky. We sold our house and divided everything up equally. It was hard and sad, but it was time to move on. I hadn't spoken to Jake in a couple of months… not until the papers arrived.

My head started to ache, and I splashed a little water over my face, my thoughts returning to Edward, and I vowed that I would be honest with him about not making promises.

I brushed a few tangles out of my hair and then brushed my teeth. The mouth wash had left a harsh, antiseptic taste, and there were a couple of disgusting traces of the protein bar in my teeth. My face flushed from the possibility of Edward discovering one of those remnants when he kissed me earlier. Not only would that have been beyond gross, but completely mortifying, too.

Edward was sitting at the island when I returned to the kitchen. An empty stool sat across from him, a single plate holding the dessert with two forks in front of him.

"Better?" he asked. His bright green eyes wrinkled at the corners, just slightly, when he smiled.

"Much better, thank you," I replied. "That looks really good." I took my seat across from him and picked up a fork. I guessed I would be feeding myself, and that was really okay with me.

Edward picked up his fork, slicing a piece of chocolate covered pear with it, put it in his mouth. I was jealous of the fork, watching him as he slid it from between his lips. I copied his movement, taking a smaller piece.

I wanted to talk to him first, before we hopefully jumped into the sack, but the sugary taste and grainy texture of the pear complemented by the sauce was nothing like I'd ever had before. My eyes widened from the surprise.

"What did you put in this?" I asked after swallowing. "It's sweet and warm – not like warm in temperature, but warm in flavor – does that make sense?" Edward raised his eyebrows in amusement as I continued to babble. "And there's another flavor I can't put my finger on. Oh my god, Edward, I can't even begin to describe it." I took another piece, larger this time.

Edward laughed as he speared more of the most delicious dessert I'd ever tasted. "Secret recipe." He crinkled his nose, teasing me. "I'm glad you like it."

I tried not to make a pig of myself, but it was so good. Traces of juice were on the corners of my mouth. Edward rose from his stool and stepped toward me as I used my finger and thumb wiping away the juice. He placed his hands on my face and leaned into kiss me.

"Now that I've given you dessert," he whispered in my ear, "are you going to run away again?"

_Run away? _Okay, it was now or never. "No," I whispered. "I can stay for a while. I want to," I admitted.

Edward took my hands, guiding me away from the stool.

"But we should really talk fir-" He cupped his hands on my face again and sucked my bottom lip into his mouth before I had a chance to finish.

I snaked my arms up his chest and around his neck, my leg between his and his between mine, and pulled him closer. His mouth traced down my neck, nibbling and licking along the way, and my hands quickly found the buttons of his shirt. I popped them open as quickly as I could, struggling not to tear his shirt off of him.

_Talk is overrated_.

My heart pounded as his lips moved to my collar bone and down to my breast. He bit at my puckered nipple through my shirt and bra, and I reached to the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head. Edward held my clothing-bound hands over my head with one hand and traced his fingertips down the inside of my arm. He kissed his way from my elbow to the outside of my bicep and continued his journey down my side to my stomach. Each kiss and touch of his tongue felt as if it left an invisible mark, as though a hole was burning into my skin.

Edward knelt in front of me; as I pulled my hands from their restraints, he unfastened my pants, tugging them and my dampened panties to the floor. He kissed down my thigh to my knee and then to my ankle, lifting one foot and then the other, carefully removing my pants. He licked and bit another path up the inside of my other leg. I tangled my fingers through his hair, bracing myself against him when he nuzzled between my legs. Edward pressed the tip of his tongue into my folds, stroking and flicking at my clit. My legs began to quiver, and I squeezed his hair. He wrapped his arm around my backside while his other hand moved underneath my bra to my breast. I unhooked my bra and tossed it to the floor. Moving my hand over his as he kneaded and rubbed circles around my nipple with his thumb, I stopped caring about anything else. Nothing else mattered - Edward's touch erased the outside world.

I whispered his name, "Edward," as his tongue worked my body like an instrument. He was an amazing composer.

My hips rocked slowly against him; I wanted to hitch my leg around his neck and bury his head into me, my orgasm building. Edward moaned, the tip of his tongue entering me and then his lips sucked my clit into his warm mouth. He moved his hands to my hips, pulling me into him. My hands grasped his hair again, my balance wavering.

I said his name again, louder this time, "Edward," as my muscles clenched inside. He moaned again, as though inviting me to let my orgasm take over. My response was only a whimper, and my body began to tremble. My chest heaved as Edward dug his fingers into my back.

He moved his tongue faster and then he pressed the flat of it against me; I tilted my head back. "Oh, god." I came hard into his mouth. I was light-headed, and my body was weak and shaking after I peaked.

Edward rose from the floor and removed his shirt before kissing me. I could taste myself on his tongue, and I opened his jeans and tugged them down around his hips. Together we took his pants off, and I finally felt his body against mine. Edward lifted me, I wrapped my legs around his hips, and he spun us around, barricading me between him and the wall. My breasts were pressed against his hard chest, and my hands held his face against mine as our mouths frantically kissed each others.

His tip flirted at my entrance. "Fuck me, Edward," I panted.

"Bella." His voice was raspy, and he pushed himself all the way into me. His hips rocked quicker as he moved himself inside of me. His force pressed me harder against the wall, his one hand was pinned behind me and his other grabbed at the wall. I didn't care about the marks I'd undoubtedly have on my back – they'd simply be a memento.

I locked my ankles around him, removing a hand from his hair as I searched for something to hold onto, something to brace against. I wanted to move my hips with his.

"You feel so good, Bella. Jesus, you feel so good." His forehead was buried in the crook of my neck, his breath hot against my skin.

"So do you," I whispered loudly. I couldn't get out all of the words I wanted to say. I was incoherent from Edward being inside me. I wanted to yell toward the heavens and scream hallelujah.

My muscles clenched around him with his every move. My nails dug into the back of his neck with each hard pump of his hips.

Edward moved faster, our lips finding each others again. His tongue danced with mine, and we moaned together as another orgasm approached.

He slowed down. "Bella… condom," he whispered.

I hadn't realized or thought about a condom. "I'm on the pill," I whispered. "Don't stop."

I brought his face back to mine and kissed him, needing to taste his lips. He pumped into me ferociously again and again. Edward's cheek was pressed against mine, and I held my breath, allowing my orgasm to take me over completely.

"Fu-" Edward's deep voice grunted in my ear. He stilled himself, and I could feel him throbbing inside me.

Edward held me against the wall for several moments, kissing my lips. I could still feel him throbbing inside me, albeit slower. He slid me down from the wall, and my knees felt as though they were going to buckle, so I moved my hands up his chest, grasping onto his shoulders.

He scooped me up and carried me over to the oversized couch. Edward lay next to me, removing a blanket that had been resting on the back of it and covered us.

"I know you can't stay," he started, "and I think I know you've got some things going on."

I nodded, listening to him – maybe he'd say it for me. I reminded myself I wouldn't make any promises I couldn't keep.

He continued, "But I don't want it to end here."

I looked into his eyes - they glistened, and my heart started to hammer inside my chest.

I opened my mouth to speak, but he leaned in and pecked a kiss on my lips – his way of shutting me up, I guessed.

"I've got some things going on too," he admitted.

_What things?_ I wanted to ask. I had to be fair, though. I'd only met him a couple of days ago, and it would be best to keep it casual – apparently, for the both of us. This was good, right? This was what I wanted.

"Okay," I said. "What do you suggest?"

My lips pursed, and my palms felt a little sweaty as I waited.

"I really like being with you. I want to be with you, but…" Edward chewed at the inside of his cheek. It was the first time since I met him that he seemed doubtful.

"You want to keep it casual," I said, relieved. Without giving him a chance to reply, I continued, "It's okay, Edward. I really can't jump into something right now either."

He nodded. "Casual… but let's not make some stupid pact that we'll have fun as long as it lasts… that we'll only see each other for as long as it works for the both of us, etc. etc." He waited for me to respond, seemingly watching for a reaction.

"So, you're saying no commitments, no silly _rules_." This could work for me. "Okay, but I can't make any promises. I won't do that to you."

"I'm not asking you to," he said. "You don't have to tell me anything about you if you don't want to." He smiled gently at me, tracing his finger from my temple to my jaw.

"Nothing? You mean I could just use you for your body?" I teased.

"Yup, and I'd be using you for yours," he replied, chuckling.

"Perfect."

* * *

A/N: So they're going to give it a go… Smutty times ahead.


	2. I saw stars

Disclaimer - Twilight isn't mine but dreaming of Edward is.

* * *

Three weeks had passed since Edward and I had been together, three very long weeks of becoming acclimated to my new position with the same company. Twelve, thirteen, even fourteen hour days seemed to morph into the next - my office had become my new home. The few hours I did spend at home, I'd hardly slept. That deprivation had been worry-inspired. After a lifetime of being either the other half of someone, or the daughter of another, I'd finally come into my own, and I found that I thrived on that feeling.

It was early Monday morning when I arrived home after seeing Edward. I had called work to let Angela, my co-worker, know that I wouldn't be in until the afternoon. I was exhausted. Edward and I had stayed up most of the night talking, kissing… other things. To be honest, I didn't want to get back to reality so soon.

I still hadn't told him anything too personal about me, and he hadn't shared anything about himself either, but we _had_ come to an agreement.

Edward had suggested when – he emphasized _when_ – one of us wanted to see the other, they would be the one to make the arrangements. I still didn't know what 'things' he had going on in his life. For almost a month, different scenarios spun through my mind: bad break-up, womanizer, Witness Protection Program, but none of that mattered - he was to be my escape, my reward at the end of the day. _Justification through equal desires_, I had convinced myself.

Edward had called about a week after we had seen each other, and asked when I might be available. I was a little surprised by how soon he called and found myself whipping through the calendar on my Blackberry eagerly searching for a Saturday. He emailed me directions and a cryptic list of things to pack.

I had also signed the divorce papers and dropped them off at the attorney's office during the weeks prior. I had called Jake when I received the papers, and he had asked if I was sure it was really over between us. What I had mistaken for hope was actual relief; he immediately announced that he had been seeing someone else for a couple of months. Her name was Leah and he swore they hadn't been dating for very long. Jake's announcement was a fist to my gut. It didn't matter that we had been out of love for so long - he still had been mine for over a decade.

My mother had even tried to talk me out of signing the divorce papers. She said, "_Good men are hard to come by, Bella. You really should hang on to Jake. You'll be lonely when you get old."_ It hadn't been worth arguing with her – our differences rarely were. We'd disagreed enough with each other to last a lifetime. Whether it was a decision to cut my hair a certain way or what color to paint my bedroom, my mother had an opinion on everything, and it was always contrary to mine.

So many things had happened, life changing things, in the past few weeks and I couldn't wait to get back to Edward. My new job was the biggest of them all. I'd been fully prepared to confront my boss about the incident at the company barbeque, clean out my desk, and call my attorney regarding the sexual harassment charges I'd intended to press against Mike. It would have been a bluff, really. I was confident he wouldn't fight the charges, especially if his wife were to discover all of the perks he'd been enjoying over the past several years. What I hadn't expected was what – or who - was waiting for me in his office when I arrived. It still made me shake my head in disbelief thinking about it.

"_Bella," Angela said. "Mike wants to see you in his office… now." Angela raised her eyebrows – she was obviously worried. _

"_Shit," I replied under my breath. "Thanks, Ang."_

_I wondered if he'd found out about the lake house as I walked the short distance to Mike's office, and then I reminded myself that I was not in the wrong. Well, technically I was, I'd still stand up to the prick and threaten him with exposure to his wife by explaining his unprovoked advances, if need be. _

_I straightened my skirt and stood tall as I opened the door to Mike's office. My knees literally buckled as I stepped through the threshold. The surgically-enhanced Mrs. Newton was sitting behind his desk. She only made appearances at the office a few times per year. Mike stood next to the picture window, his shoulders drooping._

Fuck me. _She knew._

"_Good morning. You wanted to see me?" I asked, struggling to keep my voice steady._

"_Good morning, Bella," Mrs. Newton said. "How was your weekend?"_

Fuck me twice. _I assumed she had to have known just by the sarcastic tone in her voice. My threat of exposing Mike for the worthless ass he was would be useless if his wife already knew about the house. Mike could be handled, but Tanya Newton was a different story._

"_Great. Too short as always. Yours?" I inwardly rolled my eyes at my feeble attempt at small talk._

"_Let's get to the point, Bella. You've been working for this company for how long now?" she asked. _

_I folded my hands in front of me. "Six and a half years."_ Six and a half godforsaken years under the creepy eyes and quick hands of your husband.

"_Would you say that you have a handle on how this company is operated? What I mean is… you've worked for my husband for quite some time, correct?"_

_I nodded, wondering where she was going with this. If she was going to outright fire me or demand payment for the lake house, I wished she'd just hurry up and get on with it. _

"_You don't know me very well, Bella, but I know you. I know what kind of work you do, and believe me I know that my husband couldn't be as successful as he's been if it hadn't been for you… and me, of course. Have a seat." She motioned to the leather chair in front of her._

_Hesitantly, I sat in the chair and crossed my legs, preparing to listen to a rehearsed speech of what an asset I've been to the company, but I was going to be fired anyway. My foot wriggled nervously as I waited._

"_Now, that being said, I also know that you refused to give my husband a blow job last week." Her eyes darted toward Mike. He sighed heavily, seemingly shrinking into his Armani suit._

_My eyes widened as I looked back and forth between the two wondering how she found out. She had been no where in sight when Mike had cornered me in the foyer of their oversized house. _

"_And I also know that you enjoyed a little vacation this weekend paid for by this company."_

Fuck. Me. Thrice_. It was second grade all over again. I felt like I was sitting in the principal's office for stealing Lauren Mallory's cookie at lunch. _

_At that moment, I was sure I'd lost my job and performed mental math to try and balance my checking account._

"_Mrs. Newton," I started, "I'd like to explain." Maybe she'd give me a decent reference… or maybe not._

_Mrs. Newton raised her finger. "Let me finish. I admire you, Bella. You wouldn't believe the number of wannabes who have pleasured my husband over the years, all hoping to either become the next Mrs. Newton," she paused to laugh for a moment, and I knew exactly who she was talking about: Jessica, in Accounting. _

"_Forgive me." Regaining her composure, she continued. "Or hope to acquire some sort of promotion or whatever the reason they'd unforgivably want to blow my husband," she said, waving her hand dismissively. The strands of diamonds wrapped around her wrist distracted me momentarily. Her bracelet could pay for five year's worth of my mortgage and then some. "But you're the first one to refuse and take recourse. A very creative recourse, I might add."_

"_Thank you?" I said, and pursed my lips. Now I was completely lost. Was the woman going to fire me or give me an award? And how did she know that I didn't plan the weekend on a whim?_

"_Here's the deal. I'd like you to take over this position."_

"_What?" I choked out. I wondered if the silicone had leaked out of one of her implants and into her bloodstream, suffocating her brain. "Mrs. Newton, I don't know anything about running this office," I admitted. Sure, I'd prepared enough flow charts, budget reports, and whatever else Mike needed, but I had never held a managerial position before. And I didn't think running the salad station at Taco Bell when I was sixteen would have qualified. _

"_You already do. I think you know that."_

_No, I really didn't know that._

_I looked over to Mike as he stood by the window, shaking his head. _

"_Oh, don't worry about him. Mr. Newton is going to be shipped off to our satellite office in Alaska."_

_Alaska? I suppressed a laugh thinking of Mike surrounded by burly loggers._

"_Mrs. Newton, I'm not sure," I said. This was all happening so fast. It was certainly more appealing than waiting in line at the unemployment office._

"_You don't give yourself enough credit. What's it going to be? If you don't want it, I'm sure I can find someone else within the hour that would be _grateful_ for the opportunity. You can return to your desk next to all of the other assistants, if you'd prefer." She leaned back in her chair and tapped her perfectly manicured nails on the desk._

_So I wouldn't be fired if I said no, per se, but who knew if whomever she put in this position would turn out to be an even bigger ass._

_I furrowed my brow, thinking about the offer that had just fallen into my lap. I was still dreaming – I had to be. Actually, no. If I had been dreaming then Edward would be sexing me up on the desk right now. I couldn't help but chuckle from the thought._

_Mrs. Newton glared at me. _

_I gnawed on the inside of my cheek as I mulled over her offer a few moments longer. _

_Independence. It had a nice ring to it._

"_Yes," I replied. "I'll take it." _

"_Good. We're done here. You'll need to go upstairs to Human Resources. You can move your things in tomorrow morning." _

_Mrs. Newton rose from her chair, I followed, as she extended her hand._

"_I expect long hours and weekends too."_

"_Understood," I said, shaking her hand. "However, I won't be available _every_ weekend. I do have engagements coming up." I waited nervously for her response. _

_Tanya Newton, owner and CEO of Denali Corporation, was one of the few females that held a position of authority. If I was going to be the next woman (and probably the youngest) invited into the boy's club, I needed to show her, before anyone else, that I was capable of standing my ground. _

"_Fine."_

_I walked toward the door, still in shock from what had just happened. As I opened it, Mrs. Newton called, "And, Bella… don't fuck up."_

My packing list for the weekend was simple: a couple of pairs of jeans, sweatshirts, thick socks, and a decent pair of hiking boots. Edward emphasized the word _decent_ in his email. We had emailed and texted each other more than we had called. It was easier. But I missed his voice. I missed it more than I thought I would have.

It was evident that we were going hiking, and that was fine, but I hoped it was going to be along a clearly marked trail and not a random walk through the woods directed by a compass or the position of the sun in the sky. I really wasn't an outdoorsy type of girl. I also prayed for indoor plumbing.

I followed the directions Edward had emailed to me until I reached the huge brown and green wooden sign: Shenandoah National Park. Edward said he'd meet me in the welcome area, but when I drove in I didn't see his green Porsche, and I was already fifteen minutes late. My palms became a little sweaty from the thought of him changing his mind.

Climbing out of my car, I walked to the rear and leaned against the trunk. I scanned the parking lot again and noticed a man getting out of a black SUV about ten yards away. He was wearing jeans and a dark blue, flannel shirt. He had the same copper-colored hair as Edward and when he looked in my direction, I couldn't help but grin, realizing the man _was_ Edward. My nipples saluted him as a fantasy of having sex with lumber jack Edward up against a tree ran through my mind. What was a little bark on the back between friends?

He began to walk toward me, and I yelled, "Where's the Porsche?" shoving my car keys into my back pocket.

"At home!" he replied and jogged across the dirt parking lot.

_How many cars did he have?_ I wondered.

"It's so good to see you," I confessed, decidedly not asking about the SUV.

My hands reached toward him as if they had a mind of their own – I needed to feel him.

"It's really good to see you too. You look beautiful." I blushed as he leaned in to kiss me; his lips were just as soft and warm as I had remembered. I closed my eyes and breathed him in. He smelled like clean laundry and oak.

"Ready?" he asked.

"More than you know. What do you have planned for us, Mr. Cullen?" _A nice cabin deep in the woods, a roaring fire?_

"You'll see. Lock up your car. We need to take the truck where we're going." He snickered, and I had a strange feeling that a cozy little cabin for two wasn't happening.

I looked toward his SUV and saw a mound of green nylon pressing against the back window. Camping gear? Communal bathrooms littered with spiders and probable stopped-up toilets _or_ no indoor plumbing whatsoever? Given the two choices, I'd hoped for the latter.

"We're camping? As in tents and sleeping bags camping?" I asked, wrinkling my forehead.

"You don't like camping, do you?" he asked, grimacing.

I felt a twinge of guilt for giving him the idea I wouldn't be up for this, so I lied.

"What gives you that idea? I love it! In fact, I went camping just last week," I said, shrugging… lying.

He laughed. "Last week, huh?" Edward stepped back, shoving his hands in his pockets, seemingly sizing me up and down. "Don't lie. You hate camping, don't you?"

"No, I don't!" I protested. "I love being one with nature and peeing in the woods. It's fantastic!"

Honestly, the last time I had been camping was with my older brother, Emmett, and our mom and dad when I was seven. I was pretty sure I liked it then, but that was twenty-two years ago.

"Mm hmm, you're not very convincing." Edward reached toward me, grabbing onto my belt loop, and pulled me into him. He wrapped his arms around me and then swept my hair away from my neck, his cheek suddenly against mine. "We can do something else if you want," he whispered.

I squeezed him into me for a moment, loving his voice in my ear.

"Not a chance. I'm up for anything you have planned." I tilted my head back to look at him and pulled my keys from my pocket, jingling them between us. "You can get my bag from my car, Grizzly Adams. I'm going to say goodbye to civilization by using the ladies room."

After about twenty-five minutes of driving along the extremely bumpy and mostly desolate road, we had finally turned into a small clearing. It really didn't look any different from the scenery we'd passed along the way, except for the seclusion. We had driven by a few small cabins and dirt paths, a hiker or two. It wasn't until the last few minutes of the drive that I realized just _how_ alone Edward and I would be.

The thought of being so very alone with Edward made me smile as we exited his truck and walked to the rear of it to unload the supplies. My mother would have called me crazy for trusting a stranger so completely. She'd undoubtedly claim he would probably hack me up into tiny pieces and bury the evidence. That's why she'd never know about Edward. There was no way she was going to hang her black rain cloud over this too.

Edward had the tent spread out on the ground and began to hammer the steel fasteners into the soil. I busied myself by arranging the cooler and the other gear in an open space nearby while simultaneously studying Edward's body - mostly the way his jeans hugged his ass - as he worked.

"What's this?" I asked, holding a black plastic container that had a Save the Bears emblem stamped on the lid.

Edward stopped hammering and looked in my direction. "It's a bear-proof canister," he replied casually.

"Huh. So… we might see a bear?" I swallowed a lump that had risen in my throat as he nodded and tried to seem indifferent about the possibility of being eaten by a three-hundred pound animal with razor-sharp teeth and piercing claws that were most likely larger than my head. "How, um… many do you think? One, two?"

Edward looked toward me again and then shifted his body so that I only saw his back.

"Maybe. Maybe more," he said.

"More? Like how _many_ more, Edward?" I crossed my arms in front of my chest, looking around the woods.

I thought I saw his body shake just a little. "You're not scared of a few bears, are you?" His voice cracked and then he cleared his throat.

He looked at me over his shoulder, the corners of his mouth twitching. He was laughing at me.

I shook my head, setting the canister down on the cooler and walked toward Edward, kneeling in front of him. "Me? No. But if one chases us, I _will_ trip you and save myself."

Edward glanced at me and smiled. "Not if I trip you first. You're a little scrawny, Swan. I doubt if you could out run me anyway."

The two of us stood at the same time. Edward walked toward me as I moved backwards to the next corner of the tent that needed to be secured.

"I may be scrawny, Cullen, but I'm very, very fast." I said, quirking my eyebrow.

"Are you?" he asked, biting his full, bottom lip.

Warmth flooded me.

We knelt. Edward picked up the metal rod and held it in place.

"I am." I feathered my fingers along the top of his hand. "And I don't think I'd taste as good as you anyway."

I started to stand, but he grabbed my hand, guiding me back down. He snaked his palm to the back of my neck, pulling me to him, our lips almost touching. "That's where you're wrong, Swan." His head tilted, the tip of his tongue tracing the edge of my bottom lip. "I've already tasted you and you're more than appetizing."

The early September air turned cool after the sun set. Crickets chirped softly in the distance, a background melody against the crackling of the fire. I nestled closer to Edward as we lay on a thick, wool blanket next to the low, orange blaze, our feet tangled. My entire body was a little sore from the long walk we had taken earlier in the day, but even lying on the hard ground, being in Edward's arms, I was more content than if I'd been in my own bed.

He smelled like dried leaves and smoke from the fire. I audibly inhaled his scent as he stared up at the sky, burning it into my memory.

"What are you doing?" he asked softly.

"Remembering you," I whispered. I tilted my head back to look at him; he continued to stare straight up at the sky, his expression unreadable.

Edward raised his hand, pointing toward the sky, and said, "Do you see that - the three stars in a row?"

Rolling onto my back, I rested my hand on his thigh. "Mm hmm."

"That's the belt of Orion. See the two stars below the belt? They're supposed to be his feet?"

I nodded.

"Okay, look at the right one, the brightest." Then he moved his finger in a winding path south from the star. "It's a little hard to see if you're not familiar with it, and you'd never be able to see it if it weren't so black out here, but can you see the trail of stars that stop right there?"

I wasn't sure if I saw what he did. I saw the bright constellation of Orion, but the group of stars he was trying to show me wasn't as clear. There were so many more stars, thousands of silver glints against the black backdrop, all of them hidden back in reality.

"Show me again."

He moved the arm he had around me, scooting down so that our eyes were level and lacing his fingers through mine. Retracing his finger toward the sky, he asked, "Can you see it?"

Squinting my eyes, I followed his finger as he traced the path a few more times. "Yeah, I think so."

"It's Eridanus – a river. The myth is Phaethon was the son of Helios, the sun god. He wanted to drive his father's chariot through the sky, but Helios didn't think that Phaethon was strong enough to handle the white horses that pulled it. Phaethon was too cocky for his own good, though, and after incessantly badgering his father, Helios finally relented and allowed his son to drive his chariot." I remained quiet, just listening. Edward's tone was low, unchanging. "Phaethon was reckless and lost control of the reins, causing the sun to come too close to the earth. Zeus was afraid the earth would burn and sent a lightening bolt, killing Phaethon, causing him to fall into the Eridanus. The myth is that the river still steams from his burning body."

Edward sucked in his breath, as if to say more, but he didn't. Instead, he was quiet for a few moments. I didn't ask why he told me the legend.

He rolled on top of me, cocooning us in the blanket. Edward leaned in and took my upper lip into his mouth. His tongue softly pressed against mine, and I cupped my hands against his face.

He slowly pressed his hips against me, and I began to unbutton his shirt. Edward rose to his knees, swiftly removing his shirt. The two of us undressed ourselves, our eyes not breaking contact. Our clothes strewn around the ground beside us, Edward lay back on top of me. I spread my knees and knotted my fingers through his hair as he slowly entered me.

We continued to look into each other's eyes - the reflection of the fire dancing in his - as he moved deeper inside of me. He was gentle, and our hips moved together. He rested his forehead on my shoulder, the full weight of him on me. It should have been uncomfortable against the itchy, wool blanket and being pressed into the hard ground, but it wasn't. His heart pounded steady and strong against my chest as I pulled him tighter against me with my legs. My pulse responded to his, our hearts rhythmically in sync.

Neither of us said a word. The crickets seemed to have knowingly stopped chirping. The only sounds were that of the fire beside us and our huffs of breath with each guided movement from Edward's hips.

I squeezed his hair in my fingers and clenched him tightly inside of me. Edward lifted his head and looked back to me with heavy eyes. I wanted to read his mind. As he breathed out, I breathed him in, needing to taste him, feel him.

Edward and I moved together a little faster, still gentle but strong, as the surge of elation came closer. He was all of the way inside of me and pressed his face against mine. My body began to quiver, as did his, reaching our orgasms at the same time. My cheek felt damp under his, and he moved his head to softly suck at my neck.

He kissed up the line of my jaw, under my chin, and then to my mouth.

I moved my fingers to his mouth while he kissed me, faintly touching his bottom lip as if it might shatter.

Edward rested his forehead against mine as he traced his hand down my side. He pulled back slightly, still inside of me, and looked into my eyes - his glistened.

He smiled slightly. "I don't want tomorrow to come," he said softly.

Neither did I.

* * *

a/n: Huge, huge, huge thanks to Mac, SueBob, and sncmom for reading this chapter a little more than they wanted to.

ms_ambrosia from Twilighted has made the most beautiful banner for this story. Check it out if you get a chance. astrosky84 - I hope you think this chapter is ek.


	3. I blew out a candle

Sitting in my car as it idled, I shook my head. It was oddly dark. I left the living room light on this morning just as I always did when I knew I'd be working late. The extra number of cars, some strange and some familiar, parked along my street was yet another giveaway. This was something I really didn't need, especially today after my assistant announced she was quitting because her husband was going to be transferred overseas within the next month.

I asked them not to do this.

Debating on whether to put the car in reverse and drive the three-plus hours to Edward's or go inside just get it over with, unfortunately, I chose the latter.

I should have chosen Edward. I hadn't seen him in almost two weeks and we hadn't really spoken all that much either. It wasn't as if the communication between our previous weekends together was any less, but it wasn't any more either. I missed him. I missed him a lot more than I wanted to admit.

When he told me the myth about the constellation I still wasn't sure I'd really seen on the night we camped together, there was something definitely on his mind. He made love to me with an emotional intensity I'd never felt before, not even with Jake, and through it all, I felt _him_. I felt his pulse and tasted his breath when he was inside me. It scared and comforted and thrilled me all at the same time.

But I didn't ask. I didn't have the nerve to ask him, and I played it off the next morning too. So did he, at least I was pretty sure he did. When I woke up and peeked out of the tent, he was all smiles and beautiful and manly in his flannel shirt while warming a pot of coffee over the fire. A million 'what if's' ran through my mind and I asked myself _Why ruin it?_ How much did I really want to know Edward, but more importantly, how much did I want him to know me? We parted just as we had the previous time; with a kiss and an "I'll see you soon."

A swarm of people - family, friends, strangers - had gathered in my tiny house shouting, "Surprise!" as soon as I walked through the front door.

I should have chosen Edward.

It was my thirtieth birthday. The big 3-0. I had asked them _not_ to go out of their way and do anything over-the-top, but that's exactly what they did. Black balloons, yellow and black cautionary over-the-hill decorations (clearly my mother's version of humor at work), and a huge sheet cake adorned with black roses and _Happy Birthday Bella_ scrawled in black over white icing. The only saving grace of the entire evening was my white chocolate birthday cake with raspberry filling came from my favorite bakery – the pink box on the kitchen counter gave it away.

Most of the guests I knew. Those I didn't know predictably turned out to be friends of Renee - each of them glancing sorrowfully toward my empty ring finger with every introduction.

James, my three-year-old nephew who shared the same flaxen hair as his mother, Rose, and the same vast dimples as my brother, ran straight at me and squeezed my leg.

"Happy day, Aunt Bella!" he shouted.

"Thanks, little man," I replied and ruffled his curly hair. Maybe the cake wasn't the only saving grace of the evening.

James was sweet and lovable, but a handful – so much like his dad. He was a daredevil and never seemed to be afraid of anything. I wondered how Rose managed to keep up with both him and Emmett, especially now since she was pregnant with their second baby and due any day.

I craned my neck, searching for my brother and sister-in-law. A booming voice called my name from behind me, and I smiled.

"Happy Birthday, Baby Sis!" As I turned around, Emmett already had me in his arms and a foot off of the floor.

"Can't. Breathe. Emmett."

"Oh, sorry." He laughed and plopped me back down on the floor. James, once again, hitched to my leg, was tugging at my skirt to gain my attention.

"Happy Birthday, Bella!" Rose called, making her way through the crowd. She was gorgeous, as usual.

"Thanks, Rose," I said, hugging her and kissed her on the cheek. "I thought it was just going to be us tonight. What happened?"

Emmett rolled his eyes and pointed his thumb over his shoulder toward our mom. James continued to jump up and down, calling my name.

"You know how she is, Bella. When she gets her mind set on something, there's no stopping her," he qualified.

I dismissively shook my head while patting James on his head. "I-"

_Ouch. Motherfu-cheeseandrice._ A searing pain shot right above my knee. I looked down to find James latched onto my leg by his teeth.

"James!" Rose shrieked as he giggled and ran away. "Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry. Are you okay? I swear I'm going to have to buy a rawhide for that kid."

Nodding, I grimaced and rubbed my leg. I wondered how bad of a bruise he'd leave this time. "Why is he still biting? And why does he only seem to bite me?" I asked jokingly – sort of.

"Take it as a compliment, Sis. It's his way of showing you how much he loves you," Emmett teased. Rose smiled apologetically before waddling after James.

"Yeah, well, let's try to teach him another way, okay?" From my periphery, I noticed Renee walking toward us, smiling hugely. "Because there'll be no more free babysitting for you if the next one pops out and tries to sink their teeth into me," I warned, poking him in the chest.

"Happy Birthday, Sweetheart. Aren't these decorations a hoot?" Renee announced. She wrapped her arms around me, hugging me tightly against her.

"Thanks, Mom." I pulled back, pursing my lips. "A little over-the-top, though, don't you think?" I said, motioning to the crowd. "And what happened to a quiet family dinner?"

"Oh, Bella. You only turn thirty once, and you may as well go out with a bang!" she cackled.

_Go _out_ with a bang?_

"Mom!" Emmett chided, the two of us staring at her in amazement.

"What?" Renee laughed as she shrugged and clicked her tongue. "You know that's not what I meant. It's a new era, that's all. Twenties are gone, thirties are here." She waved her hands flamboyantly and eyed me from head to toe. "Bella, you should go change. No need to look all hoity-toity in your fancy suit."

"Mom, I just got home from work. What did you…"

She peered around Emmett's massive stature, ignoring me, and waved to someone from across the room. "Oh, there's Claudia. I need to go say hello."

Renee scooted between us, waving her hands, again, and yelling her friend's name in a pitch so high, I thought I heard glass shatter.

I stared back at Emmett, gnawing on the inside of my cheek. After thirty years, you'd think I'd be used to her snide comments, but they still stunned me every time.

"She's drunk, Belly. Don't let her get to you." Emmett was the only one who called me Belly and had done so ever since we were kids.

"Uh huh, easy for you to say, Em - you're never the recipient of her opinions."

"So _not_ true. She told Rose this morning to _take_ me to get a hair cut before the party," Emmett scrubbed the top of his shorter, brown hair, "and told her what shirt to dress me in tonight."

"She did not," I gasped.

Emmett smirked and closed his eyes, nodding. "Yup."

"How much has she had to drink?" My mom was such a light-weight; she'd have a few glasses of wine on special occasions or holidays, which always made things interesting. She was louder and even more opinionated than usual. Renee and alcohol were never a good combination.

Emmett answered my question by holding up two fingers. _Perfect_. She could potentially still down another two glasses. Maybe I could slip her a Mickey, and then Emmett and I could stow her in the spare bedroom for the rest of the night.

I looked around the crowd for any other familiar faces. There were a couple of people from work, family friends, but no signs of my dad or stepdad.

"Where are Dad and Phil?" I asked.

"Phil's around somewhere, probably hiding from Mom," Emmett chortled, "and Sue and Dad should be here any minute – he had to work late. There's a ton of food, do you want anything?"

I shook my head. "No, thanks. I'll get something later."

Emmett proceeded to tell me I needed to grab a plate full of wings and coleslaw Rose had made before it was all gone. She was an amazing cook and mastered everything from basic wings to filet mignon. Emmett excused himself to help Rose with James, who seemed to be on a sugar high as he darted back and forth, around, and between people's legs, shouting at the top of his lungs, "I'm Batman, I'm Batman!" with one of my white bath towels tied around his neck like a cape. He hadn't broken anything yet, but in that moment James could have been the poster boy for birth control – which reminded me that I needed to take mine.

For the next several minutes, I was polite and made small-talk with several guests, thanked them for coming, and assured Renee's friends I was perfectly happy being single and thirty… _and screwing a man I barely knew, _I added internally.

My dad and his wife, Sue, finally arrived. We chatted for a while, and my dad handed me a small box wrapped in light blue, foil paper. Sue, who was the polar opposite of my mom and so good for my dad, squeezed Charlie's arm as I opened it.

"Dad, Sue!" I squealed. "This is too much!" My hands trembled, retrieving the silver diamond pendant necklace from its box. "How can you afford this?"

"Hey, you only turn thirty once, kid," he said, and then looked toward the decorations. "It should be celebrated, not mourned. And don't worry about the cost, Bella. It really wasn't that much."

Sue rolled her eyes at Charlie, which told me the necklace probably cost more than he should have paid on a cop's salary. "Turn around, Bella let me help you put it on."

"It's beautiful. Thank you both… so much." I hugged Sue and then Charlie, and he whispered, "You're welcome," into my ear.

I could feel Charlie's arms grow tense and then heard an all too familiar voice behind me.

"Happy Birthday, Bella," Jake said.

_Fuck._

I turned around and forced a smile. "Thanks, Jake. How nice of you to come." He gave me a small gift bag – I didn't open it.

Honestly, I really didn't mind that he was here; it was just awkward. But what I did mind was how Renee gushed over him.

Jake bid hello to Charlie and Sue, shaking both of their hands before being almost tackled by Renee. She hugged him and told him how much she missed him. I loudly asked where Leah was, hoping to shut my mother up, to which he replied that she was waiting in the car. _Really?_

Charlie, my hero, told Jake that it was nice of him to _stop by_ and led him to the front door, and Jake turned to wish me a happy birthday again. It was a very strange sixty seconds.

I started to feel a little smothered, as if the air around me had suddenly become thick, and excused myself under the pretense of needing to change out of my suit and into something more comfortable.

Closing and locking the door to my bedroom behind me, I threw my purse and Jake's gift onto the bed. The party noises were still there, but muffled. I changed into a pair of jeans and a mother-approved, purple sweater, flopped onto my bed and audibly sighed.

Biting my bottom lip, I stared at my purse for a few moments and wondered what Edward was doing. No one would miss me for a few minutes, so I pulled my cell phone out of my purse and texted him.

**Busy?**

I held my phone tightly in my hands, waiting for a reply. The next three minutes seemed like three hours until he finally answered.

**Never too busy for you. What's up?**

What's up… hmm - _I want to see you. I want to feel your hands all over me. I want your lips on mine_. Just thinking about it made my nipples hard. I decidedly did not text any of those thoughts, though.

**Nothing. Wanted to see what you were up to**_._ _Coward_.

I waited for a painfully long period of time for him to reply. Maybe he really was busy and just being polite. It _was_ Friday night after all, and I couldn't expect him to be sitting around doing nothing.

I'd give him another few minutes to text me back. If he didn't, I would text _him_ to tell him I'd talk to him tomorrow because I wasn't sure how long I'd be able to avoid leaving my bedroom.

Tapping my cell phone as I held it, I waited for his response and wondered if the saying was really true: a watched pot never boils.

The shril ring of my cell startled me, but I grinned widely, recognizing the number on the caller ID.

"Cullen," I said, loving the way my tongue curled when I said his last name.

"Swan," he replied. "So, what's a pretty girl like you doing home on a Friday night?" His sweet voice in my ear was almost the perfect birthday present. Having him beside me in my bed would have been the perfect one.

"I want to see you." _Shit_. That's not what I meant to say. Sure, that's what I wanted, but for some odd reason my mouth trumped my brain. I intended to have a quick, flirtatiously witty conversation. "I mean, I know it's short notice, but if you're busy I-"

"I'm not busy," Edward said with a hint of excitement in his voice. "What did you have in mind?"

I racked my brain trying to think of a place somewhere in the middle where we could meet. There was a seemingly nice hotel I noticed when I drove down to see him before, and thought it might work.

"Well, can I email you the specifics a little later? I need to see if the place I'm thinking of has any availability." I nervously chewed on my thumbnail, hoping this hotel was as nice on the inside as it appeared on the outside - and that I could find it online.

"What if it doesn't? Does that mean I won't get to see you?" he asked with a sound of jest in his voice. My heart sunk at the thought of postponing our impromptu weekend.

I closed my eyes, shaking my head, knowing what I was about to say went against my rule – our rule – of keeping things casual. "It doesn't matter. I'll find something, or I'll drive down to your place." I wondered if I sounded heartfelt or just plain desperate.

Edward was quiet for a moment. Maybe I _had_ sounded desperate and he was turned off, and why had I suddenly become a self-conscious fifteen-year-old girl?

"Let me know, and I'll be wherever you tell me to be," he stated.

*****

Sleep was almost non-existent. By the time everyone left the party, it was close to one in the morning. Rose mentioned I was noticeably more relaxed and possibly glowing when I came out of my bedroom. I shrugged off her comment, but by the way she squinted her eyes at me, I could tell she knew something was up. Rose could be trusted not to pry or make a big deal about Edward, but I wasn't ready to explain the whole 'using each other for sex' part just yet, which meant any conversations about Edward in general were off limits.

Luckily, the hotel I'd thought of did have an available room and from the pictures online, it seemed really nice. Pitching a tent with Edward was great and admittedly kind of fun, but sleeping with Edward in a soft, cushy bed and having room service delivered to us would be even better.

I checked in an hour earlier than when I told Edward I would meet him and asked the clerk to tell Edward I would meet him in the room. I imagined waiting for him in bed wearing the new lingerie I had purchased earlier in the week. The black, lacy bra and panty set had been intentionally bought just for him, but I didn't realize I'd be wearing it so soon.

The room was as it had looked online: a king-sized bed, a view of green, rolling hills, and a bathtub built for two. I checked the clock and still had time to shower. Not that I needed to - I just had the urge to smell nice for him.

After showering, blow-drying, scrubbing my teeth, and primping to achieve a look that seemed as if I hadn't primped at all, I slid into my bra and panties and crawled into bed and waited.

And waited.

I began drumming my fingertips on the bed after thirty minutes had passed. I checked my cell phone to see if he left a message to say he would be late – nothing – and then I flopped my head back on the pillow and switched on the television. I found myself scanning through channels to see if there were any reports of multiple car pile-ups, or bombs that might have been dropped on I-81 and then rolled my eyes at myself. Maybe I really was desperate. I finally settled on a DIY landscaping show to occupy the wait.

More minutes passed, and I was so involved in the host's lessons on how to rid a garden of grub worms, I almost didn't hear the _click_ of the keycard outside the door. Frantically, I turned off the television, threw the remote on the other side of the room, smoothed out my hair and arranged the sheets as seductively around me as I could within two seconds.

Edward entered the room, tossing his duffle in a chair, and with a couple of long strides he was at the edge of the bed. I reached out to him, a look of apology written on his face he languidly crawled on top of me.

"I'm sorry I'm late," he whispered as he lowered himself onto me and nuzzled against my cheek. "You smell so good," he said, inhaling at my neck. I smiled, glad to have taken that shower.

His smell of clean laundry and a subtle hint something else, sage maybe, wafted all around me. Edward dragged his lips up the side of my neck, teasing me with the tip of his tongue along the way, every inch of my skin becoming alert to his presence.

"It's okay, but don't let it happen again," I said sarcastically, removing the barrier of the sheet that was between us. Edward rose and straddled me - his eyes travelled down my body, and he grinned, seemingly pleased with my selection of fuck-me-wear.

Edward bit his bottom lip as he slowly traced his finger from the center of my collarbone down between my breasts, continuing toward my stomach. He stopped at the edge of my panties, sliding his thumb inside to circle my clitoris.

"I'm really, really sorry I'm so late," he said as he glided my leg out from between his and laid my calf over his shoulder. His thumb pressed a little firmer against me and he licked the sensitive area behind my knee. Edward kissed and nibbled up and down my thigh and then stopped abruptly, removing his thumb.

"What happened?" he asked concerned, obviously noticing the bruise and teeth marks above my knee.

"I have a nephew. He likes to bite," I admitted. Edward smiled faintly, nodding once. I wasn't sure, but his face seemed to harden slightly.

"Does it hurt?" he asked and resumed kissing my thigh, his face softening again. I shook my head, lying about the pain.

Edward's hands moved down my sides, leaving a trail of goose bumps in their wake. As good as it felt, foreplay wasn't necessary.

"Take off your clothes, Cullen," I said.

He quirked his brow while I nodded in encouragement. "Demanding, aren't we?" he chortled and scooted off the bed.

I shrugged, moving out of bed to stand in front of him. He unbuttoned his white, cotton shirt while I unfastened his khakis, tugging them down his hips. Edward leaned in to kiss me, toeing off his shoes. His mouth was warm and urgent against mine and he tasted like mint.

Edward leaned down, taking off his pants and boxer briefs as I tangled my fingers through his soft, messy hair. He knelt in front of me, pulling my panties down my legs. As he rose, I left one hand on the base of his neck, pulling his head toward mine. He moaned as I cupped and massaged his crotch with my other hand. Edward moved his hands around my waist, our kisses becoming ardent as our tongues thrust into each others mouths. Our bodies pressed together, I pulled his length between my legs, teasing him with my wetness.

He moved his lips to my ear, and sounding almost feral, he whispered, "How do you want it?" as he unfastened my bra.

I squeezed his cock harder, licked up the side of his neck, and bit his earlobe. "Hard."

Edward yanked my bra down my arms and threw it to the floor. He leaned down to my breast, sucking and flicking my nipple with his tongue.

"Edward," I whispered, my entrance throbbing for him.

"Tell me," he said against my breast, his fingers dancing around my swollen clit. "Tell me how hard you want me to fuck you."

Edward sucked my nipple and moved his hot mouth to the other. My body quaked as his fingers moved faster. "I want you to fuck me so hard it hurts," I said breathlessly. "Now."

He rose, placing his hands roughly against my hips, and turned me around. I snaked my arms toward his head and knotted my fingers in his hair and pulled. Edward huffed, biting me from my shoulder to my neck as he pulled me forcefully into him, his hand between my legs again.

Edward moved us toward the dresser, and bracing myself against its surface, I pushed my hips back toward his. I lifted my head to watch him in the large mirror that hung above the dresser as he grasped his cock, positioning it at my entrance. Our eyes held each others as he plunged himself into me. I whimpered as he groaned while he bucked his hips against me.

I clenched myself around him, not wanting him to retreat, as he kneaded my breast, and I pushed my hips back further. My head dipped, and I closed my eyes as my climax approached.

"No, Bella," Edward said. "Watch yourself. I want you to see how gorgeous you are when I make you come."

I lifted my head, following his command, and looked at myself in the mirror. His words turned me on even more.

"Touch yourself." My eyes travelled to his full lips, and I licked my own searching for his taste. Once again, following his command, I moved my hand between my legs.

Edward placed his hand over mine as we rubbed my clit together. "See how warm you are?"

I nodded. My entire body tensed, and I squeezed his cock inside me.

"Are you going to come? Tell me," he panted. "Don't stop watching."

"Yes, Edward, yes," I gasped. "I'm. Going. To. Come… Fu-…"

Edward's hand moved mine faster against my clit as my orgasm exploded, and I moaned loudly, not caring who might hear me. He leaned forward, resting his forehead against my back as he stilled, his cock throbbing as he released inside me.

He slowly pulled himself from me, and I turned to kiss him, my hands cradling his face.

"I'm hungry," I stated between kisses.

Edward smiled. "We can't have that now, can we?" he asked against my mouth.

As Edward called room service, I went into the bathroom and decided that we needed to take advantage of the oversized tub.

Thirty minutes later, the tub was filled with warm water, a thin layer of bubbles on top, and our food delivered. Edward brought the tray into the bathroom and set it on the edge of the marble tub. He stepped into the tub and grimaced. I assumed he did so because of the temperature.

"Sorry, too hot?" I asked. I hadn't realized how hot the water might be until I noticed how fogged the mirrors were.

Edward shook his head as he positioned himself behind me. "No, I like my skin scalded," he said jokingly and I nudged him with my elbow.

I had no idea what Edward ordered and uncovered the first of three plates. A mixture of fruit was on the first. The second a platter which held two very large cheeseburgers and a pile greasy French fries. I glanced at him, rolling my eyes, although, a burger and fries really did seem good. I ignored the third plate momentarily – the burgers smelled good and both Edward and I were starving; the audible low growl from his stomach confirming this.

Taking one of the burgers from the plate, I leaned back against Edward's chest and held it to his mouth as he took a large bite. We ended up finishing most of the food on the two plates, and I settled comfortably into his arms.

Edward took a washcloth and dipped it into the water. He squeezed it over the tops of my breasts, and as he glided the cloth across my skin, he asked, "Satisfied?"

Nodding, I replied, "Very much," and tilted my head as he leaned in to kiss me.

I sat up to remove the tray from the side of the tub and place it on the floor and noticed the last plate hadn't been uncovered, assuming it was dessert.

"What else did you order?" I asked and lifted the silver cover. A large piece of chocolate cake with a candle and a book of hotel matches sat on the plate.

I looked at Edward questioningly. There was no way he knew it was my birthday – assuming that's what the single piece of cake, candle, and matches meant.

"I didn't order dessert, sweetheart," he said. "It must be your birthday, because it's not mine."

Edward sat up, waiting for me to reply.

I realized the cake must be something the hotel does for its guests. They would know my birth date from when I made the reservations.

"Yesterday," I admitted and wondered what he was thinking.

His soft expression didn't give anything away, and he smiled, taking the plate from my hands as I turned to sit on the opposite side of the tub to face him. Edward placed the candle in the center of the cake and carefully struck the match with his damp hands, lighting the candle.

"Close your eyes and make a wish, Swan."

I smiled and closed my eyes, and wished that things between Edward and I would never change, and blew out the candle.

A thin line of smoke rose between us toward the ceiling.

"What did you wish for?" he asked.

"If I tell you, it won't come true," I teased.

Edward placed the cake on the edge of the tub, and we leaned toward each other as he rested his hands on my knees.

"If your wish has anything to do with you and me," he motioned his finger between us, "I promise you it will always be good."

I hoped what he said was true and kissed him.

Our lips were still close, grazing each others, as he whispered, "Happy Birthday, Bella."

* * *

A/N: My beta's and pre-readers, Mac214, sncmom, and SueBob are worth more birthday cakes than anyone could ever have.

A few of you have asked about updating, and I want you to know a new chapter of Hints will come out every other week. Some have also asked if a chapter or two from Edward's POV could be expected. I didn't plan on including his POV in the mix, but I am leaning toward an outtake or two.

Thank you for adding Hints to your alert and favorite lists as well as leaving those lovely reviews. Wishing all of you a very safe and happy New Year!


	4. I was curious

A/N: Two weeks went by pretty fast, huh? Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year.

* * *

I lay on my back, staring at the ceiling with an absurdly wide grin on my face while Edward slept beside me. I didn't want to wake him as it was still very early, the light in the room slowly brightening from the sun's rising.

Rolling onto my side as gently as I could, I propped myself on my elbow to watch him sleep. He looked so peaceful, and I had to restrain the need to trace my fingers along the sharp features of his face. His breathing was calm, quiet, as he lay on his stomach. This was the first time I woke up before him - I could easily watch him sleep for hours. Edward's sinewy arms were mostly buried under his pillow and the ivory-colored sheet covered only his legs and lower back. I followed each line and contour of his back, my eyes starting at his neck skimming over his shoulder blades and down the center of his spine.

It wasn't until I reached his lower back that I noticed a small, jagged scar on his left side, just faintly lighter in color than his skin, but hardly noticeable. It could have been there for years. I wondered if it was the result of a childhood injury or maybe something from when he was a teenager. I found myself wanting to know so much more about him.

Edward drew in a deep breath, his eyelids fluttering slightly. I waited for him to wake, but he didn't, so I continued to study each mark and line of his body. By the time Edward had taken a few tranquil breaths, I had already counted six freckles scattered along his left arm and back.

I glanced back to his scar and absently touched it with my finger, following the short expanse of it down toward his hip.

"How did you get this?" I whispered so low the words barely escaped my lips.

When I glanced back toward Edward's face, his soft green eyes met mine, and I wondered if he heard me.

"Good morning," I said as he rolled onto his side and pulled the sheet up to his waist.

"Good morning." He took my hand, weaving our fingers together. "Were you watching me sleep?" he asked with a slight smirk on his lips, his drowsy eyes squinting.

I smiled. "You're very peaceful when you sleep. I couldn't help myself."

"You know that's a little disturbing…" Edward moved closer and crawled on top of me, "to watch a person while they sleep."

I wrapped my thighs around his hips, nudging my heels into his calves. Edward kissed the tip of my nose as I slid my palms up his back. He was hard as he pressed himself against my wetness and slowly entered me.

"You know what else is disturbing?" I whispered as we moved our hips together. "Morning breath."

Edward's cheeks flushed as did mine, because I was utterly aware my breath wasn't the freshest.

His slow thrusts remained constant as his unshaven cheek grazed mine while dipping his head as though embarrassed by my comment. He felt so good – his warm body enveloping mine, inside me yet again.

"I'd rather have morning breath than be considered a stalker," he said, his breaths coming faster.

I dragged my nails down his back and gripped his backside, pulling him harder against me. Edward bit and sucked at the nape of my neck, clutching the edge of the mattress as he pumped his hips faster.

"At least a stalker… Won't. Offend. Anyone. Withtheirstench," I panted between each thrust.

Edward's warm skin tasted salty as I licked and kissed the top of his shoulder. He moved his hand to the back of my neck, fisting my hair, and tugged, tilting my head back into the pillow. Edward moaned against my throat, and I could feel my release coming.

"Re… straining… order," he grunted.

Raising my knees, I dug my heels into the backs of his thighs, forcing my hips against his, needing to feel him deeper inside me. I clutched his upper back, my body trembling, as my orgasm peaked.

"Edward," I said breathlessly, "Jesu-"

"Bella… I… mmmm."

With another strong thrust, Edward stilled as he came. I clenched my muscles around him, feeling him throb and release inside me. Moving my hips slowly, my body continued to quiver.

Edward kissed lightly around my cheeks and down my jaw. I cupped my hands against his face, bringing him to my lips and gently stroking his tongue with mine.

We kissed for several moments. He pulled back and smiled.

"We have to get going," I said, glancing toward the clock. I had a little something special planned for him – something he'd either enjoy or completely hate.

He crinkled his forehead. "Why? We don't have to check out for another few hours."

"We have an appointment." I smirked.

"Do we?" He glided his fingertips down my side. "We haven't left the room yet, and I really think we should continue that pattern."

I shook my head. "Mm mm. We're heading out. You shared camping with me, and I want to share something _I_ enjoy with you."

Edward conceded, and we quickly got ready, ate a _light_ breakfast, and were on our way to our destination. It was only ten minutes from the hotel. I was lucky to have found something for us to do on such short notice _and_ lucky this place had space available. My classes at home had always been full.

I pulled into the parking lot as Edward stared at the sign. "So, this would explain our attire," he said.

"You'll love it. I promise."

Edward and I walked through the front door of the studio to be greeted by a woman with dark hair with strands of gray flowing through it. It was loosely pulled back to the base of her neck, and she wore a tan unitard with a matching sarong tied around her waist.

"Good morning. Welcome to Bikram Yoga," she said quietly. "My name is Tia. Will you both be joining the class today?" Tia smiled, nodding toward Edward and me.

"Yes," I answered. "I made an appointment yesterday morning." I had called when I arrived at the hotel, but neglected to mention anything to Edward.

"Have either of you taken a Bikram class before?" she asked as she looked over a book on the reception desk after I gave her my name.

Edward grudgingly shook his head.

"I have," I replied, looping my arm through his and stretching on my toes to reach his ear. "It'll be fun, you'll see."

"It'll be fun watching you get bendy," he murmured.

Tia handed us two clip boards, stating we'd need to sign waivers since we did not have a contract. She explained how the class is run, and directed us toward the towels, extra mats, and where to leave our shoes.

Edward and I walked into the room - he stopped abruptly. "Jesus Christ!" he said looking at me with a pained expression.

"Oh, yeah," I said quietly with a sheepish grin. "It's also called _hot_ yoga. The room is pre-heated to one hundred degrees." I waited, gauging his expression, which gave away nothing. "Do you want to do something else?"

The room was completely silent with the exception of the others in class unrolling their mats and Edward and I whispering very loudly.

"And pass up the opportunity to do a bird sits in tree while the moon rises in the East thing with you? No. I'm all over this," he said, attempting to look serious.

"You mock me?" We walked across the pale wooden floor to an open space in the back of the room and received several looks from the other attendees. Edward held his finger to his lips to silently shush me. I leaned into him, whispering, "Bears have nothing on Bik-" His lips were suddenly on mine and the heated room got even hotter.

The instructor walked gracefully across the room and stood in front of the class. I glanced toward Edward in my periphery and pressed my lips together to keep from giggling at the bewildered look on his face as he stared at the instructor.

"Good morning, everyone. I see we have a few new members in the class," he said, looking toward Edward and me. "I'm Craig. Welcome."

Craig couldn't have been more than five and a half feet tall. He was shirtless and wore skin-tight, black Speedo shorts. His dark hair was long and wavy and pulled into a tight ponytail. I didn't think it was actually Craig himself that Edward found so _interesting_, but most likely the awkward bulge he hosted in his Speedos.

Edward chewed at the inside of his cheek as he listened to Craig list the health benefits of practicing this type of yoga in a heated room. He also encouraged the class to remember to let our bodies relax and allow them to do what they needed to in order to gain the full stretch.

Edward looked at me questioningly.

"Try to ignore it," I whispered.

Edward shrugged with his palms up.

I rolled my eyes and mouthed, "You'll see."

"Shall we begin?" Craig asked.

Silently, everyone stood as Craig called out, "Pranayama!" I laced my fingers under my chin and glanced over at Edward.

Edward rolled his eyes at me and followed Craig's lead.

"Let your breath fill your body!" Craig called.

Edward handled the first of the twenty-six poses – basically just standing and breathing - really well, although a thin sheen of sweat covered his forehead.

By the second pose, Edward had removed his shirt and figured out the wash cloth we picked up with the towels was needed for wiping excess sweat.

Pose four, the Eagle Pose, had earned me one of those "Are you trying to kill me?" looks as he wobbled on one foot, losing his balance several times. I sank into the pose easily, smiling encouragingly at Edward as he struggled. I felt badly for him and decided to reward him when we got back to the hotel. He'd see just how bendy I could be.

Craig's reminder of allowing the body to fully relax had been explained when someone on the other side of the room had broken the silence, and for lack of a better word… _farted_. Both Edward and I pressed our lips tightly together to keep from laughing like a couple of twelve-year-olds. His face turned bright red and he picked up his bottle of water, silently excused himself and left the room.

Everyone else seemed not to have noticed and continued with their steady breathing and concentration. Craig looked at me oddly, as though not understanding what was so funny, and I nodded trying to compose myself.

I'd practiced yoga and Bikram several times and it was normal for people to squeak one out here and there, and it was easily ignored. But then again, I had never practiced yoga with Edward.

He returned moments later, his body dried off, and mouthed, "Sorry," attempting to copy pose number six, the Standing Bow Pulling pose.

Craig and his awkward bulge walked over to us, obviously seeing Edward's difficulty with standing on one foot while holding his leg curved out behind him and reaching forward with his free hand.

"Breathe, don't forget to breathe," Craig calmly told Edward. "Here, raise your arm just a little more." Craig braced Edward's arm with one hand and his thigh with the other, "That's it. You're doing great. What's your name?"

"Ed-ward," he grunted through his gritted teeth.

"And yours?" Craig, ignoring Edward's discomfort, looked toward me.

"Bella," I answered with as much ease in my voice as I possibly could and stared straight ahead so as not to receive another glare from Edward. He wasn't angry, but I had a feeling I wouldn't hear the end of it when we got back to the hotel.

Craig nodded slowly. "You've got great alignment, Bella. Nicely done. Edward, we're moving onto the Tuladandasana next. Would you like me to come back and assist you?"

Edward released his pose and wiped his face and arms with his cloth. "That's very kind of you, Craig, but I think I'll be okay."

Craig nodded, and he and his bulge walked back to the front of the class.

Somewhere between poses eight and twelve, Edward had left the room again, presumably to cool off.

Craig walked around the room, intermittently commending the others on their postures and work. He'd say, "You've got a great body. It does exactly what you want it to," to several people. Craig was sort of an odd, bulgy little man.

The thirteenth pose had us lying on our backs with our arms and legs stretched out.

"I can't believe you're making me do this, Swan."

"You're loving every minute, admit it."

"Mm hm, absolutely. I _could_ show you something else I love doing as soon as we get back to the hotel."

We continued to stare at the ceiling.

"Oh, yeah? And what might that be?" As if I needed to ask.

Edward chuckled. "Something that doesn't involve stretching your body in directions it wasn't meant to be stretched."

"I see. But I thought you were enjoying yourself. We still have another thirteen poses to go."

"Oh, I am enjoying myself, and another thirteen poses sounds just great, but what I have in mind involves more pleasure than pain."

For a moment, I had forgotten where we were and honestly could not have cared less if anyone heard our banter. I also had my fill of Bikram for the day and suddenly realized my time with Edward would be ending too soon.

"Why don't we get out of here and you can show me."

Edward rose from the floor and extended his hand to me. "Let's go."

***

We barely had the door closed to our room before our hands were all over each others slick, sweaty bodies - his tongue plunging against mine. Edward hoisted my legs around his hips and carried me to the unmade bed, and we frantically ripped each others clothes off.

Moments into Edward pounding me against the headboard, there was a quick rap at the door.

"Maid service," a woman's voice called.

"No, thank you!" I yelled.

She knocked again. "Towels?"

_Come on!_ Could she not hear the two of us grunting and moaning – my head hitting the headboard?

"NO, THANK YOU!" we yelled toward the door.

Edward and I looked at each other, grinning. I clutched the back of his head, pulling him close until his mouth was on mine. He looped his arm under my knee and brought it to my chest. I moved my other leg up as far as I could, my calf resting on his upper back and heard a buzzing sound somewhere in the room – my cell phone.

Edward smiled against my mouth. "You are bendy, aren't you?"

I chuckled as I raised my arms above my head, searching for something to grasp, and Edward took both of my wrists in his one hand, pinning them to the mattress.

My cell phone buzzed again and, _really_ trying not to pay attention to it, I slid my leg down his side as he moved his hand to mine. It buzzed again, and I sighed in frustration.

"Ignore it," he said. Edward let go of my wrists and held my hands, intertwining our fingers, as I locked my ankles together around his back. He moved his hips in some sort of circular, thrusting kind of motion. _What was _that_?_ I pushed my hips against his, moaning loudly as I climaxed.

Edward gently leaned his forehead against mine. "Bella," he groaned, coming inside me.

The annoying buzzing sound returned. _Stupid freaking cell._

"You know tricks, Cullen," I praised and kissed his soft lips.

"A few." Edward slowly pulled himself out of me and kissed a trail from my neck down to my stomach. My phone buzzed again, and I pouted as Edward climbed off of me. "You should probably get that. I'll go start the shower."

Wrapping the sheet around me, I admired Edward's very fine ass as he walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him, and quickly hopped out of bed to find out who had been incessantly calling me.

I dug through my bag and pulled out my phone, but it showed that I had only one missed call: my assistant, Shelly. Apparently she called while we were at the yoga class. As I listened to her voice mail telling me that she would not be coming to work on Monday because of something to do with her family and the big move, the buzzing sounded again.

"Edward," I called. It was his phone that had been ringing. He didn't answer, and I stared at his travel bag for a few moments biting my bottom lip.

_Should I? No. Yes. No. Just look. No. Okay._

My eyes darted between the bathroom door and his bag. The tip of his phone was peaking out of the side pocket. It wouldn't be as if I was going through his things. It was right there; I could take the phone out of his bag and bring it to him. If I just happened to glance at the caller ID, _that_ wouldn't be snooping, right?

"Bella!" he hollered from the other side of the bathroom door. "Are you comin', babe? The water's nice and warm!"

He was already in the shower, and I was already crouched next to his bag with my fingers hovering over the top of his phone.

"Be right there!"

It buzzed again, startling me. _Don't. Just leave it alone and… fuck._ I pulled it out just enough to see the screen.

Alice.

_Alice? Who's Alice? Who the hell is Alice?_

My mind went in a thousand different directions. Maybe she was _his_ assistant, although I still had no idea what he did for a living. Or maybe she was his girlfriend or wife. No, he wasn't…

_Fuck_.

No, he can't have a girlfriend, and he _can't_ be married. There weren't any signs of another person living with him at his lake house. But whoever she was, she really wanted to talk to him. Maybe she was a third cousin twice removed or maybe she was his-

"Bella, Let's go!" My head shot toward the bathroom, and I frantically pushed his phone back into the pocket.

I went into the bathroom, pretending as though I hadn't just violated our privacy pact.

"'Bout time," he said, smiling and opening the glass shower door.

I apologized and stepped into the shower. His hair was slicked back and white soapy froth ran down his chest in rivulets. He put his hands on my arms and positioned me under the stream of hot water. Looking into his green eyes as he lathered his soap – it smelled strongly of sage - I thought how kind and honest they seemed. Edward's eyes. And in that moment, as he washed his scent over me, I decided whoever Alice was, whatever role she played in Edward's life, it didn't matter. I refused to believe that he was deceitful.

But then again, was it really any of my business?

Edward and I packed our things, and I casually glanced at him as he looked at his cell. He pursed his lips, seemingly scanning through his missed calls.

"Anything important?" I asked.

He pressed a button on his phone and shoved it into his bag. "No. Nothing that can't wait until later," he answered.

I smiled and busied myself by straightening up the bed.

Edward walked toward me, guiding us to sit on the edge of the bed. "I'm going to be out of town for a couple of weeks, and I don't know how available I'll be during that time." I nodded, convincing myself I would be just fine not having any contact with him for a couple of weeks. "But I'll call or email you when I can."

"Sure, no problem," I said and rose from the bed.

Edward grabbed my hand, stopping me from walking away. "You're okay with that?"

"Of course, Edward." I forced a smile and reminded myself that this was just about the sex. "You've got your things, and I've got mine, right?"

He nodded. "Yeah." Edward crinkled his forehead and glanced toward the floor. "Stay one more night with me," he asked, looking back at me.

My heart melted. I wanted to. I really did, but I couldn't.

I shook my head. "I can't… I'm sorry. I have to work. I should have been working this weekend." This was true; I had only been in my new position for just weeks and couldn't take off this soon, especially if Shelly was going to be out too. Tanya's warning for me not to fuck up echoed through my mind.

Edward sighed as he rose, and wrapped his arms around my waist. I placed my palms on his chest. "I _will_ miss you, Swan."

"I'll miss you too. Where are you going?" The words just fell out of my mouth.

He hesitated for a moment. "Hawaii."

I raised my eyebrows. "Hawaii… wow."

Edward pulled me into him, burying his nose in my hair, and inhaled deeply. "It's not for a vacation, trust me." He kissed the top of my forehead and let go of my waist.

After we checked out of the hotel, Edward walked me to my car to say goodbye.

"I'll call you," he promised while opening the door of my car and tossing my bag onto the passenger seat.

I shut the car door and leaned against it. Slipping my finger into his belt loop, I pulled him toward me and promised, "I'll answer."

*****************

A/N; Thank you, Mac, as always you are the bombdiggety. Sncmom totally rocks my world by sending inspirational jawporn almost daily. SueBob, hugs to you and all of your anecdotes you share.

So… Alice? Hawaii? WTF? Why don't you leave a review and let me know what you think is going on…

Stay tuned for a new character to be introduced in the next chapter, which really might be another 10 days or so. Back to work on Monday! Argh.

Thanks so much for adding Hints to your fav/alert lists!


	5. I said hello on the stairs

A/N: I don't own Twilight or the characters, but I do own Mr. Multiple.

Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and fav'd Hints. MM and I are so very tickled. Also – I love my betas and very good friends: mac, sncmom, and Askthemagic8ball. They make things pretty.

**************

I lay unmoving under my thick, warm comforter not sure if the sound I was hearing was real or if I was dreaming. It seemed muffled by my subconscious, and I groaned at the annoyance interrupting my sleep but still couldn't bring myself to lift my arm to hit the snooze bar. _Five more minutes!_ I grumbled in my head and clutched my comforter around my chin.

It wasn't stopping. Reluctantly, I hit my alarm clock. How could it be 6am already?

My eyes shot open as I realized it was my phone and not my alarm clock. _Edward_. I hadn't heard from him in over a week. No emails, no phone calls – nothing. I bolted up, scrambling to find the phone on my nightstand, nearly knocking the lamp to the floor. _What time was it in Hawaii anyway?_

Without bothering to look at the caller ID, I flipped it open and brought it to my ear. "Hello?"

"It's time!"

Cringing, I pulled the phone away from my ear; his voice was so loud and excited.

"What? Ed-"

"Belly, it's time!"

Emmett. What the hell? Why was he calling me at three in the morning? What was he think- _Oh!_

"Now?" I screeched, swinging my legs over the side of the bed, suddenly wide awake.

"Yeah, now, Belly, the baby's coming now! Can you please come over and stay with James?" Emmett's voice was frantic.

"Of course, Em. I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

Four hours later as I sat at Emmett and Rose's kitchen table watching James eating Lucky Charms, Renee walked through their front door.

"Bella?" she called.

"In here, Mom." James grinned widely at the sound of Renee's voice, and I wriggled my eyebrows at him.

When I arrived at the house a little after three that morning, Emmett had been running around the house like a madman while Rose winced intermittently in obvious pain as she braced herself against a chair. He said he would have called Renee first, but she'd seemed so tired lately and decided to call me instead.

"Anything?" she asked, plopping her purse on the counter. "Emmett called me an hour ago and said she was only two centimeters dilated."

I rose from my chair, yawning. "That's the last thing I heard too. She was in labor with James for about twelve hours, so I guess it could still be awhile."

"Did Mommy have my baby?" James asked. Over the past few months, Emmett and Rose had explained to him he was going to have a little brother or sister. James deciphered that to mean Emmett and Rose were making a baby just for him.

"Not yet, honey, but I'm sure you'll get to see your baby this afternoon," Renee answered.

I kissed James on the top of his head to say goodbye and turned toward my mom. Her face did seem a bit sallow, and I thought of Emmett's comment about her being tired.

"Maybe you should lie down when James takes a nap, Mom. You look tired."

Renee rolled her eyes and pulled me into a hug. "I'm fine, Bella. You're the one with circles under the eyes. Go home and put some concealer on before you head off to that fancy office of yours. You certainly won't attract any men looking like you have two black eyes."

_Then it's a good thing I'm already getting laid._

I glanced at my watch - it had taken her all of three minutes to say something about my appearance. Not record time, but close.

***

"Shelly, can you send in the next one, please?" I had a small stack of resumes on my desk to sort through and one final applicant waiting in the reception area. This particular person didn't seem to have any administrative assistant experience nor had they seemed to have held on to any one job for a long period of time. I wasn't sure why I was even interviewing this person, but my choices for filling Shelly's position weren't exactly the pick of the litter.

I glanced at the clock on my laptop - it was almost noon, and Rose still hadn't had the baby.

As the next candidate walked into my office I rose from my chair, and walked around my desk to shake his hand.

"Hi, I'm Bella Swan."

He was well dressed at least - charcoal suit, crisp, white shirt, and a standard-issue red power tie. His blonde, wavy hair was sort of all over the place, but it was as if he meant it to be that way. It was cute in a rocker-wannabe kind of way, but cute nonetheless. Not at all like Edward's. Edward's hair was messy and sexy and soft and I missed knotting my fing-

"Pleased to meet you, I'm Jasper Whitlock."

Jasper shook my hand firmly, smiling widely, cutting my fantasies short.

"Have a seat, Jasper." I motioned toward the two cushioned chairs in front of my desk. "So, tell me a little about yourself."

He smoothed his pants before resting his calf over his knee and proceeded to tell me about where he was from originally – which explained the slight southern twang - and receiving a Masters of Management in Finance from Purdue University.

"It wasn't what I really wanted to do," he admitted. "I worked for T. Rowe Price for a few years, and it was… boring." He shrugged as if having a degree from a notable university and landing a job with a Fortune 500 company was an every day thing, as if he were ordering a caramel macchiato on a Sunday.

I furrowed my brow in confusion. "Why are you applying for an admin assistant position? And why didn't you note all of this on your resume?"

Jasper smiled, chuckling quietly. "I'm a musician at heart, Ms. Swan. I quit my job with T. Rowe to _follow my dreams_," he said, making air quotes with his fingers, "but it didn't always pay the bills. I need something stable – nine to five – so I can still play at clubs at night." He shrugged and raised his eyebrows in a hopeful kind of way.

"Jasper, and please call me, Bella, I appreciate your honesty, but this job isn't always nine to five. I stay until eight, nine o'clock most days, and it's not just getting coffee or answering phones. We're in talks about the possibility of expanding into the Japanese market, and that would require me to lean on you _a lot_. Denali Corporation is fast becoming a leading manufacturer of spa products. Mrs. Denali put her faith in me not so long ago to run this division, as small as it may seem, but I take that very seriously, and I would expect the same from anyone working for me."

I expected Jasper to get up and leave the moment his mouth drew into a hard line. Instead, he uncrossed his legs and leaned his forearms onto his knees.

With a sober expression, he said, "Tanya Denali, born July 18, 1971, grew up in Anchorage, Alaska. Her father was a fisherman and her mother was a housewife. She attended the University of Alaska and majored in business. She stumbled onto an exfoliate she concocted in her kitchen and passed it out to friends, etc. Her parents died in 1995 in a car accident, her father invested well - quite well for a fisherman - leaving her enough money and then some, and she started a small business out of her garage. Her dream came to fruition in October of 2001 and currently nets a profit of two billion per year… give or take." He paused as I stared at him, dumbfounded. "I didn't mean any disrespect, Ms. Swa-, Bella, when I said I was looking for a stable nine to five - I should have phrased that better. I need a day job. If you need me to be here until late in the evening, I will. If I did have a gig, I wouldn't go on until around ten anyway. I know the software; I'm familiar with the company, and for the record, running the distribution division for the east coast is not a small task. Honestly, I could easily get a job with one of the financial firms in the area if I wanted to, but I'd rather have someone tell me what they need – and eventually already know before they ask - than go back into corporate telling everyone else what I need."

He leaned back into his chair, waiting for me to respond. He wasn't cocky; he was just very matter of fact.

"You've done your homework."

"Yes, Ma'am."

I chewed on the inside of my cheek for a moment and made a mental note to tell him never to call me ma'am again. Clearly, he was over qualified for this job, but he wanted it. "My biggest concern is what would happen if you decided you got bored _here_. I can't afford to go through this process all over again in a few months."

He nodded. "I understand your reservations, but I can promise you it's not in my nature to abandon a commitment."

Shelly knocked softly and poked her head around the door. "Bella, sorry to interrupt, but you have an important call."

I rose from my chair, shook Jasper's hand, and looked toward Shelly. "Thanks, Shelly. Could you show Mr. Whitlock around? He's going to be your replacement when you move overseas."

Jasper smiled and thanked me.

"He's going to start training next Monday?" I looked toward Jasper quizzically, and he confirmed with a nod. As I walked behind my desk, I still wondered why his resume was so sparse. "Jasper, I'm still confused."

"Pardon?"

"The resume thing. If you researched the company and really wanted this job, why didn't you include your experience and post-grad schooling?"

"I didn't want to seem pretentious. Thank you again, Ms. Swan. See you next Monday."

I had a feeling Jasper Whitlock and I were going to get along very well.

Hitting the speaker button on my phone, I answered, "Bella Swan."

"It's a girl!" Emmett's voice practically sang through the phone.

I picked up the receiver to take him off speaker phone. "Oh, Em! Details! How much does she weigh, how big is she, what's her name, how's Rose?"

_I have a niece._

"She's gorgeous, Belly. She looks exactly like Rose, except she's bald. Rose is great. She weighs nine pounds, two ounces, twenty-one inches long, and her name is Lillian Renee."

"Nine pounds? Holy shit, Em! She may look like Rose, but it sounds like she might be built like you!" I laughed.

"God, I hope not. Mom is on her way with James. Dad and Sue are coming too, and visiting hours are over at seven. Make sure you get down here before then, okay?"

I could hear my niece starting to wail in the background and imagined Emmett's burly arms wrapped lovingly around her, holding her as if she were a porcelain doll. I felt badly for Rose, though; her parents lived in Chicago and probably wouldn't be able to fly in for a few days.

"You know I will. Give Rose a kiss for me… and Lillian too. Congratulations, Em."

"Thanks. See you soon."

I hung up the phone, deciding it was time for lunch so I could buy something completely lavish and unnecessary for my new niece.

***

It was six-thirty, and I quietly opened the door of Rose's hospital room. My arms were full with pink balloons, the clichéd giant stuffed teddy bear, a couple of gift bags full of pink dresses and shoes, a pink cashmere blanket (because every girl needs a little cashmere), and an array of Denali creams and lotions for Rose.

Rose was propped up on a few pillows holding Lillian, and Emmett was sound asleep in a chair by the window. She waved me into the room and rolled her eyes at everything in my arms.

"Hi," I whispered after quietly putting the gifts on the windowsill, and leaned in to kiss Rose on the cheek.

She patted the side of her bed, inviting me to sit next to her.

"She's so beautiful," I said, admiring how pink her pudgy cheeks were. Her skin was the perfect shade of peach and her head had a thin layer of blonde-white hair, barely visible.

"Oh," Rose started with a chuckle. "You should have seen her a few hours ago. She looked like an alien. Her eyes were swollen, she was covered in goo, and her head was a lot pointier than it is now." Lillian started to squirm. "Would you like to hold her?"

"Are you kidding? Yes!" I whispered loudly. "Nice way to talk about your daughter, by the way."

I scooped Lillian out of her arms and immediately smelled her. Babies always smelled so good. "What did James say?"

She laughed and carefully adjusted her position into a seemingly more comfortable one in the bed. "He thanked Emmett and me for _his_ baby and said her name is Thomas."

"As in the cartoon train?" I smirked. Lillian pursed her lips, darting her tiny pink tongue out, and began to make sucking noises. "Is she hungry?"

"You'll know when she's hungry."

"So, Lillian Renee? It's beautiful, but you know you're killing me with that middle name, right?" I teased, knowing I'd never hear the end of it from my mom. Renee would undoubtedly get her digs in by announcing to her social circle and anyone else she encountered, that only one of her children was willing to give her grandchildren _and_ said child thought enough of her to give her grandchild her name.

"Well, you know Lillian is my middle name – Emmett's idea - he now calls us his two perfect flowers," she pretended to gag herself with her finger, "and Renee because we wanted a middle name from your side of the family. James is after my father, so… Anyway, we're calling her Lily."

Lily started to scrunch up her tiny body, her face turning red, and she began to frown. She let out a soft whimper that quickly turned into a very loud cry.

"Now she's hungry," Rose said, and I handed her back. She unfastened her nightgown, latching Lily onto her breast. "So, tell me. Who's the guy?" she asked out of nowhere, her eyebrow quirked into an impossibly high arch.

_How did she know? _

"What guy? What are you talking about?" I attempted to arrange my face as if I had no idea what she was talking about, but I could feel my cheeks redden.

"Don't play stupid, Bella. I know there's _someone_. You were awfully happy when you came out of your bedroom that night at your birthday party. You disappeared that weekend and at least one other, _and_ you sometimes have this unnatural glow and wear a silly grin. You're not knocked up, right?"

"Rose!"

"Just _please_ don't tell me this is all because you just bought a super-sized vibrator and have been getting yourself off for days at a time."

"Shhh!" Both Rose and I glanced toward Emmett, who was lightly snoring now. "No, no new purchases and yes… there's a guy."

Rose looked at me expectantly and motioned her hand for me to continue.

"Okay, _do not_ say anything to Renee or Emmett – understand?" She nodded, her eyes widening. I told her about our first weekend together and how we didn't know each other's last names. I told her about the boat ride, the lobster, _after_ the lobster, going back to his house, camping, birthday cake in the tub… everything.

"He's in Hawaii. And you haven't spoken to him in over a week. And you peeked at his cell and saw the name 'Alice' on the caller ID… he's married," she concluded.

"It's _only_ been a week, and he's not married, Rose. I've been in his house, and there are no signs of another woman, not that I went through his closets or anything. Besides, I don't get the feeling he's like that – you know, a cheater. Our arrangement works for me."

"Then who's the chick calling him?" she asked.

I hadn't thought about it since I decided it didn't matter. "I don't know, and it doesn't really matter. It's just about the sex." I smiled, thinking about the sex.

Rose pursed her lips, her brow forming a small 'v' above her eyes. "Is he hung well?"

I could always count on Rose to be blunt. "Yeah, he's packaged nicely."

"Not like Jake." She measured an inch with her thumb and index finger.

"No, not like Jake," I laughed.

"And you like him."

"Yes."

"You're getting laid and having fun."

"Yes."

A nurse came into the room to check on Rose and Lily and tell me visiting hours were over.

I leaned in to kiss Rose on her check and she whispered, "Go have fun, Bella, but don't keep anything like this from me again… and don't let yourself get hurt."

"I promise. Congratulations Rose."

***

Another two weeks went by, and I still hadn't heard anything from Edward.

I sat in my bed with my laptop, working on a proposal for a few upper-class Japanese spa salons. I was in charge of East Coast distribution, but I wanted to show Tanya I was capable of taking on an international market as well. Admittedly, I still had so much to learn, but I'd researched the market ad nauseam, and Jasper had proven to be more than helpful with his background in finance. Tanya had been in the office on a regular basis since she shipped Mike off to Alaska; rumor was he wasn't coming back, and I wondered how long Tanya planned to stay married to him.

I thought about calling Edward more than once during the past few weeks but I didn't want to bother him. He said he would contact me if he was able and I assumed whatever he was doing in Hawaii had him pretty busy. I did miss him, though.

About an hour later, almost midnight, my cell phone rang. My heart thumped as I looked at the caller ID.

"Cullen," I answered, grinning from ear to ear.

"Swan." He sounded tired. "Are you free this weekend?"

"Maybe. What did you have in mind?" _I'm free for you._

"Would you be opposed to coming to my place? It's a long drive, I know, but it's off-season now, so it would be quiet, and I'd really like it to be just you and me. I promise to pamper you if you make the trek."

"Hmm. You know I could just go to a salon to get pampered," I teased.

He chuckled. His voice was raspy and a little deeper than usual. "I doubt if they'd have the kind of services I'm offering."

"How could I refuse an invitation like that?"

"I hope you can't."

"I can't. I'll see you this weekend. Oh, should I pack anything special… like hiking boots or yoga spandex?" I chortled.

I pictured him cringing from the memory of bulgy Craig. "No, definitely not. Pack whatever you'd like. This weekend is all about comfort. You know, less is more kind of thing."

***

I turned onto the gravel driveway toward Edward's a few minutes after nine Saturday morning. The leaves of the trees lining his driveway had changed to brilliant reds, yellows, and oranges. The lake was breathtaking in October.

Edward sat on his porch steps, his elbows resting on his knees, fingers laced under his chin. He rose as I turned the ignition off and walked toward me. His skin was slightly tanned, his hair seemed a little shorter but still messy and sexy, and his green eyes seemed a little darker but still piercing.

I had the strap of my bag on my shoulder as I walked toward Edward, fully prepared to start our flirtatious banter. He didn't speak and didn't give me the chance to either. He pulled the strap off my shoulder, letting it fall to the ground. He picked me up, and I tightly wrapped my legs around his waist. Edward's one arm held my backside while his other hand gripped the back of my head as he plunged his tongue into my mouth.

Edward carried me into his house, and I let go of his face long enough to slam the door shut. He stopped at the bottom of the staircase as I ripped my shirt over my head and threw it down. We were both panting as Edward lowered me onto the steps. He frantically peeled his clothes off while I removed mine.

He leaned down, taking my nipple into his mouth, first licking around it with the flat of his tongue, then nipping at it. I knotted my fingers into his hair, his sage scent floating around me as he positioned himself between my legs.

Edward's tongue left a wet trail from my nipple to my neck. "Missed you," he said and thrust himself inside me.

I lifted my leg, the side of my foot pressing into the wall, my other foot pressing against the wooden banister. Edward continued to buck his hips roughly, but he felt so good even as my back pounded against the hard step.

"Missed you too," I said breathlessly. Edward moved his hand to my lower back, his other braced against the step. He was all the way inside me, and his hips moved hard and quick against me. His mouth was on mine, biting at my bottom lip. Our tongues forcefully swirled together, and I could feel my orgasm rising.

I clenched my muscles around him as I dug my heels into the back of his thighs. "Fuck, Bella," he groaned, "I missed this… fu-"

My nipples were so hard from the friction of his chest against mine, and my legs quivered as I whimpered while I came. Edward thrust once, twice, three more times before he came, his cheek next to mine. His breath was hot in my ear.

Edward moved his head, and I brought his lips to mine, kissing him tenderly.

"Hi," he whispered. "How've you been?" He smiled, one corner of his mouth raised slightly higher than the other.

"Not too bad, you?" Edward nibbled at my neck. "Tell me, Cullen. When does the pampering begin?"

* * *

A/N: Next chapter coming within the week. As promised, specific questions from the thread will be answered in the next chapter, but not all. The next chapter is all Edward and Bella.

Next weekend is the Vampire Author Auction at www(dot)supportstacie(dot)com. Jan 15 – 18, please stop by and place a bid on an author!!

Special thanks to bellacullen. She rec'd Hints on the Master of the Universe thread and Mr. Multiple has gained a few more friends because of her. Mwah!!!


	6. I rode a roller coaster

**A/N: Picking up from chapter 5…**

* * *

"The pampering starts now," Edward whispered as he slowly pulled himself out of me - much to my dismay – and retrieved my panties from the floor.

I propped my elbows on the step as he knelt in front of me, watching him delicately take my foot into his hand. Edward kissed the top of it and repeated his motions with the other. He slipped my panties over my feet, gliding them up my calves, over my knees, up to the middle of my thighs – every inch of me tingled and I wanted him again… badly.

Edward put his mouth on my left calf and then my right, his warm, wet lips and tongue left a trail of goose flesh as he looked toward me and grinned between kisses. The darkness of his eyes seemed to have vanished; they were brighter now, content. Edward buried his face into my thigh, his stubble prickling my skin, and licked while he continued to move my panties toward my hips. I raised my hips, the seam of my panties woven in between his fingers, and he traced his fingertips up my outer thigh. Edward glided his nose between my legs - my head tilted back, my back arched as he pressed his mouth into my clit, taking my panties into his teeth. My body responded in strange ways to his touch - as if he was a magnet and I was metal. I'd never had this feeling before and it scared me. Each time we were together it was brand new and oddly familiar all at the same time.

Edward languidly crawled on top of me, and I had to still my legs from quivering as he rubbed his hand against my clit for just moments – I silently cursed the barricade of silk and lace. He dragged his hand over my stomach, stopping at my breast and circled my nipple with his thumb before taking it into his mouth.

I cradled his head in my arms as he sucked and flicked my nipple with his tongue. I whimpered as Edward lifted his head, removing my hands from his hair as he kissed each of my palms softly. He smirked as he stood and collected the rest of my clothes and laid them on the step beside me.

"You're a tease, Cullen," I said, wrinkling my nose at him.

He held my bra in his hands and winked. "It's all part of the plan."

"The plan? And what might that be? " I asked, internally sighing, imagining romantic, fluffy things like candles and bubble baths, massages with fragrant oils. I stifled a giggle thinking of palm fronds and grapes and Edward dressed in a white toga.

Silly fantasies aside, he looked exquisite as he knelt before me; completely bare, the defining lines of his chest and stomach were subtle, yet perfect.

Edward took one of my hands and slid the strap of my bra over it, doing the same with the other until the straps were over my shoulders. I fastened the back as he gathered my hair in his hands and kissed me.

"You know you're supposed to seduce me while you're taking my clothes _off,"_ I said.

"I do know that, Swan. But thank you for the reminder," Edward said. "How long do I get to keep you this weekend?" he asked as he dressed while I reluctantly put on my jeans and sweater.

"Keep me? Am I now your pet?" I teased, combing my hair with my fingers, he rolled his eyes. "I have to head back early afternoon tomorrow… unfortunately."

Edward drew in a deep breath, and exhaled loudly. "Well, I guess we'll have to make the most of the next thirty or so hours then, won't we… my pet? Unless, of course, you come down with something… say the flu or a nasty cold and have to take a sick day," he said, as he bit his bottom lip and quirked his brow hopefully.

"Mmm… tempting," I needed to clear my head. I'd been with him for less than an hour and already the fog had set in and I began to forget about everything else in the world. "But I'm sure _you_ have to work on Monday after being gone for so long." I hadn't intended on pressing him about his job or his trip to Hawaii, but I wasn't going to tiptoe around it either.

Edward chuckled, shaking his head, _not_ answering my question. "I'm going to get your bag from outside."

"Okay." _So we're avoiding the work and Hawaii thing._

_Fuck._

With his evasion of my question came the memory of the conversation I had with Rose about him. Her confidence in her assumption of Edward being married came flooding back to me. I didn't think he was - he couldn't be - but hearing someone else say it out loud had me second guessing my instinct.

Why did I care? Well, I cared if he was married… didn't I?

Did I?

_Yes! You cannot screw around with a married man, no matter how unfuckingbelievable the sex is or how he makes you feel. It's just wrong. Damn you, Edward Cullen, and your hands and lips and fuck me eyes… and everything else._

Edward had left for a mere sixty seconds and within that tiny period of time, I'd come undone. My hands shook, my palms were sweaty and my heart thumped hard inside my chest as I thought about my options if he wasn't what I thought he was.

Edward walked back into the house carrying my bag, and cocked his head as he looked at me. My hands were jammed in the pockets of my jeans, my lips pursed and my brow creased.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

_Just ask_.

I inhaled and blurted, "Areyoumarried?"

_Say no._

If he said yes, I decided that I would just throw myself into my job, work 24/7 and happily take insults from my mom. Who needs amazing, unforgettable, passionate, extraordinary sex? Who needs Edward Cullen?

Edward bent down, resting my bag on the floor just a little too delicately. He cautiously approached me, and he looked worried. His worried look made me worry and I clenched my eyes shut, suddenly feeling nauseous. _Shit._

I heard his quiet footsteps approaching me then felt his warm hands on my face. "Why would you think that? No, Bella. I'm not married."

I didn't open my eyes, I couldn't. I couldn't look into his emerald eyes afraid he might be lying. God, I was so angry at myself for asking and so angry with Rose for saying it out loud. And I was even angrier for considering, if only for a moment, to continue to see him if he was.

"Bella, open your eyes." He kissed the top of my forehead. "I'm not married. I swear."

I shook my head as I finally opened my eyes. His were soft and honest, and I believed him and felt that much worse. "I'm sorry. It's just-"

Edward took my hand. "I don't understand why you would think I was married." I shrugged, embarrassed, and thought, _because I trusted a stupid voice in my head._ "I'm not seeing anyone other than you, okay? Come on. I want to show you something." I nodded as he picked up my bag and led me upstairs.

As we entered his bedroom, he turned and pressed his lips into a hard line. "I wasn't sure how you would feel about this, but… um… this is for you." He nodded his head toward a corner of his room.

I let go of Edward's hand, looking back and forth between him and what he'd gotten for me a few times before walking toward it. It was a dark cherry armoire – _an armoire -_ with ornate dovetail designs and it had to be one of the most beautiful pieces of furniture I'd ever seen… and it matched absolutely nothing in his simplistic bedroom.

"Edward, I don't understand," I said in disbelief as I traced my fingers along the fine detail scrolling on one of the doors and felt a hundred times worse than I had while we were downstairs.

"I don't mean to be presumptuous, but I also emptied a couple of drawers in my dresser." He drew in a shaky breath and sat on the edge of his bed as I stared at him, baffled by his gesture – or whatever it was. "Come here."

I moved to sit next to him and he smiled, running his hand through his copper hair. "Look, I'm happy with how things are with us, _really_ happy, and when we spend time together and if we happen to be here… I want you to be comfortable."

There was a long, tense pause between us.

"Bella, I'm _not_ married." Edward's face tightened, he seemed concerned.

"I believe you. It's not that, honestly." I really did believe him, but now there was… I turned to admire the armoire that either meant nothing or a lot more than I wanted. "I don't know what to say."

He squeezed my hand, his jaw relaxed. "You don't have to say anything. If it makes you uncomfortable, I'll send it back. I just wanted you to simply have a place to put your things and a couple of empty drawers seemed, I don't know… discourteous." He shrugged.

He shrugged. The 'place' to put my things had to cost at least a couple thousand dollars and he just blew it off as if it wasn't a big deal. But he did own a couple of cars, one of them a Porsche, and a house on the lake, and maybe dropping thousands of dollars wasn't a big deal to him.

So, I conceded. If it wasn't a big deal to him, then it wouldn't be a big deal to me either.

"You're really something else," I started. "It's beautiful and thoughtful. Thank you."

"You're welcome, but you don't need to thank me. It's nothing. Although I'm glad you like it, because I really didn't want to give up any drawer space." He laughed and I nudged him with my shoulder.

Edward shifted toward me and gently cupped his hand around the back of my head. "You okay?"

"I'm fine and I'm sorry for asking if you were married. I should have known better. It's just that we don't know anything about each other and I _really_ like the way things are between us too. I'd hate to see it ruined by something as trivial as you being bound by law to someone else."

He leaned in and kissed me. His warm lips on mine and his soft tongue entering my mouth brought back the fog and I felt a little dizzy.

"We know things about each other. I know when your birthday is. I know you have a nephew… who bites, and that you enjoy torturing others under the guise of exercise," he whispered between kisses. "I also know you love my pears and chocolate sauce and you like to watch people swim while they're naked." He laughed softly into my mouth.

"No, only you swimming naked. You're one to talk, Cullen, with your inappropriate hand-written invitation challenging me to do the same." I slithered out of his hands to get my bag and put its contents in _my_ armoire. "And you know more about me than I do of you, by the way. I know you like to camp, you know how to operate a boat, and you cook… _well_."

He lay back onto the bed, propping himself on his elbow. "I don't seem to remember that you had a problem with that, Swan. I also remember that was the night I first saw the most breathtaking woman in the world."

Rolling my eyes, I waved my hand in front of my face. "I blush with your flattery, dear sir."

"Are you going to unpack?" he asked, smiling and I nodded. "Then I'm going to go downstairs and start brunch - I'm sure you're hungry." He got off the bed and walked over to kiss me. In a quiet voice, he said, "I'll give you two questions, and then we're even."

_Two questions._ I raised my eyebrows, thinking about what I wanted to know and what would keep things casual between us. Although I still wasn't convinced the armoire was a very casual offering.

After Edward left the room, I unzipped my bag and began to lay my things out on his bed. I wondered if I should put my toothbrush and toothpaste in the bathroom next to his or if he had a double sink, if I should use the one he wasn't using or maybe I should keep everything in the armoire, and then I thought I was thinking too much.

I opened the doors of the armoire: it was so lush and rich in detailing and it still mystified me how much it didn't seem to fit with everything else in his room. His bed was crafted of the same dark wood, but the headboard had sharp, straight lines, seemingly simple in design yet high quality. His dresser and night stands were a matched set with his bed. The linens were plush, but not overly luxurious.

With my newly purchased lingerie in one hand – I seemed to be buying a lot of lingerie lately – I partially opened one of the drawers in the armoire. The smell of bacon suddenly drifted into the room and I turned at the sound of clanking pans and Edward whistling from the kitchen below. I pulled the drawer open completely and in it was a small, silver square box with a white ribbon. The box wasn't very large, perhaps four inches in length and width. My heart sputtered as I removed the box from the drawer, staring at it.

I held it in my hands for a few moments, too afraid to open it and too eager not to. I lifted the lid to find a silver rolo-link bracelet with a heart attached. _What are you doing, Edward? Are you trying to sweep me off my feet because if you are, you've succeeded._ I had an overwhelming need to please Edward with my mouth for hours.

I fastened the bracelet around my wrist and gazed at it for what could have been several minutes and that's when I realized it wasn't just silver, it was platinum. There was a note in the box, it was simple - like everything else Edward portrayed - it read: Happy Birthday, Bella.

Edward stood with his back to me, assuredly working his magic at the stove. I quietly walked behind him and snaked my arms around his waist, purposely dangling the bracelet to where he could see it.

"You didn't have to do this. I love it, it's perfect. Thank you… again." I stretched and kissed the back of his neck.

He switched off the burner to the stove and turned. "You're welcome, again. If I'd known it was your birthday last month, I would have gotten you something then. I'm sorry it's so late." Edward held my hand between us and kissed the inside of my wrist. "It looks good on you."

"It feels good on me," It did too, as though I had a piece of Edward wrapped around my wrist. "Don't apologize, Edward. You wouldn't have known if the hotel didn't have my personal information and an apparent cake policy," I chuckled. "So… when's _your_ birthday?"

His crooked smile came back. "That's one. June 20, 1976. Do you have another question for me?"

I licked my lips, still undecided about my one remaining question. "Not yet, I'll let you know." I peered around him, noticing the omelets he'd started. "Looks good, smells good too."

"I hope you like it. Would you mind halving a few of those oranges for the juice while I finish these?" he asked.

"I don't mind at all." The mood, _my_ mood, had gotten lighter and things between Edward and I had gone back to where they were – to where they were supposed to be.

I stood on the other side of the island and began to cut an orange while he flipped the omelet with ease. The smell of fresh citrus along with what he had been preparing floated in the kitchen. I sucked the sweet juice of the orange from my thumb and looked at Edward at the same time he turned to look at me. I let my thumb linger in my mouth a beat longer than normal, teasing him.

"They're very ripe… and juicy," I said, shrugging coolly.

Edward's mouth opened slightly, his tongue traced his bottom lip. "Can I have a taste?"

"Mm hm." He walked around the island to stand behind me.

I stuck two of my fingers in a sliced orange - droplets of liquid speckling the counter - and touched his bottom lip, slowly inserting my fingers into his mouth. Edward closed his lips around my fingers, sucking the juice from them. He gradually took my fingers from his mouth and leaned in, plunging his tongue into my mouth and languidly swirled it against mine.

Edward reached behind me, his erection pushing into my stomach as his body pressed against mine, and picked up a whole orange.

"They are ripe," he said, his voice low and raspy, and he rolled the orange between my breasts with his palm. Edward grazed his fingertips over my hard nipple; I could feel the heat from his fingers through the thin fabric of my sweater and bra. He slid the orange with his other hand down my stomach until he reached the point between my legs and rolled it in slow circles - I ached for him. I always ached for him when we were together.

"I shouldn't even bother to wear clothes around you," I said, peeling off my sweater. Edward unfastened my pants as I unbuttoned his shirt. "The eggs are going to get cold," I said as we undressed each other.

"Fuck the eggs." Edward swept my hair off of my shoulder and sucked at the nape of my neck. He picked up an open orange and traced it along my bottom lip, licking the juice that dripped onto my chin. I braced myself against the counter as he squeezed the orange over my collarbone, the nectar trickling down my chest.

"Does it taste good?" I asked as he ran his tongue along my breasts.

"Mm hmm… so good." Edward knelt, spreading me with his thumbs and licked my wetness with the flat of his tongue. My knees buckled from his touch and heat raced through my veins. _This man's tongue should be bronzed_. "But this tastes even better," he said with a low voice.

I closed my eyes, gripping the counter tightly as his mouth massaged me.

Edward entered me with his fingers, curling them slowly against my walls as he sucked my clit.

"Harder, Edward, suck harder," I panted.

Picking up another half of an orange, I squeezed it along my pelvis, the juice dripping down my legs and over my pubic bone. Edward tilted his head back slightly, the tip of his tongue still touching me, and I wiped the liquid from my pelvis onto his tongue.

He continued to work my clit with his mouth, my orgasm building, my muscles tightening, my body trembling.

"Edward, I'm going to come," I said breathlessly.

He moaned loudly, the vibrations from his lips sending me over the edge. My body shook, his fingers moved faster and I yelled indiscernible sounds and half-words as my climax peaked.

Edward grabbed his shirt from the floor and wiped me from his mouth. "I want to fuck you," he said, standing.

Shaking my head, I said, "I need to taste you first." A smile ghosted over his lips as I took the last orange half and squeezed it over his stomach. I knelt in front of him and grasped the base of his cock with my hand, licking the juice that ran over him.

I put the tip of it in my mouth and sucked softly, grazing it with my teeth. Edward laced his fingers through my hair and guided my head back and forth.

"Your mouth feels so good on me," he said and I looked up toward him. "Take me all the way in."

My hands gripped his hips and I greedily took all of him into my mouth, the tip of his cock touching the back of my throat.

"Jesus... you feel so fucking good, baby." I wrapped my tongue around his length, moving my head back and forth under the guide of his hands, and sucked harder.

The muscles of his backside flexed and tightened as I dug my fingertips into them, his hips moving a little faster. I moaned with him in my mouth, hoping the vibrating feeling would have the same effect on him as it did me… It did.

His cock pulsated, releasing drops of his warm, salty liquid. Edward grunted, his body tensed, and his grip in my hair tightened. "Yes… fuc-… God," he muttered. He came in heavy spurts and I hungrily swallowed everything.

I rose, kissing him softly along his stomach, tasting the orange from his skin, and kept on until I reached his neck. Edward wrapped his arms around me and I laid my head on his chest.

He kissed the top of my head. "I… um. You're very special to me, Bella."

I leaned back and kissed the underside of his chin as he seemed to be looking toward the ceiling. "You are too, Edward… special to me."

He smiled. "Are you hungry?" he asked.

"Starving."

Edward suggested that we go out for lunch because he didn't think the omelets would have tasted very good cold. I agreed and after we peeled ourselves from each others sticky bodies, we left the mess we'd made in the kitchen and showered.

An hour later, we drove in his Porsche to a restaurant a few miles from his house called Benjamin's. As we walked through the front door, a tall, slender man with light brown, hair standing behind the mahogany bar greeted us.

"Edward!" he called, and walked toward us. He shook Edward's hand and turned to smile at me.

"Garrett, this is Bella. Bella… Garrett," Edward said, introducing me to his friend.

"Nice to meet you, Garrett," I said, and shook his hand.

"Nice to meet you too, Bella. Are you two here for lunch?" he asked. Garrett's voice was smooth but loud and I wondered if he was always so cheerful.

"We are," Edward replied and Garrett led us to a table in the corner by a window that overlooked the lake. "We're starving," Edward snickered and grinned as he glanced down toward the menu. "Is Benjamin cooking up anything special today?"

Garrett listed the entrees and Edward and I decided to go with the salmon and share the crab and shrimp spring rolls.

"Garrett seems really nice," I stated as he walked into the kitchen with our order.

"He is. Benjamin and Garrett are brothers," Edward explained. "They've had this restaurant for about five years now. They do quite well, especially in the spring and summer months."

I looked around, enjoying all of the sea-faring décor. "You've known them that long?" I asked.

"Not too long, a couple of years I guess. They're good guys."

Garrett returned from the kitchen with a bottle of white wine. "Edward, this is the wine you asked about last week. Try it out and tell me what you think."

_Last week? _

As Edward sipped the wine and told Garrett how much he liked it, my mind raced again. I thought he'd just gotten home from his trip when he called me only a couple of days prior. I didn't know, maybe that's when Garrett was referring to. I glanced down at the bracelet Edward bought for me and then back into his jade eyes.

"Everything okay?" he asked, smiling.

"Yes, it's perfect."

Edward and I chatted about the food and the lake. He hinted about his plans for us for the remainder of the weekend, and the only clue he would tell me was that it involved a feather.

We finished our meals – which were amazingly good – and Edward excused himself to use the restroom. Within moments, Garrett appeared at the table with a pitcher of ice water.

"Edward's a decent guy, you know," he said and glanced toward the restrooms. "He told me about you and he cares a lot about you."

I watched Garrett closely, wondering where he was going with this, and then noticed someone, whom I assumed to be Benjamin, pop his head through the swinging door to the kitchen and smile widely at me. "I care about him, too," I said, and smiled at the man who disappeared back into the kitchen.

"It's none of my business, and he'd kill me if he found out I was talking to you about this, but whatever you've done, it's made a difference."

I shook my head, confused. "A difference in what? What kind of difference, Garrett?"

Edward walked out of the men's room, cutting our conversation short. Garrett winked, filled our water glasses and made some sort of random comment about lake currents to Edward.

My cell phone rang in my purse, breaking my thoughts of Garrett's cryptic declaration.

"Sorry," I said as I pulled out my cell, thinking it might be something about work and hoping it wasn't.

Edward shrugged as though to tell me he didn't mind and took a sip of his wine.

"Hello?" It was Rose. I felt a lump rise in my throat as she told me Renee had been taken to the hospital.

My fear and worry must have been visible because Edward was at my side before I hung up the phone.

"What's wrong?" He sat in the chair next to me, his one hand soothing my back, the other on my knee.

"My mom was taken to the hospital. Her husband found her unconscious and they don't know what's wrong. I need to go, Edward, I'm sorry." I swallowed audibly and my hands began to shake.

"I'm going with you," he said sternly.

"You don't have to. I'll be fine," I lied, feeling the sting of hot tears beginning to well in my eyes. I wanted him to be with me.

As we stood, Edward cupped his hands around my face. "I'm not going to let you drive when you're this upset, just let me get you home safely, okay?"

I drew in a ragged breath. "Okay."

Within the hour, Edward and I were speeding down I81, his hand gripping mine.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry to stop there, but this chapter was getting to be rather long.**

**Thank you sncmom, askthemagic8ball, and mac. They are, without a doubt, fanfreakingtastic.**

**Hey – Support Stacie!!! Auction is going on NOW!!! www(dot)supportstacie(dot)com.**

**All of the reviews, alert, and favorite story adds have been wonderful – thank you.**

**Come over to the Twilighted thread if you'd like to see a pic of the armoire and bracelet Edward bought for Bella.**

**Please review… It makes Mr. Multiple very happy.**


	7. I exploded

A/N: I do not own Twilight.

Many, many thanks to my friends and betas: Askthemagic8ball, sncmom, and my ficwife, mac214. They are the cherry on my sundae.

********

I swirled the thin, red and white plastic stirrer in the coffee that sat in front of me, watching as the circular patterns of the creamer disappeared into the steaming, black liquid. I wasn't particularly fond of coffee, but Edward didn't know.

He stood quietly in the background of the chaos that had taken place throughout the day, providing subtle smiles that said _It'll be okay,_ and partaking in awkward introductions and hand shakes with my brother, father, and step-father. He soothingly stroked my back when a doctor said more tests needed to be run after Renee's blood work raised suspicions of there possibly being something more serious. He brought me coffee when I refused to eat while we waited for the results of a CT scan and then a MRI.

Edward and I sat in the deserted hospital cafeteria together after everyone but Phil had gone home. Renee was sleeping soundly, and none of us could bring ourselves to tell her what the results were. Phil suggested we wait until the next morning to allow her to have a night of peace.

My head felt heavy, and the numbness began to wane; my eyes were dry but still stung from the tears. Edward sat silently with me for almost an hour because I wasn't ready to go home. He told me he wouldn't let me be alone after the radiologist and oncologist had announced Renee had pancreatic cancer.

I rubbed my hands hard against my face, as if to make myself feel something, anything, before looking at Edward. His elbows rested on the table with his hands clasped together as he pinched his bottom lip together with his thumbs. He was staring straight ahead, and I tried to lose myself in his profile.

"I think I'd like to go home now." My voice was rough but quiet.

"You're sure?"

I nodded.

***

Edward closed the door behind him as I tossed my purse and keys into the chair in my living room.

I turned toward him not really knowing what to say. There was no doubt in my mind he felt uneasy being with me after today – after witnessing something so personal, I knew this wasn't what he wanted. Raising my hands, my palms facing upward, I said, "Well… this is me," referring to my comparatively humble surroundings.

"You've got a great place, Bella." Edward looked around and smiled warmly as his eyes met mine.

His eyes may have been warm, but he had to have been wondering what he got himself into. His introduction into my life couldn't have been how he thought it would be – _if_ he had even thought about that at all.

I hadn't.

"Do you want to call the rental car place? You don't have to stay if you don't want to, but it's late, so..." No matter how he might have felt, I wanted him to stay.

I wanted him to spend the night with me and feel his arms around me before reality would surely hit with unrelenting force come morning.

He walked toward me, a deep crease in his brow. Edward cupped his hands around my face, lightly stroking my cheekbones with the pads of his thumbs, seemingly studying my expression. "You okay?"

I shrugged, slightly opening my mouth with the intent to tell him I would be fine if he needed to leave, but nothing came out.

"I didn't think so. You've been through a lot today, and I'm not going anywhere."

"I was hoping you'd say that." I buried my face in his chest, feeling the heat from the tears building up in my eyes again, thinking about what the oncologist had said. It was still early, but Renee's prognosis didn't seem very good.

"I'll stay as long as you need me, Bella," Edward said, his lips touching my hair.

I leaned back, wiping my cheek with the hem of my sweater. "It means so much that you were there for me today… and here with me now, but I don't want to disrupt your life."

"You're not a disruption, Bella. You're anything but that." He said this as though it was supposed to be obvious. "I care about you. I told you, you're very special to me."

"I care about you too, Edward, but don't you have to work?"

Edward paused for a moment. "I don't… work." My forehead wrinkled in confusion, and he stepped back, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck. "I had my own business, but I sold it a few years ago. I guess you could say I retired early."

"Oh."

"Look, that's not important right now, and you've got to be exhausted. Do you want to go lie down?"

My head was spinning and I was tired - emotionally and physically. I led Edward to my bedroom, and for the first time since we met, my thoughts were not even remotely focused on being with him sexually. It felt odd, but then again, I felt odd. Almost as if I was dreaming.

Edward hadn't packed anything – we left his lake house in a rush, neither of us expecting him to spend the night – and stripped down to his boxers as I changed into sweatpants and a tank. He turned off the bedroom light and climbed into bed with me, and I lay my head on his arm, his other tight around my waist. He was so warm; his knees were tucked behind mine, his lips close to my ear. I concentrated on his breathing, feeling his chest rise and fall against my back, and tried to fall asleep.

My mind mercilessly wandered from counting Edward's breaths to thinking about how my family and I were going to tell my mother she had cancer the next morning. The room was too quiet to do anything but think.

"Talk to me, Edward. Distract me," I whispered.

"What do you want me to say?" He gently pulled my hair back and kissed me behind my ear.

"I don't care, anything. Just… talk."

Edward rolled on his back, pulling me with him. I shifted to lay my head on his chest, and listened to his heart beat steady and strong in my ear. He held me firmly against him and lightly traced his fingers up and down my arm at a slow pace.

"When I was seven, I used to watch this show called _The A Team_ religiously. Every Tuesday night I sat in front of the TV with a bowl of popcorn and a huge glass of grape Kool-Aid. My favorite character on the show was Sergeant B.A. Baracus… do you know who I'm talking about?" he asked.

"I know the show, but not the guy," I replied as I snuggled closer to Edward, closing my eyes and smelling the sage scent lingering on his skin.

"Mr. T. - mohawk, lots of gold chains… I begged my parents to buy me gold chains because I thought he was so cool. They refused."

I remembered. "Did you walk around saying "I pity the fool."?" I asked quietly, tilting my head back to look toward Edward.

He scrunched his chin against his chest as he peered down at me, smirking. "Maybe. So, anyway that summer I thought it would be a great idea to get my dad's electric razor and give myself a haircut similar to Mr. T's."

"You didn't."

"I did."

I laughed softly at the image of little boy with big green eyes and a copper mohawk, momentarily forgetting about Renee.

A few quiet moments passed, and I asked, "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" I didn't know why, but I wondered if Edward would consider this to be my second question.

"No, I'm an only child."

_It's too quiet, keep talking._

"What kind of business?"

"Hmm?" Edward asked, combing through my hair with his fingers.

For now, I didn't care about our rules. We could go back to the way things were the following day or week even. I didn't care – I just needed him to talk to me.

"The one you sold – what was it?"

He sighed, bringing the comforter up around my shoulder, and I could feel his heart beat a little faster. "It was a small helicopter touring company."

"Did you like it?" I asked, yawning.

Edward shifted so our bodies faced each others; my head nestled in the crook of his neck. "For a while…" he whispered, stroking my hair, "sleep, Bella."

My eyelids were heavy, and I could feel myself drifting off to sleep in Edward's embrace. "Please keep talking. Tell me another story."

I hoped to dream of only Edward, and the last thing I remembered hearing was something about a bike and a broken arm.

***

"She took it well, don't you think?" Emmett asked. "Especially considering everything the doctors unloaded on her and Phil… and us."

I nodded in agreement, staring out the window of Emmett's car, watching the pink, blue, and purple hues of the October sunset as he drove me home. Both of us had been at the hospital the entire day. "Well, she's tough. She always has been," I stated.

I held onto a small glimmer of hope that Renee was just tough enough to be in the four percent of those who actually survived the disease.

"So, you'll be her chemo-buddy on Wednesdays, and I'll take Fridays." Emmett gripped the steering wheel tightly. Phil had Mondays.

"_We'd like to take an aggressive approach, Mrs. Dwyer, and begin chemotherapy right away. The tumor is advanced, and before surgery can be considered, we'd like to attack the cancer cells before they spread, and hopefully, shrink the tumor…"_

I shook my head, thinking about Renee's reaction to the man and woman who stood before her, their hands clasped in front of them, no expression on their faces as they delivered her fate for the coming weeks. "_I think I'll need to go shopping for a wig first. I've heard this stuff makes you sick as a dog, and I don't want to be sick _and_ bald."_

"Mm hm. I just need to talk to Tanya and see what can be arranged at work," I answered. Tanya's reaction to my needing to rearrange my work schedule scared the hell out of me – I was still new in my position, and I loved my job.

"Edward seems like a nice guy." Emmett didn't like talking about this anymore than I did. I felt badly for him - taking care of his family, a new baby, and now this.

"He is. I like him… a lot."

Edward was waiting for me at home. He told me that morning, after forcing me to eat a banana and slice of toast – _"You need potassium... eat,"_ - he would wait for me, and we'd see how I felt when I got home. It was assumed he'd stay another night if I wanted him to, and I did. I left my car for him, not that he would know the area, but it had a GPS if he wanted to go anywhere - I didn't know how long I would be.

"How's Lily?" I asked. I knew she was great; Rose and I talked all the time, but I hated the silence.

It was anomalous too, Emmett and I making small talk. The conversation almost forced, but it was the first time he smiled all day.

"Gorgeous. Spits up all the time and then smiles this big, gummy smile like she's proud of herself. James is bored with her already though. Rose was on Ebay last week looking for some new exercise thingamajig, and James wanted to know what she was doing. So, Rose told him how Ebay worked, and he asked if we could sell the baby." Emmett rolled his eyes, but the love he felt for his family was obvious to everyone around him when he spoke of them. Sometimes I envied him.

We turned onto my street. It was that time, early in the evening when the sun had just set and the sky was not yet black making it hard to focus on anything in the close distance, and I squinted at a car parked in front of my house.

"Is that Jake's car?" Emmett asked.

I looked at Emmett, my jaw dropping in disbelief – my car was in the driveway, which meant Edward was there, of course. Jake's car was parked on the street. Jake was there… inside my house… with Edward.

"I don't need this, Em. Not right now."

_This is just perfect. Fuck. Fucking Jake._

"Do you want me to come inside with you?" he asked as we pulled up in front of my house.

"Would you mind?" It was just weird and unexpected and admittedly, I was pissed. I wanted to use Em as a buffer.

I took a deep breath before opening the front door and walked in, Emmett following closely behind. Edward and Jake both stood as we walked into the room. I looked back and forth between the two of them; Edward's face was expressionless, and Jake's scrunched up in an odd way… concern? He breezed by Edward and pulled me into an uncomfortably tight hug.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. How ya doin', honey?"

"Why are you here, Jake?" I squirmed out of his grip and stepped back.

"Hey, Edward," Emmett said he moved his head in one of those quick, manly bob things.

"Emmett." Edward walked over and shook Emmett's hand.

The three of them now surrounded me, they towered over me, and I backed into Edward, almost instinctively.

"I heard about your mom," Jake started, "and I wanted to come over to see if you were okay. Your car was here, but you weren't, obviously." His eyes darted toward Edward.

"How did you hear?" I asked. My hand was on the outside of Edward's thigh as if he was my security blanket.

"Leah. She works at the hospital," Jake said quietly, and I wondered if his girlfriend had violated some sort of confidentiality law or why she even cared. "I would have called, but I figured I'd drive by to see if you were home and check if you were okay. Do you need anything?" he asked.

I reached for Edward's hand - part of me was scared to touch him because I had no idea what had transpired between him and Jake. "I'm fine, Jake. I don't need anything."

Edward laced his fingers with mine and squeezed, Jake's jaw tensed as he eyeballed every movement.

Emmett looked at the three of us, seemingly appraising the situation. "Belly, I should get goin'."

I held onto Edward's hand as I leaned toward Emmett and kissed his cheek. "Thanks for the ride, Em. I'll call you tomorrow." I pulled him closer and whispered, "Please get Jake out of here."

Emmett nodded and said, "Take care, Edward. Come on, Jake, Bella's had a long day." He walked to the door and opened it, waiting for Jake.

"Yeah, sure." Jake took my free hand between his. "Bella, call me if you need anything, okay?" His eyes hardened as he looked toward Edward. "Edward," he said with a low voice.

"Jake," Edward replied and slid his hand around my waist.

I turned to face Edward once Emmett and Jake were gone. He raised his eyebrows, and at this point, I really had no idea what he could be thinking.

"Um… we used to be married." My entire body was tense, and I suddenly felt very cold and shivered. My stomach was in knots.

"Yeah, so I heard." Edward bit his bottom lip and then led me to the kitchen. "Dinner's on the way," he said casually, which surprised me. Truthfully, I wasn't really sure what to expect. The only thing I _had_ been sure of in the past twenty-four hours was that I counted on Edward more than I wanted to.

"Wine?" he asked, pulling two glasses from the cabinet, clearly finding his way around my kitchen.

"Yes, wine would be perfect." I thought about asking him what happened between him and Jake, but decided not to.

Edward poured the wine and I smiled noticing the label on the bottle -Two-Buck Chuck – and this was the first time _I _smiled today. I mentioned this brand, nick-name rather, to Edward just once the night we first had dinner together, but he remembered.

"Do you want to talk about today?" he asked, taking a pull from his glass as we both sat at my kitchen table.

I absently swirled the burgundy liquid in my glass, staring at the wood grain pattern of the table. "It doesn't look good. I mean, there's so much to process right now, you know? So many terms and statistics were thrown around, and I'm not even sure I understand everything that's going to happen over the next few weeks."

I looked at Edward, his expression was soft, and for a moment I'd forgotten that he probably felt overwhelmed by my problems. I wouldn't blame him if he left and never came back.

"Edward… if this is too much for you, I don't want you to feel like you _have_ to be here. It's so much for me - I can only imagine what you're thinking. You just met my ex-husband for crying-out-loud and you didn't even know I was married. I know you didn't sign up for this when we started all of this, and now… here you are, sharing childhood stories to help me fall asleep and shaking hands with my brother and-" My stomach began to churn, my chest felt heavy, and my hands trembled. Hot tears welled in the corners of my eyes. "… and you bought Two-Buck Chuck," salty tears poured down my cheeks as I leaned forward, every part of me shuddering, feeling as though I might vomit, "… and my mom's dying."

"Shhh, baby, no, no, no." Edward moved in front of me quickly, knocking the chair backwards and placed his hands on my jaw. He peppered soft kisses around my face. I sobbed loudly and he rose from the floor and lifted me from my chair. "It's going to be okay. Shhh. It's going to be okay."

I leaned into his shoulder, cradled in his arms, as he carried me to bed. Everything that had built up inside me - fear, concern, anxiety - had just exploded without warning and I continued to sob.

Edward tucked me close to him as we lay next to each other, and I gripped his shirt so tightly my knuckles turned white. "I'm sorry."

"Why? Don't be sorry, Bella." He lifted my chin with his finger. "I _want_ to be here… with you."

I drew in a ragged breath. "But it's so much."

Edward shook his head, bringing his mouth to mine. He tasted like wine as he took my upper lip into his mouth. Edward pulled back, our noses almost touching, and the shade of his green eyes was deeper, richer.

"You don't understand," he whispered. "I need you."

********

A/N: Would you like to know what the conversation was between Jake and Edward? You only need to do one simple thing: Go to http://mskathyff(dot)blogspot(dot)com. And donate $5 to any Haitian relief fund. There are over 200 authors donating a variety of works for the cause. The outtake will be in Edward's POV, which is included in the compilation, and will only be available to those who donate. The original works, one shots, outtakes, etc. will be emailed January 25 – provided there are no unforeseen circumstances preventing the actual date of email delivery. You have until the 24th to make a donation. Details are on msKathy's blogspot.

Whenever a new chapter of Hints is posted, it received over 900 hits. For this, I am so grateful and tickled and excited. Just think if everyone who stopped for a moment to read this chapter donated $5 - that would be over $4500.

Okay – off my soapbox now. Big things this chapter… where do you think these two will go now?


	8. I listened to him play

A/N: This one's for depechemama.

I love my betas: Askthemagic8ball, mac214, and sncmom. They make things so pretty.

By the way – I don't own Twilight.

_Edward needed me._ Those words spun round and round in my mind over the past two weeks. Did he need me the same way I needed him?

Edward went home the following morning after he held me for hours and let me cry myself to sleep. I wanted him to stay, but at the same time I didn't. Part of me was afraid I'd scare him off by subjecting him to my world so fast, and the other part wanted to cling to him and never let go.

We spoke every night by phone and there was a casual intimacy to our conversations – if that's even possible. Some nights we talked for over an hour and other nights we chatted for only minutes. The shorter conversations seemed to serve as a reminder the other person was still there, not forgotten in the chaos of the day. That was how it was for me anyway. Just to hear his voice long enough to say goodnight after spending twelve hours at work or the afternoon with Renee seemed to make things so much better.

He told me about his parents, Carlisle and Esme, and how they adopted him as an infant. Edward said he never wanted for anything and they were great parents. His father was a plastic surgeon and his mother a cellist, and they lived in a neighborhood outside Los Angeles I'd never heard of called Holmby Hills. I asked why he lived on the opposite end of the country if his parents were so wonderful – I didn't say it exactly like that – and he said he simply needed a change of scenery.

Edward had first hand experience with my family, so there was no need to delve into any of that with him, although I did ask if there was anything he needed to share with me regarding his and Jake's impromptu introduction. Edward only said Jake seemed to still care for me. He didn't say anything further, and the subject was dropped. Jake seemed like a totally different person to me now since I spent time with Edward. He was definitely in the past for me. Did that mean Edward was my future?

"Bella," Jasper said as he poked his head around the door to my office, "Tanya's on her way up."

"Okay, thanks." I had only spoken with Tanya over the phone regarding Renee's recent diagnosis. Tanya had been understanding and said to do what I needed to do when it came to my family, but made it very clear it would be a problem if I let my work slide. It hadn't so far, in fact it was the perfect distraction when I wasn't with Edward.

"Felix is with her."

_Fuck_.

I hated Felix. He was head of the western distribution team and an overbearing ass. He and Mike – Tanya's ex-husband or soon to be ex or whatever he was now – were very good friends. The two headed up the boys club, and Felix was always sucking up to Tanya. Felix was also bucking for the international job. The new Japanese spa market that Denali Corp had acquired was the same one that Jasper and I had been working so hard on over the past weeks. The one I _had_ wanted.

But now, with everything going on with my mom, I knew I wouldn't be able to take it on. The worst part was that it would be handed to Felix on a proverbial silver platter and that made me want to vomit.

Tanya pushed the door to my office open and walked in, Felix followed closely behind.

"Mrs. Newton, how are you?" I asked, offering my hand. "Felix."

"Bella, I need to talk with the both of you," Tanya said as she sat in the chair opposite my desk. Felix sat in the adjacent chair. I couldn't help but stare at the glare reflecting off of his black hair from overabundant use of gel. He reminded me of the Bob's Big Boy character.

"As you both know, Denali Corporation has confirmed deals with several top spas in Japan. This could bring in revenue of over five million per year. As heads of distribution, I'll need one of you to oversee this venture beginning immediately."

Felix snickered and smoothed his plasticized hair.

"Felix, you are the obvious choice given that your experience outweighs Bella's."

Okay – why did I need to be here for this?

"However, you won't be able to focus one-hundred percent on Japan while running the western division. So Bella, I'd like you to head both the east and west coasts. This will involve travel. Do you accept?"

Felix's expression changed from confident to confusion within seconds, as I'm sure mine looked just as befuddled. All this time, I'd done no research on the western markets or knew much about the clients. I'd focused solely on our east coast clientele and the Japanese market. My department not only oversaw shipment schedules, but we also had direct contact with our customers. It was more than just dealing with trucking companies to load boxes of exfoliates and moisturizers. My job was customer specific, and we catered to their requests.

I wanted Japan badly, and I wanted to continue to run the east coast, but Japan had only a third of the clientele that the west coast division had.

I inhaled deeply and looked at Tanya and then toward Felix. He sat brooding quietly in his chair. "I'm not sure, Mrs. Newton. Given my recent situation, I wouldn't want to let you down." Felix rolled his eyes. "I'd like to talk this through though, because I _know_ I can do this."

"I know that too, Bella, otherwise I wouldn't be sitting with you right now." She turned toward Felix. "Felix, I'm going to need you on a plane with me to Japan tomorrow. My secretary, Lauren, already has your flight information, so why don't you go upstairs and check in with her."

"Of course, Mrs. Newton." Felix rose and shook Tanya's hand then nodded toward me. "Bella."

"Felix," I replied.

Once he was gone, Tanya asked that I sit in the chair next to her. We hadn't become friends, per se, but our relationship blossomed from what it had been before, and I admired her no-bullshit personality a lot more than I thought I would.

"This thing with your mother – how bad is it?" she asked.

"It's as bad as it can be, I guess. She's receiving chemo treatments three times a week. In two weeks they will run another CT scan. But now, her oncologist refuses to give any kind of prognosis.

"Look, Mrs. Newton, I want this responsibility, truly I do, but to be honest I don't want to let you or the company down in case something… changes. I-"

Tanya raised her hand and interrupted me. "I'm going to share something with you no one in this company is aware of, except for Mike, of course. About five years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Lucky for me they caught it early; that and having money to pay private doctors to run tests that insurance companies would otherwise not cover because of idiotic rules mandated by government agencies or insurance higher-ups. Anyway, they caught it early, but it scared the fuck out of me."

I stared at her intently, wondering why she was sharing such personal information with me. Did she want to bond with me?

"So, instead of going through rounds of chemo and radiation, I opted for surgery. I told the doctor to just cut the damn things off because I didn't want that shit in my body anymore. Mike thought I was crazy, of course, but then when I came home with breasts large enough to be carted around in a wheel barrel, his thoughts changed." She chuckled and rolled her eyes, and I couldn't help but smile. She lifted her hands and pointed to her breasts. "These puppies are my own way of saying 'Fuck you' to cancer."

We both laughed. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that, Tanya." Surely, I could address her by her first name after her confession.

"My point is, Bella, I understand the stress you're under, and I know how scared your mother is. I want you to succeed in this company, but I won't let this disrupt my plans for you. So, in the meantime, involve Jasper as much as you can – he's smart, I like him. I'm also giving you Felix's assistant, Maggie, as well – she's kind of bitchy, but she's good. The three of you will work together closely, and you'll need to delegate when necessary, but don't make the same mistake Mike made with you."

"What do you mean the same mistake?"

"Mike was smart and dumb enough to have you do his work for him, and he took full credit. My advice to you is to hold onto your power with everything you've got because you never know when someone will be waiting to steal it away when you least expect it."

"I didn't steal his power, Tanya. You gave it to me."

"True. And I wouldn't think twice about doing it again." She looked down at my wrist. "Nice bracelet, by the way… maybe I'm paying you too much."

I smiled and touched the heart dangling from the bracelet. "Thank you, but it was a gift."

How did she do that? How could she make someone feel secure and precarious at the same time?

As she walked out of my office, I heard her tell Jasper I needed to speak with him. _No time like the present_, I thought.

Jasper and I discussed the forthcoming changes to life as we knew it. He hadn't been with the company long enough to familiarize himself with everyone, but he assured me he would have no problem working closely with Maggie. His band hadn't booked many gigs in the near future, so he was available to work later than usual. I wasn't thrilled with the idea of bringing Maggie onto our team because it was true; she really was bitchy. Hopefully, her _unpleasant_ personality was the result of working for Felix, and there was a happy Maggie waiting to come out.

I called Emmett and told him about work. He was happy, but I was worried. I had no plans to neglect my family if and when they needed me, but Em promised everything would work itself out, at least with respect to my job.

I called Edward after I hung up with Emmett. I wanted to see him before things got too crazy, and I wanted to go to his place and not a hotel.

"Hey," he answered.

"Hey yourself."

"To what do I owe this surprise in the middle of the day?"

"Can I come down this weekend?" I asked. "Things are going to get a little busy for me, and I wanted to see you before then."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine. Just unexpected. So, are you busy?"

"Never too busy for you. I miss you."

"I miss you too."

"I can come up there if you'd like, if it'll make it easier on you."

"I'd rather come to you, if that's okay. It's a good time." I was referring to Renee's current condition. She was tolerating chemo well and said her pain was manageable. I did feel a little selfish wanting to run away to Edward, but Rose had recently reminded me I shouldn't revolve every decision I made around Renee. She said it wasn't good for either one of us to act as though I was hovering over her death bed. It was a morbid thought.

"I'd like that," he said.

Thirty-six hours later, I pulled up in Edward's driveway. He sat on his porch steps, just as he had every other time I came to his house. Edward looked amazing, but he always looked amazing. He wore a cream, cable-knit sweater and faded jeans. His hair seemed a little longer than the last time I'd seen him, the copper strands scattered in sexy disarray.

He walked toward my car, meeting me half way and I jumped into his arms, almost knocking him over. I pressed my forehead against his and gripped his face gently.

Every care in the world washed away the moment I saw him. I questioned my sanity for not begging him to stay with me before. Not that I would have needed to, it was me who initiated that conversation.

"Swan," he said, laughing.

I took his bottom lip in my mouth and loosened my legs from his waist, slowly sliding down his body.

"Cullen." I had a stupid grin plastered on my face.

Edward leaned down to kiss me. His sage and clean laundry scent was subtle, and I loved how my clothes smelled of him after being together.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and I slipped mine around his waist as we walked into his house.

"How was the drive?" he asked, shutting the door behind us.

"It was great, no traffic at all."

Edward hung my bag on the stair railing and asked if I wanted anything to drink. I followed him down the hall and something in the room off of the kitchen caught my eye.

"Is that new?" I asked, pointing to the shiny, black piano that sat in the middle of what was intended to be a dining room.

"What?"

"That. The piano."

"Oh. Yeah. Do you play?"

"Not really, well, no. I can play Chopsticks if you consider that _playing_. Are you going to get a new piece of furniture every time I visit?"

"Only if necessary. Besides, I need _something_ to keep me occupied when I'm not with you."

"So, you bought a piano. Most people would read a book or take up golf or something."

"It's not new. It's from Garrett's restaurant, and I'm not most people."

No, he was definitely not most people.

I thought back to our lunch at Benjamin's. "I don't remember one being there."

"There's another room off the main dining area. It's more of an intimate setting. Garrett and Benjamin were planning on remodeling that part of the restaurant and were selling the piano… so I bought it." He shrugged.

"Will you play for me?"

"I'm not very good," he warned.

"I won't judge."

Edward turned to face me. He traced his finger down the line of my jaw. "I can think of other things I'd like to do for you right now, things I'm _very_ good at."

I lifted my hand and touched his bottom lip with my index finger. The corners of his eyes creased slightly when he smiled. "I know about those things, Cullen. Play for me… please?"

Edward sighed and took my hand. We sat on the bench, and his hand glided over the keys.

"What do you want me to play?"

"I don't know. Anything."

Edward glanced at me from his periphery and smirked. "Here goes nothing."

He gracefully stroked the black and white keys, and it wasn't until a minute or two into the piece I recognized what he was playing.

"That's Nocturne," I said, surprised.

Edward smiled and nodded, his fingers continuing to stroke the keys effortlessly. "It reminds me of you."

"You lied about your skill level, Edward. You're incredible." I slid my hand up his back and wove my fingers through his hair.

He closed his eyes and tilted his head against my hand. "And you're very distracting."

Edward stopped playing and turned toward me. He cupped his hands on my cheeks and brought my face to his. He took my upper lip into his mouth and sucked as I moved to straddle him on the piano bench.

"I want you, Bella," he whispered, his voice gravelly.

"Take me, Edward. I'm yours." I grabbed the hem of my sweater and pulled it over my head, dropping it on the floor.

He pulled the straps of my bra down from my shoulders as he dragged his nose and then lips between my breasts.

"You are mine, aren't you?"

I reached around and unfastened the clasp. He slowly dragged the straps down my arms and looked up at me, and I lost myself in his eyes.

"Yes." My heart pounded in my chest by my admission.

Edward and I rose as he pulled his sweater over his head, and my breath hitched. I ran my nails down his chest, over his navel and unfastened his jeans, our eyes not breaking contact. He had an inexplicable power over me when he looked at me so intently. Everything else seemed silent.

He unbuttoned my jeans and tugged them down my hips. We stood in front of each other, our clothes now pooled at our feet, and Edward took my wrists in his hand and raised my arms, my forearms resting on my head.

He trailed his fingers from my elbows down my arms, down my sides, and over my hips. I shivered from his delicate touch. Edward grinned as he continued to drag his fingers lightly down my pelvis. I parted my lips and drew in a deep breath as he moved one hand to my breast - the other found its way between my legs. He circled his fingers around my clit; and dropping my arms to my sides, I braced myself against the piano, the heels of my hands making an offensive noise against the keys.

"You're so wet." He moved his finger to his mouth and sucked me from it. "And so sweet. Do you want to taste?"

I nodded and pushed my foot against the bench as he moved closer, the tip of his cock grazing my belly. Edward slid his finger into my mouth, and with his other hand he positioned himself at my entrance. He moaned softly as I sucked the sweet and salty tasted from his finger.

Edward leaned into me, hooking his finger around my bottom teeth, opening my mouth and plunged his tongue against mine. He grasped the back of my thigh and thrust himself into me.

I clenched my eyes shut as his hips bucked against mine, feeling all of him inside me. I held on to the back of his neck, digging my nails into his skin and grasped tightly onto the corner of the piano. My bottom pounded against the keys from his thrusts, creating loud reverberations in the room.

Edward pressed his cheek against mine and nibbled at my earlobe. I had missed his touch and him being inside me. I dragged my lips and tongue across his cheek toward his mouth and sucked his bottom lip. Our tongues swirled together, and we groaned into each others' mouths.

"Never again, Edward."

"Never again, what, baby?" he huffed.

"To be apart from you for so long."

I moved my hands to either side of me and gripped the piano, the keys pressed down in their entirety under my palms. Edward grabbed my hips with both of his hands and lifted me, pushing himself deep inside me. I grunted as my muscles constricted around him.

"Are you going to come?" he asked breathlessly, pounding my hips hard against his – his lean biceps flexing with each movement.

I bit my bottom lip. "Mmm hmm."

My legs quivered, and I threw my head back, yelling his name as my orgasm peaked.

"God… Edward… fu-!"

I opened my eyes to look back at him, panting. His beautiful body was covered in a thin sheen of sweat. He closed his eyes as he stilled. "Bella," he whispered, and I could feel him throbbing inside me as he released.

He moved one hand behind my back and the other around my lower back as he moved us to the piano bench carefully so he remained inside of me. I straddled him, running my fingers through his hair as we licked and sucked each others' lips.

Edward overwhelmed me, and for a moment I wanted to give up everything else and never leave him. He dipped his head and gently pressed his forehead against my chest as I pressed my nose and lips into his hair.

"I love you."

A/N: I know, I know!

I promise no pianos were injured in the writing of this chapter. I did receive a few concerned comments from sncmom and askthemagic8ball about the piano needing to be tuned or the black keys falling off. For some reason, I think Edward wasn't too worried.

Debussy's _Nocturne_ was the song playing in One Weekend when Edward fed Bella lobster.

Just a reminder if you did not have a chance to donate to the Haiti fund through MsKathy's blog, you can still do so! Over 270 author's contributed and there is an outtake of Jake and Edward's conversation from chapter 7 included.

Thanks to all who read, add, and review.


	9. I jumped

A/N: I don't own Twilight.

* * *

I love you.

_Ohmygod._

I froze… completely motionless while straddling his lap, my fingers still woven in his hair and my lips still pressed against the top of his head.

_Fuck!_

Did I say that out loud? Did he hear me? Edward didn't move either; his body was tense.

He heard me.

_Fuck._

If we sat here long enough maybe he would forget, or I could feign an illness and pretend to pass out. Better yet, if my body would snap out of lockdown and obey my commands I could grind myself against him, and he wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything other than wanting to have sex with me again.

"Um, Bella?" Edward's forehead was still pressed against my chest.

"Hmm?" I squeaked.

"Could you let go of my hair?"

I gasped, looking at my white knuckles and chunks of his hair trapped between my fingers.

"Sorry!" I whispered loudly and released my hold on him. I dropped my hands and moved them to rest on my thighs.

A lump rose in my throat, and I swallowed with an audible gulp. My pulse beating loudly in my ears was the only thing breaking the deafening silence. Edward smoothed the pads of his thumbs over my hips and tilted his head back.

His lips twitched slightly, turning into an awkward smile. "I don't know how to respond to that."

I drew in a deep breath and looked everywhere but at him.

"I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."

Edward placed his hands on either side of my head until my eyes met his.

"Don't apologize, Bella… Jesus. You mean so much to me. I feel it when I'm with you, when we're like this." Edward trailed his fingers down my breasts. He closed his eyes and kissed the hollow of my neck. "When I'm inside you… I feel it. I miss you like crazy when we're not together…" Edward paused for a moment and looked back at me. "But I can't respond to that."

He couldn't love me.

He needed me, but he couldn't love me.

Even though I wasn't sure if I really loved him, it hurt… badly.

None of it made any sense though. It wasn't as if I wanted him to tell me he loved me back, but the armoire, the bracelet… the things he said. I was now more confused than ever.

I thought I was in love once, but I was wrong. Edward was so different.

I climbed off him and gathered my clothes; he stood up and did the same. It was quiet and uncomfortable as we both dressed.

I hated the silence.

"I don't expect you to say anything."

Edward zipped his jeans, then ran both hands through his hair. It seemed as if there were a million thoughts running through his mind as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

"We had a deal." His voice was quiet.

My heart felt as though it had sunk down into my stomach. He didn't want more.

Edward wanted to keep it casual, and I blew it. Could I blame him? Did I even love him? It was early – too early - but I felt so good when I was with him. There were so many things going on in my life, so many things up in the air, but he was the one thing that remained constant. I didn't know what I expected of him now, of us – he knew so much about me. He met my family for chrissakes.

Things were suddenly a little… fucked up.

The tension was too thick between us, and I debated with myself what to do or say next.

After a few quiet, awkward moments, I finally came to the conclusion that I had three options.

One: I could pretend the past five minutes never happened and go on with the weekend, accept him being so utterly vague and cryptic, and abide by our deal – if that's what he wanted. Two: I could get my things and leave. This was not a favorable option, although it would perhaps allow me to walk away with a little dignity. Or three: I could jump in feet first – no turning back – and lay everything on the table thus, possibly ending up with my second option anyway, with or without dignity.

I chose option three and jumped. It was as if a wave of clarity came over me. My confusion, his vagueness – it was just bullshit.

"We did… but I think our deal pretty much went out the window when you met my family."

Edward didn't say anything; he just stood there shaking his head.

"What is it, Edward?"

Nothing.

He didn't seem as though he was going to budge, so I pushed. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to freak you out, but you've got to talk to me. I don't know what you mean when you say you feel it but can't respond."

"This wasn't supposed to happen," he said, leaning back against the wall.

"What? This? You and me?"

Edward chewed at the inside of his cheek as he looked toward the floor. He seemed angry, and I didn't want to fight. I just wanted to know.

"You said you feel it."

"I do."

"You said you needed me."

He looked back toward me with a sober expression. "I do."

My breath came a little faster, and I took a step toward him. "You asked me if I was yours."

"You said you were."

"I am…" My heart sputtered, my hands trembled, and I could feel tears beginning to prick at the corners of my eyes. "Why do you need me?"

"Not now, Bella."

I couldn't stop pushing him.

"You said it would always be good between us."

"You shouldn't have told me you loved me."

"Why, Edward?" He didn't say anything, and I was getting frustrated. "You're right - I shouldn't have said that because honestly, I don't know. Maybe I was just caught up in the moment. Is that why you said the things you did? Was it just a momentary lapse in judgment?"

"Is that what it was for you? A lapse in judgment?" he spat.

"No! I don't know! Do you always make promises you can't keep?"

His brow furrowed. "It's not like that."

"Then tell me what it's like, Edward, because I really don't understand! I'm not asking for a declaration from you. I don't want that." He tapped the back of his head against the wall and stared at the ceiling. "I want my second question."

"What?"

"My second question – the last time I was here you said I could have two. The first one was about your birthday, and now I want my second question. _Why_ do you need me?"

I waited while we looked at each other for several moments - his lips were pulled into a hard line. I forced back tears as I waited - suddenly realizing how terrified I'd become he might actually tell me I was anything less than what I wanted to be to him.

Anything was possible because nothing made sense.

I needed to know.

My hands were fisted tightly at my sides - my entire body began to ache from standing so still, I'd almost forgotten to breathe.

"Tell me!"

"You make me forget," he whispered.

"Forget what, Edward?"

"Please don't do this."

_Dammit!_

"Would you fucking talk to me?" I yelled.

"Bella, please."

"Please what? Talk to me!"

"People died because of me, Bella! And when I'm with you, I forget."

Edward hauled himself away from the wall, glaring at me – his eyes full of pain, and walked into the other room.

I wasn't sure how long I stood with my arms wrapped around my waist processing what he said: it could have been mere seconds, but it felt like hours. He was my distraction when I received the news about Renee, but apparently I was always his.

The silence was broken by Edward's heavy footsteps and the sound of the refrigerator being opened and slammed shut, followed by the soft whisper of the sliding glass door opening.

I walked into the kitchen and looked through the window. Edward sat in one of the white, wooden chairs on his deck, his back facing me, and took a long pull from a bottle of beer.

Leaning my hip against the counter, I absently tugged at my bracelet, the one he'd given me, and rubbed the chain between my thumb and index finger.

Edward left the sliding glass door open, and I interpreted that to mean I was welcome to follow him. The fall air floating through the kitchen was cool, so I grabbed the throw from his couch and a beer for me, and walked out to the deck, welcomed or not.

He stared straight ahead toward the calm lake. The water was still and smooth like glass, a deep grayish-blue, untainted. Only the small ripples hitting the short expanse of the pebbled beach below made it seem real. It was actually a little ironic, given everything else seemed so surreal.

I wrapped the beige throw around me and cradled the beer in my hands as I quietly sat in the chair next to his.

Edward picked at the paint on the arm of the chair and balanced the green bottle on his knee, holding the mouth of it with his other.

"The first time I was in the air was with my grandfather. I was probably about eight or nine when he took me up in a Piper Cub bi-plane. Flying was his hobby, and he taught me everything he knew. From the very first time I flew with him, I knew that's what I wanted to do. He took me out almost every weekend, allowing me to take the controls just about every time. We never told my parents. Each time we took off, he would laugh and ask me if I was ready to race the clouds." Edward smiled slightly.

"He was wealthy - very wealthy - and he passed away when I was fifteen. He left me enough money to pay for college and then some. But instead of going to the esteemed school of my parent's choice, I went to a smaller, local college and majored in business while logging enough hours to get my pilot's license." His face softened minutely as he looked at me. "They weren't very happy about that."

I smiled and took a sip of my beer as I waited for him to continue.

"I didn't know it at the time, but when I turned twenty-five I suddenly had more money than I knew what to do with. My grandfather had apparently set up a trust fund in my name.

"My parents and I vacationed in Hawaii a few times when I was younger, and after the money became accessible to me, I moved there. A year later, I was running my own helicopter touring company in Maui. As sort of a thank you to my grandfather, I named it Racing the Cloud Tours." Edward rubbed his hand over his face and leaned forward.

I shifted in my chair, adjusting the throw around me. The breeze picked up a little, and I was chilly. Edward finished his beer and set the bottle on the deck. I wasn't sure if I should say anything or let him continue, so I reached out and lightly stroked his arm with the back of my hand.

"I had three helicopters and a few employees. I gave tours as much as I could just because I felt more at home in the air than on the ground, but I had a business to run." Edward pursed his lips before taking in a deep breath. "I always did the flight pre-checks, even after my mechanic cleared the birds safe for flight."

Edward was still resting his elbows on his knees, and he laced his fingers together while looking straight ahead. I hadn't taken my eyes off his profile.

"The people who wanted tours were mostly couples who were on their honeymoon. One of my pilots, Claire, took a couple who had just gotten married the day prior on the waterfall tour. Claire was young, but she was good. The weather was perfect, and everything checked out fine with her helicopter. They were about twenty minutes into their flight when Claire came on the radio saying the manifold pressure had dipped. We communicated back and forth for several minutes; she performed her cross checks on the instruments and reported everything else was fine. I told her to adjust the throttle, that there probably wasn't the right amount of air passing through the butterfly valve. Within another minute, she said the indicator had returned to normal."

Edward clenched his eyes shut and buried his face in his hands.

"I should have told her to land."

I swallowed hard, almost knowing what he was going to say.

Edward moved his hands behind his head as he stared down toward the deck. "About ten minutes later, Claire came back on the radio; her voice sounded panicked, and she said the rotors were sputtering. I tried to calm her and talk her through when out of nowhere they started screaming. Claire was yelling into her radio, and the couple was screaming in the background. There was so much static, and I couldn't hear her right." Edward shook his head and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. "Then everything went quiet."

He picked up his empty bottle and thrust himself up from the chair, furiously throwing the bottle into the lake with a grunt.

I walked over to him and placed my hand on his back as he leaned against the railing. He was trembling. "It wasn't your fault."

"It was, Bella. You couldn't possibly know it wasn't. I should have checked on her _before_ she contacted me, before it was too late. I didn't. Do you want to know what I did instead? Nothing. I sat back in my chair and read the paper."

"It wasn't your fault, Edward."

"Don't tell me it wasn't, Bella. You weren't there. She was a good pilot, like I said, but she was young. She trusted me."

Fisting his sweater in my hand, I said, "I'm sorry."

He turned his head toward me. "I don't want your pity," he said quietly; his voice cracked and his jaw tightened.

"I'm not pitying you, Edward," I said reverently, hoping he believed me, and placed my palm against his cheek.

He closed his eyes and leaned into my hand as I delicately brushed my thumb over his bottom lip. Moving my hand to the back of his neck, I pulled him toward me, kissing him softly on each corner of his mouth. I trailed light kisses up his jaw, and he put his hands on my waist, slowly pulling me closer.

He nuzzled my hair as I kissed him just below his ear, and I whispered, "Let me help you forget." Edward sighed as he said my name in a quiet, indiscernible voice, and I confessed, "I want you to need me."

He dragged his rough cheek against mine until our lips touched, and his tongue gingerly entered my mouth.

Edward pulled back slightly, the sides of our noses barely touching and his hands tangled in my hair. "The way I feel about you scares the hell out of me because I want to be with you all the time - it's like I don't know how to function without you… but I don't know if I can do this."

"I want to be with you too, Edward, so much. You've lived a nightmare, and you're beating yourself up over it. But I also have a feeling there's more to it than what you're telling me..." He opened his mouth as if he was about to say something but closed it. "One day at a time. Maybe we should consider renegotiating our deal."

"Whatever it takes."

***

It was a few minutes past one in the afternoon when I awoke. Edward lay next to me, sleeping peacefully. I thought about everything that had occurred that morning - what he had been through and was still going through. There was definitely more; I sensed it, but I was afraid if I pushed anymore he'd shut down even further. We hadn't talked about new rules - it seemed superfluous at the time. Instead we made love, and Edward was intense throughout. It wasn't the rough, dirty kind of sex we had on his stairs, but just… intense. He nipped at my shoulders as he plunged himself into me. My lips still felt a bit swollen from the two of us kissing so urgently. Edward and I fell asleep not long after – I had lain on top of him while he was still inside me. At some point, we had adjusted ourselves to a spooning position.

Something in the back of my mind was telling me to tread lightly, because I knew how I currently felt about him, and wondered if my slip-up from earlier was a precursor of what was inevitable – I was already falling in love with him. I could deny it all I wanted, but my heart had other plans. I also convinced myself that it could work – that we could work regardless of our circumstances.

There were some things I needed to know first, and I hoped the only person I had met who was involved in Edward's life would be able to shed a little light.

I slithered out of bed as to not to wake Edward and quietly dressed.

I swept my hair into a messy pony tail and wrote a note for Edward on a piece of paper I found in the nightstand. I wrote that I was going to Benjamin's to pick up a late lunch for us, which technically was what I was doing. If Garrett happened to be there, and I really hoped he would be, I'd planned to do my best to coax as much information out of him as possible.

* * *

**A/N: Askthemagic8ball, sncmom, and my ficwife mac214 are amazing betas and friends – thanks for reading this chapter specifically probably more times than you wanted. Mac214 is currently writing a story called Relative Wind and her DILFward makes my girly parts swoon. You really should check it out.**

**One Weekend (the o/s that started Hints) was rec'd on the Perv Packs Smut Shack earlier this week! WoooHoooo!!! I love those ladies. Check it out if you'd like at www(dot)pervpackssmutshack(dot)com. Can't tell you how excited I was when I found out – really… bouncing in my seat, cursing obscenities excited.**

**And even more exciting news – Hints was nominated for an Indie in the AH story that knocks you off your feet!!! So… thank you. **

**Thanks to everyone who consistently reviews (I'm behind in answering them –sorry!!), reads, and adds Hints to your alert/favorite subscriptions. The Twilight fandom is the absolute best.**

**The next chapter will be in another week or so – gotta do the taxes this weekend and play with Ultio.**


	10. I bit my tongue

A/N: I don't own Twilight, but I do own this story. Please don't steal.

Also, if you're under 18 – don't read, this Edward is for legal audiences only.

This chapter ended up being way longer than I originally planned. Sncmom mentioned something about being cruel to stop where I wanted, so you can thank her for the additional 1K words, not to mention askthemagic8ball giving me a hard time too. You'll see what I mean.

Thank you to the best betas and pre-readers around: sncmom, askthemagic8ball, and of course the fic-wife, mac. If you haven't already, check out mac's fic, Relative Wind. Gotta love DILFward.

* * *

As I walked toward the bedroom door I heard the sheets rustling, and I turned. Edward had awakened and was holding my note in his hand.

"Don't go." His voice was soft, his expression desirous. Edward gathered the sheet in his fingers, pulling it closer to him as he invited me back into his bed.

His hair was all over the place, and he propped himself up on his elbow; the sheet that blanketed his legs dipped slightly below his hip. Edward lay on his side, his strong chest, his sinewy arms, and the way his face seemed as if it were wittingly sculpted beguiled me. His jade eyes - their depth was hypnotic and everything about him drew me in. I sucked in a deep breath, exhaling shakily because as I looked at him - really looked at him - everything was different. This very moment was different from two hours ago, different from two weeks prior… my control, my wants, and my needs had wavered without my consent. Edward had a way of making the outside world disappear - all practicality just… gone. Each time we got together, it was harder and harder to think of outside responsibilities being anything other than blockades.

The notion of talking to someone else, Garrett specifically, about him suddenly seemed devious, and I felt nauseous.

Edward closed his eyes as he pressed my hand to his mouth and kissed my palm to my wrist while I traced my fingertips lightly around his hairline and down his temple.

"We have to talk," I said. I hurried my words before Edward could respond, because if he did, I'd lose my nerve. "I need to be honest with you because if I'm not, I'm afraid of what might happen weeks or even months from now. I'm scared. I'm scared of how badly I want it to be okay for you to only need me to help forget the horrible things that happened. I'm scared that while I'm helping you forget, I'm going to fall very hard for you. I don't want to do that alone… you said the feelings you have for me scared you too, is it the same?"

I closed my eyes and waited.

The bed shifted as he moved, and I sensed him close to me - the air was warmer.

"Bella," he whispered, "do you always close your eyes when you expect the worst?"

With small, subtle movements I responded by shaking my head. I wasn't saying no; shaking my head with my eyes shut _was_ a habitual reaction whenever the worst was a possibility and most times a probability, and somehow he knew this. I had closed my eyes when Charlie told me my cat, Frisco, wasn't coming home. I had closed my eyes right before my parents told me they were getting divorced, when I asked Edward if he was married, and when the doctor told us Renee had cancer.

"Open your eyes, baby. Look at me."

I did as he asked, and Edward was so close, just inches from me. He gazed at me, and his eyes seemed to travel around my face as he knelt in front of me with the duvet wrapped loosely around his waist. "It is the same, Bella, and _that's_ what scares me. I find myself wanting to be everything to you. When you said you loved me…"

I dipped my head, closing my eyes yet again, not wanting to hear this. Edward put his thumb and index finger under my chin, raising it. "Hey, you don't need to do that. I need to see your eyes. It's the only way I know you believe me."

Edward smiled as I looked at him.

"Your eyes, Bella… they tell me everything," he confessed and glided the tips of his fingers across the base of my neck, sending chills through me. Edward moved his hands to just below my ears, while he stroked his thumbs along my cheeks.

"When you said that, I wanted so badly to say it back to you – whether you meant it or not, I wanted to. And because I'm selfish, I want to wrap you in my arms right now and never let you go. I didn't mean to hurt you and I'm sorry."

I didn't think he had been deliberate, but we still weren't getting anywhere.

"But you can't… because of your ghosts," I stated bluntly – acceptingly - and glanced toward the armoire, wondering how he could ever think of himself as being selfish, and laced our hands together. "I don't think you're selfish, Edward, and I wouldn't mind you not letting me go. That's the problem."

Edward inhaled and smiled, one corner of his mouth higher than the other. "I don't have to if you don't want me to. I have a lot of money, you know. You could quit your job and stay right here. It could solve a lot of problems."

"And become a kept woman? What would Gloria Steinem say?" I playfully cocked an eyebrow at him as he suggestively raised his. "Flashing your wealth is quite unbecoming, Mr. Cullen, besides… I don't want your money - I do fairly well for myself."

The air around us seemed lighter, and it felt good, if only for a moment.

"You're avoiding the issue," I said.

Edward sucked in a deep breath and untangled himself from the sheet as he scooted off the bed. He picked up his boxers from the floor, and I watched the muscles of his thighs flex as he slid into them.

"Not all ghosts stay in the past," he said, walking toward the bathroom.

_What the hell did that mean? _

Perfect. I audibly huffed out of frustration at his ambiguity and began to move off the bed.

Edward must have heard me, because he turned quickly. Before I realized what he was doing, he was on his hands and knees on top of the bed. His fists and knees dug into the mattress as he leaned in and gave me a single, soft kiss.

"We'll talk, okay? But first I'd like to hop in the shower. I need a few minutes."

I looked into his eyes and paused for a moment. "Okay," I agreed.

His expression was sober, almost passive, as he sat back on his heels. "I dreamt you left me… I didn't like it."

"I left you? Why?" I asked incredulously; not once had I thought about leaving him.

"You gave me an ultimatum about our new terms."

"We don't have _new terms_ - we haven't renegotiated yet."

"We did in my dream, and then I woke up as you were walking out the bedroom door."

"It was just a dream, Edward." I ran the tips of my fingers up his forearm.

"I didn't like it."

******

While Edward showered, I checked my email on my Blackberry, which thankfully was relatively quiet, and then called my mom to see how she was doing. Phil answered and said she was sitting outside, enjoying the sun on her face. I didn't want to interrupt, satisfied that she seemed to be doing well and told him that I would stop by to see them tomorrow night after I got home.

I rested my hand on the opened glass door of the refrigerator and stood back, scanning its contents in search of something for us to eat. I smiled, feeling Edward approach me from behind. He snaked his arm around my waist, and I turned to face him, letting the door shut on its own.

He was wearing a black, button-down, cotton shirt, the top two buttons unfastened, exposing a small part of his chest, and I pressed my lips against his warm skin.

"You smell nice," I said as I inhaled his sage and clean laundry scent. "I can still smell you on my clothes when I go home. It's as though I get to take a small piece of you with me. I like that."

Edward kissed the top of my head before pulling back. He smirked. "My offer still stands, Swan. Quit your job, and you can have all of me all of the time."

"All of you? All Cullen all the time?" I quipped, sliding my hand into the back pocket of his jeans, although only one question was truly intended to be playful.

"24-7."

I had missed our banter.

"That would be a lot of sex, though. A girl could get bored."

His eyes smoldered as he backed me into the refrigerator. Edward placed his forearm over my head, against the door, and hooked his fingers into the waist of my jeans.

Edward flicked the bottom of my ear. "Mmmm… I don't think so. I know tricks, remember?" he whispered, his voice deep.

I thought back to his little maneuver of circling and thrusting his hips from the weekend we spent at the hotel and quietly laughed.

"Forgive me for doubting you." I nipped at his jaw as his fingers reached deeper into my panties - my legs weakened, and I grasped his shirt for support. "I distinctly remember you mentioning a feather coming into play not too long ago." I reached for his lips and languorously licked his bottom lip before sucking it into my mouth. "I want you to show me what you can do with it, but if you don't feed me soon I won't have the strength to keep up."

Hunger was only a small deterrent from wanting him to fuck me against the refrigerator, but he said we would talk. I needed him to keep his promise – we didn't have that much time together before I had to leave, and I didn't know what to expect.

Edward pushed his erection against me, then groaned as he reluctantly pulled back.

He pressed his forehead against mine. "The things you do to me, Swan," he said, removing his hand from my pants, and stepped beside me to peer through the glass refrigerator door.

"Soup and salad?" he asked.

"Yes, sounds great."

Edward pulled an unidentifiable, white container from the refrigerator and the ingredients for a dark leafy salad.

We sat at the black, granite island together as we ate our late lunch: tomato bisque and spring salad with a light balsamic vinaigrette dressing. I'd never really given any thought before as to what Edward did during the day since he didn't work, so I asked. I felt comfortable enough asking that much at least.

He told me he bought the lake house just months after the accident and spent some of his time at Benjamin's working behind the bar after he and Garrett became friends. He didn't mention what he did before they befriended each other, though. Edward said he traveled a bit too, spending time in Ireland and England. He admitted to being frivolous with his money after the accident, buying expensive 'toys' and being reckless.

I didn't ask him to fill in the gaps – it wasn't important.

"I did whatever I could to not think about it," he said, "but nothing worked. And then I met you."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"You went back to Hawaii recently. Why do you go back to the place you're trying to get away from?"

Edward hesitated and rose from the stool. "Let's go for a walk. I need some fresh air."

I complied as he got our jackets from the hall closet. We walked out onto his deck and down the stairs to a path. I looked at the house across the lake that seemed to be unoccupied, the one where I stayed when I first saw Edward. He followed my gaze and looked back at me with a smile.

Dried leaves sparsely covered the sandy path that seemed to wind around the lake and crunched under our steps as we walked, our pinkies locked together. We were silent for a few minutes before he finally spoke.

"I need you to do me a favor, Bella, and don't take it the wrong way."

I nodded. "Anything," I acquiesced and glanced at his profile.

"Please don't give me your opinion." His eyes narrowed as he looked toward the ground.

"Okay."

We continued to walk down the path as he began to speak. "Not everyone would agree, but I'm obligated to go to Maui a few times a year."

He looked at me from his periphery, possibly to gauge my expression. My thoughts immediately went to legal matters, but that wouldn't make sense if not everyone – whomever 'everyone' was - didn't agree. So, that led me to believe it was his choice, and I waited patiently for him to continue.

"Claire had a son."

_Oh my God._

_Fuck._

Edward has a child.

I forced myself not to clench my eyes shut - my habitual shield - and stared straight ahead.

"No, I'm not his father, but Seth's dad didn't want to have anything to do with Claire after he found out she was pregnant. Claire was like a sister to me, and I became really attached to him." Edward's voice was steady and calm.

As quietly as I could, I released the air that had been trapped in my lungs.

"How old is he?" I asked.

"Seven. The last time I went to Hawaii, it was his birthday."

I laced my hand with his and squeezed. "So, if his father isn't around, who does he live with?"

"His grandmother." There was a slight annoyance in his voice. "Through the Hawaiian Kinship laws, she's his legal guardian, and that's the way it should be, but she makes it very difficult for me to see him."

"Why?"

"She blames me."

That pissed me off. How anyone could blame him? I wanted to say something but didn't thinking that was probably what he meant by not giving my opinion.

"He was about a year old when Claire started working for me. She'd just gotten her license. Normally I wouldn't have considered hiring anyone without at least a few years experience, but when she came into the hangar, Seth was on her hip, and she was very determined… and quite convincing she'd make a great pilot. She said she was born and raised on the island and knew it like the back of her hand." Edward smiled at the memory. "I couldn't say no." He shrugged.

"She didn't have much in the way of day care – her mother watched Seth some of the time, but mostly she brought him in with her. Everybody was head over heels for the kid. Sam, one of the other pilots, and I turned a small storage area into a play room for him. We were all very close, like family."

"Oh, Edward," I whispered, tears welling in my eyes. My heart broke for him.

He stopped walking and looked at me pointedly. "You promised."

I nodded apologetically and wiped the moisture from my cheeks.

It all made perfect sense now. It wasn't entirely the crash Edward blamed himself for – he held himself accountable for taking away Seth's mother.

*****

Edward and I spent the next few hours talking back at his house. It took everything I had not to voice my thoughts though. He explained how Seth would never want for anything financially, even though the grandmother refused his help. He said he planned to go back around Christmas, the grandmother be damned.

We also dismissed the need to renegotiate our deal, with the exception of one rule: that I keep my opinions to myself. He never made this part of our deal - he didn't have to - but I knew he couldn't handle being revered as a hero or anything of the like for staying in Seth's life.

Things had become comfortable again between Edward and me. Our sarcastic repartee returned as we teased each other over dinner about likes and dislikes of certain types of foods. He showed me his collection of books, some of which I had read, and some I hadn't. The ones I hadn't were mostly historical biographies of political figures, artists, and of course a couple of famous pilots. His diverse collection also included the works of Stephen King and John Camp.

Wanting to freshen up, I excused myself to shower and headed upstairs.

I shaved my legs twice and lathered myself in the vanilla body wash I'd purchased under the pretense of exciting the senses of any male within a five mile radius. Not that Edward needed much encouragement, but a little help never hurt anyone.

As I walked out of the bathroom wrapped in an oversized, blue towel with my hair still damp, droplets of water slithered down my back. The bedroom was only lit by a dozen or so white votives scattered around the room.

I looked at Edward and pressed my lips together to stifle a laugh.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

Edward lay on his side on the bed, naked and erect, his head propped up by one hand, fanning himself with a peacock feather with the other.

"You mentioned a feather?" He rolled it between his fingers, grinning devilishly. "Drop your towel."

I opened it, holding the towel behind me by the corners between my thumbs and index fingers. I playfully bit my bottom lip and let it fall to the floor.

I lithely crawled onto the bed as Edward sat up, resting his back against the headboard. Staying on all fours, I arched my back so my ass rose a little higher, emphasizing the movements of my hips as I crawled over him, my knees on either side of his legs.

"You're so hard already," I purred, dipping my head to his nipple.

Circling it with my tongue, he moaned and tied my hair around his hand - he pulled as I bit.

"I watched you in the shower." Edward put his hands on my sides and flipped me onto my back, and I gasped at his force.

"Why didn't you come in?"

Edward raised my knees while spreading them apart and knelt between them. I moved my arms above my head, lazily resting them on the pillow, and he kissed the inside of my knee. "God, you smell good."

He dragged the tip of the feather down between my breasts. "I liked watching you touch your body as you washed." He moved the feather to my belly and circled my navel, and I shivered from the soft contact. "When you bent over to shave your legs, I had to stroke myself as the soap ran down your ass."

"I would have liked to seen that."

"There's always tomorrow."

Edward traced the feather over the small patch of my pubic hair and down the center of my folds. "I have other plans tonight," he said, and spreading my lips, tickling my clit with the tip of the feather. He leaned down and blew softly against my sex.

I raised my hips slightly, needing his contact, but he shook his head and gently pushed me back down. He took turns torturing me with the tip of the feather and his breath, each time exciting me more and more. The sensation was erotically unbearable, but it felt so amazing - the teasing, the blowing – I moved my hand to my breast, kneading and pinching my nipple.

"Does it feel good?" he asked, his voice deep as he slid his fingers inside me.

"Mmmm, yes."

Edward curled his fingers, stroking the feather against my clit, and I rocked my hips with the movement of his fingers, clenching my muscles around him.

"Taste me, Edward," I panted.

"No more feather?" He pushed his fingers deep inside, teasing me further with his new toy.

"No, just you," I begged. The tip of the feather was dampened with my arousal - Edward sucked from it and grinned.

"So sweet," he said, throwing the feather to the floor. He removed his fingers only to replace them with his tongue as he darted it in and out of me, then sucked my clit.

Edward gripped my hips as I knotted my fingers in his hair, pulling him closer. He moaned against me and lapped the wetness emanating from me.

My body tightened as he sucked harder. "I'm going to come, Edward."

"Come for me, baby," he hissed, looking up at me through hooded eyes as they bore into mine as he went back to sucking and licking me. He was so fucking sexy to watch, and it threw me over the edge.

I slammed my arms against the bed, gripping the sheets and writhing under his mouth as I came.

"Fuck… Edward… God!" I yelled, my legs trembling. He sucked and licked softer, another orgasm rumbling through me, and I whimpered as I quaked again.

He used the sheet to wipe his face after I rode out my orgasm and crawled on top of me.

"Get on your back," I quietly commanded between ardent kisses, tasting myself from his mouth.

Edward snickered and complied. "But I have plans for you."

He was incredibly hard as I straddled him. Grasping the base of his thick cock, I lowered myself onto him, allowing the head to press against my opening, but not enter.

"So do I." I glanced at the night stand and back to him. "Do you like to tease, Cullen?" I asked, letting go of his cock and reaching for the votive on the night stand.

"You didn't like it?" he asked innocently.

"Oh, I loved it." Returning to my position, his length in one hand and the votive in the other, I said, "But I want to have a little fun too," and lowered myself a fraction more, stroking him up from the base as I blew out the flame.

Edward moaned and grabbed my hips.

"Wait," I whispered, holding the votive high above him and tilted it as drops of the hot, molten wax landed on his stomach.

He gritted his teeth and sucked in a long breath as I lowered myself further, removing my hand from his cock and placing it on his shoulder. He was half-way inside me.

"Fuck, Bella... Fuck."

"More?"

"Yeah." He lifted his hips, and I shook my head at him, lifting myself off him, and I wasn't sure, but it sounded as though he growled.

"Down." Slowly, I dripped more wax across his pecs, and he flinched. I positioned the head of his dick at my entrance once again. This time I sank down so he was fully inside, but I wasn't quite finished yet, raising my hips once more. He groaned.

"Ready?" I asked.

Edward bit his bottom lip and nodded eagerly, digging his fingers into my thighs. I poured the small amount of remaining wax down the middle of his chest stopping at his navel. The wax hardened in his chest hair almost instantly.

"Jesus!" he yelled, arching his back and forcing my hips down on him.

I braced my hands on his shoulders, grinding my hips hard against him - he went so deep, and it felt fucking amazing. Edward sat up; his hands moved to my back, and he rolled us over so he was on top.

His mouth was urgent as his tongue thrust against mine. Edward pounded into me, and I locked my ankles around his waist, my nails digging into his back.

"Harder," I begged.

Edward pressed his forehead against the crook of my neck, bucking his hips harder and faster.

"I'm going to come, baby," he huffed.

I peaked as he plunged into me again, my body weak and tight at the same time. "Oh god," I breathed.

Edward stilled and lifted his head. "Don't leave me."

I brought my hands to his face and smoothed back his soft, copper hair. "I won't."

* * *

A/N: Careful with the candle wax – it can burn. Mac directed me to a website that has all the deets: http : // www(dot)goaskalice(dot)columbia(dot)edu / 5882(dot)html. She was worried for Edward.

Wondering where Edward got the feather? Next chapter. Everyone also wants to know who Alice is. I can promise that she will be revealed when her time comes – we're just not there yet.

As mentioned in the a/n of the last chapter, Hints was nom'd for an Indie, and I'm ecstatic about that. Just wanted to mention the first round of voting begins on Feb 20, so please take a moment and vote for your favorite fanfics. It means a lot to the authors.

Speaking of the Indies, I'm reading Dangerous Games and Twisted Minds by katinki. Remember when the original Edward gave you butterflies? Katinki's Edward does it again.

Finally – thanks so much to coldplaywhore, antiaol, and of course PPSS for the recs. Hints has so many more friends b/c of you ladies!!! Sorry for the lengthy a/n!!!

Don't forget to review, please…


	11. I understood

A/N: I don't own Twilight.

Thank you mac, sncmom, and askthemagic8ball. They make things so pretty, and aren't afraid to tell me when I'm a little off.

The Golden Lemon Awards came callin' and gave the orange-squeezin-schmexin-lovin in chapter 6 an award for Best Use of OJ. Kassiah & Bsmog created the awards (thank goodness, because some of the best lemons are highlighted!!) and apparently Kassiah has a love for OJward. Lucky me, because she deemed that little ditty award worthy.

And away we go…

* * *

"Ouch!"

Edward sat on the vanity wearing only charcoal-gray boxer briefs while I stood between his legs in a simple white tank and panties, his ankles locked behind my knees.

"Stop moving then," I said.

"It _hurts_," he justified, gripping the edge of the vanity tightly, his knuckles becoming paler than the rest of his hand.

I stopped what I was doing and reached up to kiss him. "Sorry, baby. Just try to sit still when I pull."

"Shit!" Edward grimaced as I tried to remove another piece of wax from his chest hair.

"It can't hurt _that_ badly – I get waxed all the time," I said, smirking. Of course, I wasn't getting one hair at a time pulled out.

"I think you must be part masochist, because this shit hurts."

The candle wax from our sexual play had hardened to the hairs on his chest and belly and wasn't coming off very easily. Admittedly, I hadn't thought that part through, and it _might_ have been a good idea to try to get the wax off sooner rather than later… we got distracted.

We had lain with each other quietly for several minutes after we had sex, and after he asked that I not leave him. Lying with him, I was content and warm and safe - it was easy… he fit me. I thought about how quickly the weekend was going to be over and not knowing exactly when I'd be able to see him again. The not knowing was harder now.

Edward fluidly moved on top of me, and within the next few moments, he was inside me again. Our eyes locked together, and the tips of my fingers traveled lightly over his face: his jaw, the corners of his eyes, his ears, his lips. Edward's forearm was underneath me, his hand cupping my shoulder. His other arm pressed against the mattress as his fingers wove in my hair. Edward's eyes were clear, bright - _they smiled -_ as he rolled his hips against mine with strong, smooth motions, my heels pressing into the backs of his calves. My heart pounded rhythmically inside my chest feeling, and I pulled his head to mine, sucking in his upper lip. The only sounds either of us made were those of small moans against each other's mouths. He pulled back slightly and looked at me – he was so beautiful it became hard to breathe. His breath grew faster, and his eyes seemed to travel down toward my mouth and back up again. I felt a lump rise in my throat as we came, both of us trembling. The intensity was reminiscent of the weekend we went camping.

Edward leaned in, taking my upper lip into his mouth then switching to my lower one as our hips slowed. Our tongues touched gently, almost teasing. I loved his mouth; the shape of his lips and how soft they were. I loved how sweet he tasted; like butterscotch and mint. I loved the way his tongue fit with mine, and how he moved it over my body.

But I hated how he thought of himself - my heart ached for him.

"You're not Phaethon," I whispered, remembering the myth he told me several weeks prior. Edward's eyes fell, as though they frowned just a little. He began to speak, but I interrupted him. "I won't say anything else because you asked me not to, but I don't believe that."

Edward clenched his eyes shut then dipped his head slightly. He sighed as he looked back at me. "Do you know the _entire_ myth?" he asked softly, his voice shaky. I shook my head. "You're my Cygnus."

"I don't-"

"Cygnus dove into the Eridanus river to save Phaethon."

Pausing, I inhaled deeply because now I understood. "You need me to save you."

Reluctantly, he nodded his head.

"Because you're drowning."

"Not when I'm with you."

I could feel his heart race against my breast as he lay on top of me; my breath hitched. "Will you open up to me?"

"Okay," his voice was barely audible.

We had fallen asleep afterwards, only to awaken a couple of hours later. I wasn't sure why or what caused us to rouse, but whatever the reason, we were soon in his bathroom.

I chuckled as I continued to remove the wax trying to cause him as little discomfort as possible.

"Not a masochist, and I'm sure you don't mind the results from when I get waxed," I answered and lightly rubbed my hand over his stomach.

I sighed as I stepped back. "This isn't working." The wax was now crumbly, in tiny pieces, and even worse than it was when we started. I couldn't help but giggle… a lot. Edward looked as though he had dandruff all over his torso, and by now little bits were scattered over his boxers and the vanity.

"I can't believe you're laughing at me. You did this," Edward said, grinning.

"I know - I'm sorry," I chortled, wiping the tears from the corners of my eyes. "What kind of candles were they anyway? They're horrible!"

Edward smirked in agreement and looked down at his chest for a moment. He lifted his head, shaking it at me and laughing.

"I don't know. I got them at Home Depot." He shrugged.

"Home Depot? I had no idea they sold candles. Do they sell peacock feathers too?" I teased.

"_You_ turned them into sex candles, and no, they do not sell peacock feathers."

"You weren't complaining," I said, leaning into him. "Where did you get the feather? I really liked that."

Edward scooted to the edge of the vanity and slid his hands under my tank top.

"I _know_ you liked the feather," he said, tilting his head to kiss me.

"You do, huh? How do you know that?"

He brushed my nose with his. "Let's just say the plume had to be thrown away."

"The _plume_?" I asked between kisses.

"Mm hmm," he breathed.

"Why did it have to-" He pulled back slightly, quirking an eyebrow at me, and I realized why. "Oh," I blushed. "Do you have more?"

"No, that was the only one."

"Then I guess we'll have to go and get another."

Edward straightened his back, chewing at the inside of his cheek. "I don't know if that'll be possible."

"Why not?"

He smiled warily, and I cocked my head waiting for him to respond.

"It wasn't exactly purchased… remember when we first met and spent the night in the house you rented?"

"Yes," I answered skeptically.

"Well, do you remember how the master bedroom was decorated?"

I remembered the gorgeous hard wood floors, and the floor to ceiling windows, and the…

_Holy shit._

There were white vases full of peacock feathers scattered around the bedroom.

"You stole it?" I screeched. "Oh my god, you're a felon," I joked. "When?"

"It's not like I broke into the house, Bella." He bit his bottom lip and smiled. "I took it the morning you left. You were still sleeping, and there were a lot of them… I took it as a reminder - a memento." Edward lowered his head and then looked back toward me, smiling.

I stared at him, my mouth hanging open, when laughter erupted from my chest. "Oh my god. You're a felon _and_ a stalker."

"No," he said, grabbing my waist. "It's a rental property. It's like taking a towel from a hotel."

I placed my hands on his arms as he pulled me into him. "Is that so?"

Edward nipped at my ear. "Yes, that's so."

"Stalker."

"Masochist," he said, and I stepped back to look at his chest.

I shrugged, tsking. "We're just going to have to shave it off."

His jaw slacked suddenly. "Are you serious? Fuck."

"I'm kidding! Baby oil might work. Do you have any? If not, we can just break into one of the neighbor's houses and steal some."

"Ha. Funny. No, but I have olive. That should work, right?" he asked.

"Hopefully - be right back."

After I found a bottle of extra-virgin olive oil in the kitchen, I returned to the bathroom. Edward was still sitting on the vanity, inspecting his chest.

Repositioning myself between his legs, I poured some olive oil into my palm and then rubbed it over his chest and stomach.

He grinned widely.

"What?" I asked, pulling the wax off his chest hairs more easily.

"Nothing."

I rolled my eyes, knowing he was more than likely smiling at the fact I was oiling up his body. Edward worked on one side of his chest as I worked on the other. We worked in silence for a few moments, and I glanced at him every few seconds, smiling.

I was happy. _He_ made me happy. No other worries, no _I love you _giant gorillas in the room, no talk about accidents or other things that weren't his fault. Nothing. So many things had happened in less than twenty-four hours, and here I stood in front of him, removing wax from his chest, feeling more at ease with him than I ever had.

I peeked back at Edward and he was grinning again.

"What?" I laughed. He had such a silly look on his face… it was nice.

"Nothing."

I let go of his chest, letting my hands fall to his thighs. "Something. Why are you smiling like that?"

"I've been thinking." He paused for a moment and then took my hands, lacing them with his. "What if I got a place near you?"

_What?_

"_What_? What do you mean?"

"Well… I could buy or rent a condo or something near you, since you're busy with work and… your mom. I thought - I don't know… I want to be able to see you. This thing with living three hours away from each other kind of sucks."

Sure, it sucked that we were so far away, but Edward wanting to get a place closer to me? I liked the idea of being able to see him a lot more. In fact, I _really_ liked the idea, but this was a big step - huge. It was just this morning that he had a hard enough time telling me about the crash and Seth and that he couldn't give all of himself to me. But then he agreed to opening up to me. Did he mean sell the lake house and move his entire life near me? My brain was having a hard time processing this at two in the morning.

"You mean move permanently?" I asked.

"Not exactly. I'd still have this place but would spend a lot of time near you." He watched me cautiously while I thought about his idea.

Edward's chest and stomach were wax-free, for the most part, and I washed my hands of the olive oil in his sink, then picked up a hand towel from the vanity.

"Is this just so you'll feel better?" I asked.

His brow creased. "Just so I'll feel better?" he repeated.

I took a deep breath, wringing the towel between my hands. "Would you only be doing this just because you need me?" I asked and handed the towel to him.

He shook his head as he wiped his hands and chest before scooting off the vanity and placing his hands on my hips. "No, that's not it at all – please don't think that. You're going back home later today, and you have no idea what it's like not knowing when I'll be able to see you again… especially now."

"I do understand what it's like, but things are going to get a little crazy for me." My hands were balled up against his arms. "And what do you mean '_especially now'_?"

Edward slid his hands to the small of my back, pulling me closer as he leaned against the vanity. "What I mean, Swan, is that random weekends don't work for me anymore. I _want_ more of you."

"Do you always get what you want?"

"Not always." One corner of his mouth lifted a little higher than the other, and I found myself becoming familiar with his different smiles. This one in particular would be thrown into the 'you can't resist me' category – because I couldn't.

"So, you'd have a place near me, but you'd still live here too."

"Yeah. What do you think?"

The idea of having Edward live close by suddenly made me feel a little giddy.

"I think I like it."

"Yeah?" His eyes lit up, and I could feel mine do the same.

"Yes."

Edward leaned in to kiss me, my thumbs brushing along the corners of his mouth. I had no reservations about him moving closer, well, on a semi-permanent level. I was glad he didn't suggest semi-permanently staying with me though. That would have been as if we were jumping way ahead; even though we'd probably spend most nights together, it still wouldn't seem right. Besides, I liked my own space – it hadn't been that long since Jake and I separated and divorced, and I liked living by myself. This was good. This worked for me.

Edward started the shower while I pulled a clean tank top out of _my_ armoire. I smiled at the thought and wondered if I'd have one at his new place. The tank top I was wearing had gotten a little dirty from leaning against his olive oiled chest.

His cell phone buzzed as I was walking toward the bathroom to get in the shower with him, and I hurriedly picked it up from the night stand. It was after two a.m. – who would call at this time?

I yelled for him, but he didn't answer, and as I looked at the caller ID the name Alice showed on the screen.

_Alice_. I remembered this Alice person calling him incessantly when we were at the hotel. I'd actually forgotten all about her.

The phone continued to buzz in my hand, and I walked into the bathroom. Edward was in the shower lathering his body with his head tilted back as the stream of water hit his face.

Opening the glass door, I held the phone up for him to see. "Phone call."

I trusted him but couldn't help but feel a little pang of discomfort at the idea of a woman calling him so late at night. Admittedly, a woman could call him at any time of the day, and I'd still not be very happy about it.

Edward looked at me incredulously and I held the screen so he could read the caller ID. I kept my expression blank, waiting to see his reaction.

"Shit," he said and reached around for a towel as he took the phone from my hand.

I leaned back against the vanity as he answered. He didn't seem as though he was concerned that I didn't give him any privacy, so I stayed as he maneuvered the towel around his waist.

"Alice, what's wrong?... Is he okay?... How?… You're sure… What did they say?... Tell Jane I'd like to call him tomorrow… I know, but please tell her anyway… Okay, thanks for letting me know. Alright, bye."

Edward hit the off button on his phone and looked at me.

"Everything okay?" I asked.

"It is now. Seth had to go to the hospital. He's allergic to nuts and apparently ate something he shouldn't have."

"But he's fine?" Edward nodded, but there was obvious concern all over his face. "You really care about him, don't you?"

"I do, but it's a complicated situation."

"I know… so, Alice?"

"Alice was the social worker who took care of things when Claire died. Technically, she doesn't really need to be involved with him any more, but Seth's grandmother, Jane, is older, and Alice has a big heart, so she helps out. She's acted as a buffer between Jane and me too."

"Has it been that bad? I mean between you and Jane?"

"Yes and no. I have no rights to Seth, and I'm not saying I should, but he practically lived at the hangar, and I kind of think of him as a nephew. When I fly out there to see him, he's happy to see me, and we do guy stuff together - he doesn't have any male influences in his life. I think Jane realizes this, which is probably the only reason she allows me to spend any time with him at all. She's not being vindictive toward me, well, maybe she is - she certainly has the right." Edward set his phone down on the vanity, gripping his towel with his other hand and walked out of the bathroom.

I followed. "Look, I know you blame yourself for this, but you have to stop punishing yourself for something you had no control over."

Edward had slipped on a pair of pajama pants and turned, his face slightly rigid. "I disagree."

_That's debatable_. This wasn't the time to get into it with him though it would probably take quite a while to convince him otherwise – if ever.

"But Alice has been helpful?" I assumed since she called Edward to tell him Seth had been sick, she was probably in the same mindset I was - that it wasn't his fault.

"Yeah, she's been great." The tension in his face diminished somewhat. "Maybe you could meet her one day."

"As in go to Hawaii with you?" Edward nodded, and the realization of him truly opening up hit me unexpectedly. "You're not going to hold back, are you? You're really going to let me in."

He grinned as he walked over to me and took one of my hands in his. "I guess I am."

___________

A/N: So there you have it - they are moving forward, and now you know who Alice is. I wonder if her reveal was anticlimatic for you? Hope not, but it's Alice so you _know_ she'll come into play more!

Before anyone pm's me or leaves something in their review (because everyone's going to review, right???) about the myth, Cygnus is actually a boy in the legend – it's not a love story, but one of friendship. Clearly, Bella is more than just a friend to Edward. He does see her as saving him. A little nugget - after Cygnus repetitively dove into the river to try and save Phaethon, Zeus took pity on him and turned him into a Swan. If you decide to Google the myth, don't fret, Edward won't plummet like Phaethon did.

Just a reminder the Indie Twific Awards open February 20 – don't forget to vote! There are so many great stories nominated, and you can find them at www(dot)theindietwificawards(dot)com.

Hope everyone has a wonderful week and please hit review if you have the time!!!


	12. I gained a confidante

A/N: Happy Reader Appreciation Day!!! I'd like to thank everyone who takes time out of their day to read this little fic of mine. Your reviews and adds mean the world to me. Of course it goes without saying how much I adore my betas: Sncmom, Askthemagic8ball, and Mac214. They make my girly parts squeal with delight.

I do not own Twilight, but I do own this plot.

* * *

It was early Monday afternoon; Jasper, Maggie, and I had just finished going over the client list for the west coast. Tanya had asked, well, _told_ me this morning I would be traveling to Los Angeles and San Francisco the following week for a few days. She said it was time I met a few major clients face to face. We hadn't gotten into the specific details of the trip, but I was fairly certain it wouldn't be much different than what our east coast clientele required: dinners, product needs, etc. Even though I hadn't officially met them under my new title, I was already familiar with their requirements having done most of Mike's job when he was my supervisor. I laughed to myself, wondering how Alaska was treating him.

Just as Maggie and Jasper were walking out of my office, my cell phone rang. Edward had planned on driving up this morning to start looking for a condo, and I surreptitiously checked my watch every thirty minutes waiting for him to call.

I couldn't think about anything other than our weekend during my drive home yesterday afternoon. Edward was moving closer to me – semi-permanently, permanently; it didn't matter. Reston, Virginia was about to gain one extremely gorgeous resident… and he was mine. Unfortunately a tiny, annoying voice popped into my head, attempting to spoil my bliss. Each time I thought about how convenient it would be to have dinner with him or even go to the movies… _have lots of sex with him_… that irritating voice would insist we were moving too fast. So, I did what any woman would do when presented with an opportunity like this - I ignored that voice.

I left the spare key to my house for him under one of the potted plants on my porch. We decided he would stay with me for a day or two while he shopped for a new place. After I got home from visiting with Renee Sunday evening, Edward and I talked on the phone as we searched online for condos in the area. A small part of me just wanted to scratch the whole idea of him getting his own place and suggest he stay with me, but that definitely would have been moving too fast.

I picked my cell up from my desk.

"Hey," I said, smiling.

"Hey there." God, he sounded good. His voice reminded me of melted chocolate – maybe that was a strange comparison, but it was always smooth and warm and sweet, and who didn't like chocolate?

I sat in my chair and leaned back into the cushy leather as I crossed my legs. "Are you _finally_ in town?" I asked, rolling my necklace between my thumb and forefinger.

"Finally? You're so impatient," he chuckled. "I'm probably closer than you think. Have you had lunch yet?"

"Not yet - can I meet you somewhere in about thirty minutes? I have a few things to finish up."

"Mmm, I think thirty minutes might be too long," he tsked.

"Look who's being impatient now," I teased. My office phone buzzed then. "Could you hang on for just a second? My assistant is calling."

"Of course."

After setting my cell on my desk, I answered my office phone – Jasper's southern-twanged voice on the other end.

"Bella, there's someone here to see you."

I smiled, hoping it was Edward. "Would that someone happen to be Edward Cullen?"

After a quick moment, Jasper confirmed my hopes.

Edward walked through the door balancing a plain brown paper bag and a cardboard beverage holder containing two drinks in one hand and shut the door behind him with the other. I shook my head slightly, drawing in a breath. It was as if he got better looking every time I saw him. Edward wore dark wash jeans, and his light gray button down shirt clung loosely to his chest. He walked over to the small, round table that sat near the picture window and took off his charcoal gray dress jacket after setting our lunch on the table.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing. You look great, but you always do."

We walked toward each other, and Edward placed his hands on my hips as I rested my palms on his chest.

"You don't look so bad yourself," he said, leaning in to kiss me.

I purposely wore my white silk blouse and fitted navy blue skirt – affectionately named 'ass skirt' - because well, it made my ass look really good.

Edward lightly brushed his nose against my cheek as he moved his hands to the small of my back, pulling me closer. His lips grazed my ear as he whispered, "I think you should to take the rest of the day off. I want to take you home."

I closed my eyes, inhaling his signature scent of sage and clean laundry and slid my hands up to the back of his neck. "Don't tempt me."

Edward smiled against my cheek. His stubble was rough against my skin as he brought his mouth back to mine. "Come on," he breathed between kisses and dragged his hand up my outer thigh, bunching up my skirt with it as his hand slid higher.

"The door is unlocked," I said against his lips, placing my hand over his and slowly, reluctantly, slid it, along with my skirt, back down. His kiss deepened as he pushed his tongue further into my mouth. My breath quickened as he moved my hand to the back of his neck, grabbing my ass with the other, and pressed me against his erection. "We can't do this here."

"I know." Edward lifted my skirt again with one hand, moving the collar of my blouse with his other, and kissed the crook of my neck with an open mouth. "That's why I need to take you home."

_Take me home_. I really liked how that sounded and slid my hands under his shirt, feeling his warm skin against my palms.

"I can't," I sighed.

Edward groaned, lowering my skirt, and pressed his forehead against mine. "Tonight… you're all mine."

My stomach fluttered as I smiled. "Yes."

Just as Edward leaned in to kiss me, the doorknob turned with a click. Both Edward and I jumped, stepping away from each other.

"Bella, I need to-" Tanya burst into my office and stopped suddenly as she eyed the two of us.

_Fuck_. I smoothed my skirt and folded my hands in front of me as my heart pounded inside my chest, arranging my face into a casual expression – and probably failing miserably.

"I apologize for interrupting," she said, cocking an eyebrow toward me.

"You weren't interrupting anything," I said, my voice noticeably higher than usual, before clearing my throat. "What, um... what can I do for you?"

"I need to talk to you about next week," she said, her eyes kept darting between Edward and me as he stood silently. I was about to say something, but Tanya was just staring at him. It was rude and awkward. There was no question he was beyond good looking, but my boss was openly gaping at my boyfriend and it was uncomfortable. Was Edward my boyfriend? Is that how I should introduce him? Boyfriend and girlfriend just seemed so… young.

Edward shifted from foot to foot, slipping his hands in his pockets and glancing toward me from his periphery. I shrugged and decided to introduce him – not as my boyfriend, or significant other or whatever, but just as Edward. Before I could, Tanya cocked her head slightly, her eyes squinting as her lips parted. "Edward?" she asked tentatively.

_Wait. What?_ I crossed my arms in front of me, my eyes widening, as I turned toward him and waited. How the hell did Tanya know my boyfriend? Until I found a better word, he was my boyfriend.

"Um, yes," he said, his brow furrowed as he nodded.

Tanya laughed and rolled her eyes. "Of course you wouldn't remember me – you've probably given hundreds of people helicopter rides." She put her hand against her chest, the diamonds in her ring and watch glinting from the overhead lights. "Tanya Newton."

Edward suddenly relaxed. "Oh my god, Tanya?" He laughed, taking his hands out of his pockets and walked toward her. "How've you been?" he asked as the two of them hugged.

"I've been very well. It's so good to see you!" she said and whispered something into his ear before they released each other.

Edward rolled his eyes and said, "I know," before they both looked toward me.

_Okay – really?_

"Bella, you didn't tell me you knew Edward!"

I shrugged and smiled politely as I looked at him, wondering what their little exchange was all about and if he had given her any _private_ tours. I'd be insane to think he'd been celibate while he lived in Hawaii, but Tanya? Ew - I liked her, but... ew. And she was married! Maybe she was unfaithful, just like her husband, or maybe I was getting ahead of myself by thinking the worst about her – it's not like I had been wrong about her before.

"Looks like the two of you are about to have lunch," Tanya noted, glancing toward the table. "Bella, why don't you come up to my office around two - we'll discuss next week then." She rubbed the side of Edward's arm and kissed his cheek. "You look good, Edward."

Tanya's smile faded as she pointedly looked at me before leaving my office, shutting the door behind her.

"I think I'm in trouble," I said sarcastically – maybe I wasn't wrong. "So… what was that all about?" I asked in a calm voice and sat at the table as Edward unpacked sandwiches from Panera Bread.

"Tanya Newton's your boss… small world," he stated, shaking his head.

"Apparently. How small?"

"My father was her doctor and suggested she take one of our tours while she recovered in Maui after getting some _work_ done." He motioned toward his chest with his fingers.

Tanya and I had a conversation a couple of weeks prior about her diagnosis of breast cancer and how she rectified the situation. Edward's father, the plastic surgeon, must have been very good, because I couldn't think of another reason as to why Tanya would fly across the country for a major boob job. It was a small world indeed.

I focused on the straw in my drink as I moved it up and down in the lid, each squeak of plastic rubbing against plastic becoming a little more shrill. Why did he always have to be so vague? When Edward was vague, he was avoiding something.

Edward put his hand over mine, and I looked at him from under my lashes.

"That simple?" I asked. "It just seems the two of you know each other a little better than that – she whispered something in your ear, Edward. What did she say?"

"I don't really know her that well – at all actually. You don't think something happened between Tanya and me?" he laughed. "Are you jealous?"

"Pfft… no!" I huffed. I wasn't jealous of Tanya per se - I just really did _not_ want the image of the two of them _together_ running rampant through my head.

"You're kind of cute when you're jealous," he teased, lacing our fingers together. "She's a friend of my parents. She said I need to give them a call - that's what she whispered. I haven't seen her since she was in Maui - however many years ago that was." Edward paused, smiling to himself. "But now that I think about it, Sam had quite a crush on her. Anyway, Esme mentioned her a few times."

"Sam – one of the pilots?" I asked.

He nodded, chuckling. "Yeah… god, it's been so long. I'm pretty sure he called her hotel daily to ask her out."

"Did she? Go out with him?"

"No, I think she was married."

"She was… is… I don't know, separated maybe – I mean she was married at the time, but I think she might be separated now. Her husband used to be my boss, and then she sent him to one of our satellite offices in Alaska, and I _might_ have had something to do with that." Edward quirked his brow. "Funny story – Mike, her husband, made a pass at me, and when I refused he basically said I was going to be fired-"

"He made a pass at you?" Edward interrupted. "I don't think this is a funny story." He leaned back in his chair, and his ears turned red. It was kind of cute.

"It gets better. So, before I became unemployed I rented a certain lake house one weekend… paidforbythecompany." I grimaced – saying it out loud made it sound really bad.

Edward stared at me for a few seconds before laughing uproariously. "So the house where I allegedly committed a felony by stealing a feather, you rented with embezzled money?"

"It's not like that! You make it sound so illegal!" I laughed, crumbled my napkin, and threw it at him.

"We make quite a pair, Swan."

I explained how Tanya gave me Mike's job, although I was still confused about his supposed lack of knowledge about Tanya.

"But didn't you know she lived in the same state as you or the fact that she _is_ Denali Corporation? I'm sorry, I know I must sound rude – I'm just curious." I really was. I was so used to Renee providing every detail about everyone she knew so Edward not knowing this little factoid seemed odd to me.

"You're not being rude. The few times Esme mentioned her, it was about a trip they had taken together or something like that. She never said anything about Tanya _being_ Denali Corporation, and honestly, I'd never even heard of the company before you told me where you worked. I don't know why Esme didn't say anything about both of us living in Virginia, but then again, I don't have lengthy conversations with my parents. Why did you say you think you might be in trouble with her?"

"Oh, she gave me a funny look as she was leaving – probably because she realized what was going on two seconds before she walked in on us… thank you very much."

"My pleasure," he said, grinning. "She's not here now, and we can lock the door this time if you'd like." Edward wriggled his eyebrows.

"Tonight, remember?" I unwrapped my sandwich, which just happened to be my favorite – Frontega Chicken – and took a bite.

"Is it okay?"

"It's perfect, thank you."

About twenty minutes later, Edward left for his appointment to see a condo in the area, and I took the elevator to the eighth floor to Tanya's office.

It was a few minutes before two as I knocked on her door. She yelled for me to come in from the other side, and when I walked into her office Tanya looked up at me from behind her desk, her expression rigid.

"Have a seat, Bella." She sat straight in her chair, folding her hands on her lap. "How's your mom doing?"

"She's as well as can be expected. Weak… tired from the chemo."

"Is she keeping her spirit up? That's one of the most important things, you know."

I laughed quietly, thinking of how Renee had several wigs splayed across her coffee table when I saw her the night before. Her dirty blonde hair had started to fall out in small chunks, and she asked me if I thought she'd look better as a redhead or a brunette.

"She hasn't seemed to have lost that yet," I said.

"Good." Tanya shifted in her chair, placing her elbow on the armrest and rubbing her chin. "Can I ask how long you and Edward have been seeing each other? I know it's really none of my business, but Edward is the son of a close friend of mine. Did he tell you that?"

I nodded. "We haven't been seeing each other that long – a couple of months or so. Why?"

"Just be careful. Edward has a lot of things on his plate."

_Yes, I know._

"I know all about that, Tanya. Edward told me everything. Thank you for the warning, though."

She raised her eyebrows skeptically. "Really? Everything?" she asked.

"Yes, the accident… Claire and Seth… all of it. Look, I don't feel very comfortable talking about him like this. You wanted to discuss my trip?"

She was right - this really wasn't any of her business, no matter how close she was with Edward's parents. She completely disregarded my attempt to change the conversation from Edward to work, though and it was starting to piss me off.

"So, is he here for a visit?" she asked.

"He's moving here… sort of. He's looking for a condo now."

"Sounds like you two are pretty serious," she said. "You know he blames himself entirely, don't you?"

"I know, and I don't agree with him about that, but I understand. Like I said, I appreciate your concern, but-"

"Did he tell you about Emily?"

_Emily? Who the hell is Emily?_

"No," I answered, closing my eyes. I wasn't sure I even wanted to know. It felt as though my heart was sinking into my stomach. How many other things did I not know about him?

"She and Edward were seeing each other at the time. She left him not too long after the accident. Esme seems to think it was because Emily couldn't handle Edward's depression."

I rose from the chair abruptly. I was angry - no, I was furious. "Tanya, I need to take care of something. I'm going to work from home for the rest of the day."

Without giving her a chance to say anything more, I stomped out of her office toward the elevator and smacked the down button. Once I got to my office, I grabbed my purse and coat, and told Jasper I could be reached on my cell.

Flipping my cell phone open, I dialed Edward's number - he answered on the second ring.

"We need to talk… now."

* * *

A/N: Bella's pissed. Would you be? I promise it won't take as long to post the next chapter. It's been… busy.

A little reminder that Tuesday, March 2 is the last day for voting for the Indie Twific Awards. Hints is up for the AH Story That Knocks You off Your Feet. So, if you haven't voted yet, go vote!!! www(dot)theindietwificawards(dot)com.

I added another story to my profile which will be nothing but outtakes from Hints. The first is from MsKathy's Haiti compilation – chapter 7, Edward and Jake's conversation in Edward's POV. I will add more here and there, but I wanted to know what you'd like to see!! So, *cough*in your review*cough* let me know.


	13. I had an epiphany with help

**A/N: I do not own Twilight or the characters. I do own this plot though, so please don't steal AND please don't read if you're under 18!!!! Not cool.**

**My betas are beyond amazing. I love them very, very hard – sncmom, askthemagic8ball, and mac214. Big notes at the bottom!!!**

* * *

_Who the hell did she think she was?_

My hands cramped from gripping the steering wheel too tightly as my car idled in the parking lot of Denali Corp. I sat for several minutes staring straight ahead at one of the cement pillars in the parking garage, thinking about what Tanya had said in her office. Even after putting distance between us, I still didn't feel better about it. In fact, my mind reeled at all of the problems her tidbit of information would likely cause at work. I was happier when I could compartmentalize my life. It was easier that way.

Admittedly, the way I left work was completely inappropriate, but I really didn't care at the time. I still didn't regret leaving either. Tanya could fire me if she wanted to; I hoped that wouldn't happen. I didn't think she would, but she _had_ surprised me a lot lately, so anything was possible.

Jasper gaped at me, slack-jawed, clearly _very_ uncomfortable as I stormed out of my office toward the elevator. I felt badly about my behavior - he'd only been working for me a month or so and was probably regretting his decision to take a less high-profile job. Just before I had stepped into the elevator, he had stopped me to say that Tanya was on the phone. I had him tell her I already left. It had been unprofessional, yes… but so was she.

_She had no right!_ I shook my head. Even if she _was_ a friend of his parents, she was still my boss.

Was this how it was going to be at work from now on: Tanya offering unsolicited advice about Edward? I didn't want her advice _or_ opinion. She shouldn't have said anything, but why did she? Why did she feel the need? Was there more? Did it have something to do with his parents? Edward didn't even recognize her at first, so her 'concerns' must have had come from his parents because he certainly didn't seem to have a personal connection to Tanya.

I finally put my car in drive and exited the garage. I needed to talk to Edward to find out if I should expect any other bombshells. Hell, maybe the barista at Starbucks had also ridden in one of his helicopters, knew of a gambling problem he had, and just so happened to be a friend of his cousin. I rolled my eyes, berating myself for how ridiculous I was being, but the odds that my boss knew personal things about Edward made the barista theory actually seem plausible for half of a second. Did he even have a cousin?

The inside of the car was stuffy and warm from the sun beating through the windshield - I felt as though I was suffocating. I lowered the window to let in some fresh air, and it seemed to help... a little.

The one thing in my life I counted on, the _only_ thing that remained a constant, was now probably not: my job.

_Damn her!_

What if it didn't work out between Edward and me? The thought of that was nauseating. But _what if_ it didn't work out? Would Tanya blame me and send me to Alaska?

And damn Edward for not telling me! Should he have? I assumed Emily was significant to him somehow, otherwise why did Tanya deem it necessary to bring up why she left him? Was this another thing he was holding back – did it matter? I was sure he would have told me about Emily eventually – if she was worth discussing. Just how depressed was he that she wouldn't stay with him any longer? Of course he was deeply depressed – he was _still_ beating himself up over it. Perhaps - and I hoped this was true - Emily was simply an insensitive cow.

A lump settled heavily in the bottom of my stomach as I sat at the intersection, waiting for the light to turn green, nervously tapping my fingers on the leather wheel, thinking about our weekend together. He dreamt I left him because I didn't like how we renegotiated our deal. That was a moot point now – there was no deal with the exception of me _not_ telling him how the accident wasn't his fault. I wasn't sure exactly how long I'd be able to honor _that_ request. Edward said he couldn't love me after my word vomit professing my love to him – even if I wasn't sure about that. He confessed I was saving him. He was moving near me… looking for a place within two days of all of this happening.

So much, so fast - my head was spinning.

_How long is this light going to stay red? Come on already!_

Other conversations between Edward and me came to the forefront of my mind too. Edward had told me how close he was to his grandfather before he died. Another time, he said he had been adopted.

And then it hit me, a small part of my heart breaking from my realization. Emily had left him when he undoubtedly needed her most. I was convinced he really was only latching onto me out of fear… wasn't he?

That's why Tanya told me about Emily. It had to be. And now I was also convinced she was probably going to warn me – or threaten me – not to hurt him.

"Fuck!" I didn't realize how loudly I spoke until I heard a quiet gasp from the car next to me - my car's open window forgotten. I glanced over at the minivan, the woman driving looking at me with a horrified expression. Her eyes darted toward the back of her vehicle to what I assumed to be her child. I mouthed an apology as the light turned green and pressed down on the accelerator. I knew I should be rational about our relationship by taking things slowly, but that's not what my heart wanted. I wanted him… badly, illogically. Hot tears pricked the corners of my eyes.

I was ten minutes away from home and had no idea what I was going to say to Edward when my cell phone rang.

It was Rose. I took a deep breath and cleared my throat before answering.

"Hey!" she said cheerfully. "I called you at work, but they said you left early. Everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine, Rose," I lied, feigning a cough in an attempt to mask my shaky voice. "What's up?"

"Hm." She wasn't fooled. "I was just calling to see how your weekend went with Edward and to remind you about this weekend. James can't wait to show you his costume."

_Crap_. I'd forgotten all about it. Halloween was the following week, and I promised James I would come over to carve pumpkins with him.

"I can't wait to see it. What time?" I answered - my voice a little higher than usual.

"What's going on, Bella?"

"Nothing, Rose. I-"

"Knock it off and tell me why you're crying. I can hear it in your voice, and you know I won't stop until you tell me. Did something happen at work, or did Edward do something to upset you? Do you want me to have Emmett kick his ass?"

"No." I laughed lightly and wiped my dampened cheek, hearing Lily coo in the background. "It's nothing like that."

Rose was persistent. She always had been from the first time I met her, when she and Emmett started dating in high school. We had been best friends ever since, and I knew she wouldn't stop badgering me until I told her.

I hit the speaker button on my phone and proceeded to tell her everything that had happened between Edward and me and what Tanya had said. Rose stayed quiet while I gushed, asking rhetorically why this and why that.

She didn't say anything immediately after I finished, which was unlike her, and I asked if she was still there.

"I'm here," she said. "Should we start with Edward, Tanya, or you?"

"Me? What are you talking about?"

"Yes, _you_. But we'll save you for last. You're going to have to set some ground rules with Tanya and tell her flat out to stay out of your personal life – if you still have a job, that is-"

"Rose-"

"I'm just kidding, Bella. I'm sure you'll be fine - she wouldn't have promoted you and definitely wouldn't have given you more responsibilities so quickly if she thought you couldn't handle them. Just be honest with her. She's a smart woman; she'll understand."

"It's not that easy."

"It is that easy," she said tersely. "So… Edward. I still haven't met him, but from what Emmett has told me when they met at the hospital and what you've already told me, it seems like it's more than him holding on to you out of fear – a lot more. I don't know of any man who was only in it for sex who would do what he did for you when we found out about Renee. So what if he has baggage? – we all do."

"You're making all of this sound like it's no big deal, Rose. When did you become so optimistic?"

It wasn't that she was a pessimist - she was just very matter of fact about things… and honest… brutally honest.

"Bella, _you're_ making everything out to be a bigger deal than it needs to be, and you're really pissing me off." I imagined Rose crossing her arms over her chest, daring me to challenge her.

"And how exactly am I doing _that_?" I snapped.

"Because you were practically dormant for ten years while you were married to Jake. And now for the first time since I've known you, you seem alive and happy. You let Jake lead you around and call all of the shots, Bella."

"I never let-"

"Yes… you did. You were content, I guess, but nothing like how you are now. You're a totally different person since you've been with Edward."

I had never thought of my life with Jake in the way she had just described, and I certainly hadn't thought of myself as being _dormant_, let alone having allowed him to lead me around as she so eloquently put it. I wasn't his dog, for crying out loud!

"That doesn't explain why I'm pissing you off, Rose."

I could hear her sigh through the phone. James was singing loudly in the background, and she asked him to be quiet before she answered. "Because life is too short, and you're squandering yours away worrying over stuff that is actually insignificant in the grand scheme of things. The moment we found out Renee had cancer was the moment I decided not to waste another second with Emmett and my kids over things that don't truly matter. Bella, I'm holding on to them and loving them with everything I have, and you should do the same. If Edward makes you happy – let yourself be happy. If the two of you fall in love, then fall hard. Everything else will work itself out."

She was right, and I felt horrible.

"Live for the moment," I said.

"Yeah."

****

I arrived back at my house before Edward but only by a few minutes. I leaned against the door jam, watching him as he climbed out of his Porsche. The light wind blew his already messy copper hair in a multitude of directions as he walked toward the house.

Edward and I didn't take our eyes off each other as he walked into the house. He dropped his keys on the side table in the tiny space that was supposed to act as a foyer and slipped off his jacket, tossing it over the back of the chair.

I smiled reassuringly - he didn't return the gesture. Instead he shrugged, his palms facing upward, and I remembered he wasn't privy to my epiphany.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Um… it's not really important anymore." Edward's forehead creased, and I realized how differently I must have sounded on the phone with him earlier as opposed to how I might have seemed now. I worried my mood swings might give him whiplash and raised my hand to interrupt him as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Tanya and I had a conversation after you left… actually it was more of her butting in." I told him what she had said and how I stormed out of the office. I didn't give the details of all the things that went through my mind though - just the cliff's notes version.

Edward laughed in disbelief, shaking his head, and rubbed the back of his neck. "Huh." He walked into the kitchen and took a bottle of water out of the refrigerator.

_Huh?_

"Edward?" I asked cautiously, following him into the kitchen. I watched as he tilted his head back, taking a long pull from the bottle. He was clearly agitated, but I wasn't sure if it was at Tanya, me, or a combination of the both of us.

Edward screwed the cap back on the bottle and set it on the counter. "It seems no matter where I go, the past still follows me," he murmured.

"I'm sorry."

"Why? You have nothing to be sorry about," he said, leaning against the counter. "Look, it's of no relevance at all, but Emily _was_ my girlfriend at the time. We broke up, and my parents put a spin on it by associating our break up with the accident – it's not the first time they've done something like that. The truth is Emily and I weren't getting along very well toward the end anyway. I guess it's safe to assume that at one time my mother told your boss her version of what happened." Edward walked toward me and placed his hands on my hips, kissing the top of my head. "I'm sorry you had to hear that version. There really isn't any more to it. Tanya had no business saying anything at all, but you probably shouldn't have left work so angry. What are you going to do now… about Tanya?"

I ran both of my hands through my hair and scrunched up my face. "I don't know. _If_ she doesn't fire me, I'm going to tell her, in so many words, to mind her own freaking business." I glanced at the clock on the microwave – it was late afternoon, and there really was no point in going back to work now - especially leaving the way I had. "I'm not going to go back in today, though."

So it seemed Tanya didn't know the truth regarding Edward and Emily. I was glad about this, and for some strange reason, I felt as though I had one up on her. Not in a competitive sort of way, but that I was getting to know Edward through him and not through other people.

Edward hooked his finger into the waist of my skirt and smiled. "If you're not going back, that means I get you all to myself for the rest of the day, doesn't it?"

I rolled my eyes. "I do have some things I need to work on before tomorrow. It'll take me an hour or two, okay?" I said, tugging at the hem of his shirt.

"I don't mind." He leaned in to kiss me. "I need to go back to the leasing office and sign some papers for the condo."

"Oh! You found one already?"

He nodded. "Yeah, the first one I looked at. Come with me – I think you'll like it. Your work isn't going anywhere." He smiled – the lopsided one. I melted.

"You're going to be a bad influence on me, aren't you?"

Edward's finger was still hooked in the waist of my skirt, and he pulled me closer. He lowered his mouth to mine and nibbled, then licked, my bottom lip. "Maybe."

*****

"Kate, this is Bella. Bella… Kate," Edward said, introducing me to the leasing agent.

Kate and I said hello and shook hands. Even wearing my four inch heels, Kate was still at least a head taller than me. Her lips were painted scarlet red and were a deep contrast to her poker-straight, platinum hair. She held a ring of keys and directed us toward the elevator.

Edward held my hand while I glanced around the lobby as the three of us walked down the wide hall to the elevator. It was gorgeous. The rich browns and blacks of the floors and walls were mere complements to the brown and white marble sculptures and fire place. A huge icicle shaped crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling.

Once we were inside the mirrored elevator, Kate pressed a button… 'P.'

_Penthouse?_

I glanced toward Edward - my eyebrows raised - and surreptitiously mouthed, 'Penthouse?' He shrugged and squeezed my hand. From my periphery, I could see Kate smirk. I wondered how much commission she made. Did leasing agents earn commissions? I didn't know.

After finally reaching the top floor, Edward and I followed Kate to the end of the hall. There were four condos, well, penthouses on the floor.

"Here we are," she announced, opening the door.

Kate gave me a quick tour: two bedrooms – both complete with walk-in closets and their own bathrooms, an office, a kitchen with stainless steel appliances and dark cherry cabinets, and a huge space I assumed was the living/dining areas. I couldn't help but notice how different the penthouse was compared to Edward's lake house. The layout design was modern and sophisticated, while the lake house, albeit very nice, was comfortable and simplistic.

Edward thanked Kate, and she excused herself to go down to the office after saying she'd return in fifteen minutes with the paperwork.

"So… what do you think?" he asked and slid his hand under my coat, placing it on the small of my back.

"It's incredible." I walked toward one of the two patios and looked down onto the Town Center below. It was quiet, only a few people were walking around. I craned my neck and noticed workers preparing the ice rink for the coming season.

"Is the office big enough for you?"

"What?" I spun around, wondering if I heard him correctly.

"The office. You know, if you're here and need to work. Is it big enough?"

_Yes, Edward. It's almost as big as my office at work._

"It's perfect."

He extended his hand and smiled. The setting sun shone through the glass doors of the second balcony, his green eyes vibrant in the light. "Good. Come here."

Edward gestured to help take my coat off and then draped it across the breakfast bar. "I'll need to get some furniture," he said. "You'll help?"

"Of course, but aren't you going to bring anything from the lake house?"

Edward took off his jacket and laid it next to mine. "A few things, but I'd like to keep that place furnished for when we're down there." He walked to the front door and turned the lock.

"What are you doing?" I asked. "Isn't Kate coming back with the lease agreement?"

He smiled and looked at his watch. "Not for at least ten minutes."

I flushed. "Really, Cullen?"

Edward nodded. "Yeah. I've been fantasizing about you in that outfit all day," he said, stalking toward me. He untucked my blouse as he pressed his lips against my ear. "Don't you think we should test this place out?"

Ten minutes.

Edward leaned down and bit at my nipple through my silk blouse. I grabbed his hair with one hand and his shoulder with the other - both nipples hardening, my panties suddenly moist.

Nine minutes.

I sucked in a breath. "Yes, definitely."

Kneeling in front of me, Edward slipped his hands under my skirt and pulled my nylons and panties down to my ankles in one swift movement. I toed my shoes off, and he removed the garments, tossing them to the side.

"Put your shoes back on." His voice was low and gravelly, and I quirked an eyebrow at him.

Edward smirked and dipped his head to kiss the inside of my knees with an open mouth. He slid his hands up the outside of my thighs, bunching up my skirt. My breath quickened, and I glanced at my watch, praying Kate would be delayed unexpectedly.

"Seven minutes," I said.

Edward chuckled as he rose and unbuttoned his jeans. He turned us and backed me against the wall. My entire body was on fire; my pulse throbbing between my legs.

"I want you," I breathed. "I want you inside me."

Edward huffed and slammed his mouth against mine. Our teeth clanked as our tongues swirled eagerly together. I pulled at his pants, and Edward pushed them down just far enough to free his cock. My hands cupped over his ears, tugging at his thick hair as we frantically kissed. Edward lifted my skirt and grabbed me by the backs of my thighs, wrapping my legs around him.

I turned my wrist and quickly peeked. "Five minutes." Adrenaline coursed through my veins, scared Kate would burst through the door any minute.

"Shut up, Swan," he whispered against my mouth, and I locked my ankles behind his thighs.

"Then hurry up and fuck me, Cullen."

It sounded as though he growled as he thrust his cock inside me. Edward's fingers dug into my skin just below my backside as he quickly rocked his hips against me. It felt painfully good.

"Fuck me, Edward… fuck… me," I grunted, yanking at his hair as I bit his bottom lip.

I didn't look at my watch this time. "Three minutes."

"Do you want to come now?" he hissed and sucked just below my jaw, pounding harder and faster into me.

_No. Yes._ I dug my nails into his shoulders, bracing myself as I pushed mine firmly against the wall.

"Tell me, baby," he panted. "Fucking tell me to make you come."

I squeezed my thighs tightly around his hips, all of the muscles in my body constricting; my climax building so fast I thought I'd explode.

"Yes… now."

Edward snaked his arm beneath my ass, gripping my hip. He moved his other hand between us and flicked my clit with his fingers, still rocking his hips. "One minute," he said. "Come for me."

_Fuck_. _Me._

I clenched my eyes, gritting my teeth as I squealed and came fast and hard. I wanted to scream praises and obscenities as my legs quivered around him.

"Oh fuck, Bella," he said, moving his hands back to my hips again. He pulled me into him as he thrust himself into me. I braced my hands on his shoulders, again pushing myself against the wall as he stilled. Edward grunted once, his eyes closed and his jaw tight. "You always feel so good," he said quietly.

"So do you." Unlocking my ankles, I stepped on the floor one foot at a time as Edward pulled out of me.

He gripped the back of my neck with both hands and kissed me as I cupped his face with mine.

"Did it pass?" I asked.

"What's that?" He sucked my upper lip into his mouth. "God, you taste good."

I smiled. "The condo – did it pass the test?"

Edward laughed softly. "With flying colors."

* * *

**Big News!!!! Hints of Me made it on to the final round in the Indies!!! THANK YOU! Talk about a getting a nice surprise in my inbox last week! Voting starts on March 15 and runs through the 24****th****. If you get a chance, please stop by and vote for your favorite stories.**

**Go check out my interview on P.I.C.'s Fanfic Corner. www(dot)picffcorner(dot)blogspot(dot)com.**

**And more big news! I'm one of ten judges in an upcoming contest sponsored by The Kingdom and Argus Books. You could get your original work published in the second installment of The Kingdom series. Go to ****http://kingdomcontest(dot)wordpress(dot)com**** for rules and dates. **

**Thank you to everyone who reads, adds, and reviews. Mr. Multiple really likes reading what you have to say. **


	14. I painted

**A/N: I don't own Twilight, but if I did I would probably finish MS.**

**Thank you to my betas Mac214, askthemagic8ball, and sncmom. I also want to thank ScarletBlondepr for her help with some of the music selections. We went back and forth a few times and even sang a little on Twitter – okay one line each, but it was fun nonetheless. Kettle – Chris is all you, bb, and so is Madge.**

* * *

My body felt heavy, but I was comfortably warm… safe. Edward's leg draped over mine, and his forearm rested lazily on my waist. I awoke holding onto his other arm; no doubt he'd wake up to pins and needles by the way I held it.

I remembered waking several times throughout the night but not fully. I dreamed, although I couldn't remember anything specific – just blurred faces and images that didn't mean anything. I knew Edward was in my dream from the wild bronze hair, but his face wasn't clear. I also remembered the color orange, wildflowers, and the ocean. Having dreams that made no sense wasn't anything new; I rarely remembered any of my dreams. The odd thing was I had never dreamt when I slept with Edward.

I stretched my legs, letting go of his arm. Edward shifted slightly but didn't turn away. Instead he moved closer, and I could feel his warm breath on the back of my neck. I smiled and reached back to touch his hair, thinking of waking up like this every morning.

It was still dark outside, and I glanced at the clock that sat on my nightstand. I still had another thirty minutes before the alarm sounded and curled my body, pressing my bare back further into Edward's chest.

Edward slid his arms around my chest, gripping my shoulders, and squeezed as he inhaled. "Morning," he said, his voice groggy, his lips on my neck.

"Hi." I held onto his forearm with one hand and ran the other down the outside of his thigh.

Edward skimmed his nose along my shoulder and kissed it with an open mouth. "I like this."

I pressed my head further into the pillow as his lips moved to my ear. "What do you like?"

"Waking up next to you. You're so warm… soft." He pulled me close to him again.

I wriggled out of his hold to turn and face him. Edward wrapped his arms around me, smiling, as I twirled his hair around my finger. "I do too – like waking up next to you."

"You didn't sleep very well, though. Bad dreams?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't think so. I don't remember anything too specific. I'm sorry I woke you."

"Don't worry about it." Edward rolled on top of me and masterfully maneuvered himself between my legs, and I giggled. "You're not having second thoughts about this, are you?" He kissed my forehead.

"About what?"

"Me… moving here to be with you." His face fell slightly – he looked forlorn, young.

"No! Why would you think that?"

Edward closed his eyes, shaking his head. "I don't know," he whispered. "Never mind."

I placed my hands on either side of his beautiful face, holding it firmly, and rubbed his unshaven cheeks with my thumbs. "Edward," I started, "a lot has happened between us over the past few days. I want this – all of it… I want you."

He squinted his eyes as though he was studying my face.

"I'm not going anywhere."

I trailed my hand down his cheek, running the pads of my fingers along his bottom lip, and wondered how broken he really was. My emotions had been running high and low; my curiosities about him had run rampant too, but I wasn't scared anymore. I wasn't worried about my job, and I wasn't concerned what else was going on inside Edward's head – well, I was, but only for him. It was strange, as if Rose's advice had truly sunk in, or perhaps it was the key to his condo I now carried on my key ring that solidified us. Whatever it was, I cared deeply about Edward, and I wasn't afraid to put myself out there for him.

He leaned down and kissed me slowly… gently. Edward pulled back and repositioned himself between my legs. He looked at me as though he sought permission to have sex with me. I smiled in response, tightening my thighs around his hips, and pushed his shoulder to roll him on his back.

Edward laughed, cupping his hands around my face. "Come here."

I sank down on him and leaned forward, my mouth next to his ear. "Do you trust me, Edward?" I whispered, rocking my hips slowly against him. I kissed along his jaw, his chin, and finally his lips. Edward's hand moved to my lower back, the other resting between my shoulder blades. I leaned back slightly to look at him and said, "I trust you."

*****

The depth of sincerity in Edward's green eyes as he nodded and said 'Yes,' that he did trust me stayed with me throughout the morning, making my meeting with Tanya a little more bearable. I ignored the wary glances from Jasper and pretended as though nothing had happened the day before. I did bring him a large coffee from Starbucks though… and a bagel.

I rode the elevator up to Tanya's office – I did not buy her Starbucks – five minutes before our scheduled meeting. My hands were a little clammy, but I reminded myself I was going to stand firm and just tell her how inappropriate she was yesterday.

"You can go in, Bella. She's waiting for you."

_I'm ready… I think_. I nodded, offered a small smile, and walked into Tanya's office.

Tanya sat behind her desk looking holier than thou, her hands woven together on top of her lap as she leaned back into her black leather chair. Her strawberry-blonde hair was pulled back into a loose twist, and she wore a red, silk suit. Tanya's expression was hard, and I swore I saw little horns poking up on top of her head, which actually negated my first thought of her appearance.

"Did you enjoy your afternoon yesterday, Bella?"

"Tan-"

"To say I'm a bit disappointed would be an understatement," she interrupted, motioning for me to sit. "If you can't handle a little stress, then how are you going to handle this job?"

_Keep it professional, Bella._ "I can handle stress just fine, and I think I've been doing a good job."

"You have to guard yourself. I can't have someone in your position throwing temper tantrums every time they get a little flustered." Tanya's exasperated expression really ticked me off, and then when she turned toward her monitor and began to stroke her keyboard dismissively, she really pissed me off.

No one had ever tested my temper the way that Tanya had – save her husband. She was hot and cold. One minute she would behave as though we were best friends and the next – like now – she'd be demeaning. I had always considered myself to be fairly resilient, but enough was enough.

Edward's offer for me to quit had never seemed better.

"I'm not going to make excuses for myself, and I honestly don't know what your intentions were, but I would prefer to keep my personal life private." She opened her mouth to say something, but I continued before she had the chance to interrupt me again. "My reaction yesterday was not a tantrum, and before you had a chance to say anything more about Edward, which is quite frankly none of your business, I needed to leave the room. I told you I didn't feel comfortable talking about him with you, but you, for whatever reason, felt the need to divulge personal things about him." Tanya's eyebrows raised into an almost perfect arch as she stared at me -_ Shit, I'm going to get fired – _but I kept going. "I would like for our relationship to be strictly professional, and for the record, Edward is fine, and anything that has happened in his past is in his past. When and what he wants to share with _me_, he will, so I would really appreciate it if-"

"Stop right there," she said, her voice flat. Tanya drew in a deep breath as she leaned forward and picked up a pen, tapping it on her desk before she spoke again.

"I didn't intend to get involved in your personal life, Bella, but let me explain why I said what I did yesterday. You have a lot of potential – I've told you that before, and I think you're going to do very well here, but you also have a lot to deal with outside of work. As I've already stated, I don't make it a habit to involve myself in the personal lives of my employees, however… you're going to have your hands full, and I need to know I won't have to worry about things slipping through the cracks on your end."

"I don't understand what that has to do with Edward," I said, crossing my legs.

Tanya turned back to her monitor and hit a key on the keyboard. "I know the family well… very well."

"Things aren't going to slip through the cracks – you don't need to worry… and you're not just talking about my hands being full with my mother's illness, are you?"

Yes, I was being contradictory and basically invited her to expose more 'secrets', but I also realized this wasn't going to go away easily either.

Tanya smiled slightly and picked up her phone. "Lauren, could you bring in two coffees and print off the document I just emailed you?" She looked at me, placing her hand over the receiver, and asked if I wanted cream and sugar. I replied, 'No,' and within a few minutes, Lauren entered Tanya's office balancing two black ceramic mugs, steam rising from each, and a small stack of stark white papers.

I tapped my foot impatiently, holding the warm cup between my hands.

She held out the papers to me. "The top sheet is your itinerary for next week. I rearranged your schedule a bit so you'll be in San Francisco first instead of L.A. The second has the contact information of our clients you're going to meet with, and the third is a revised list of new spring products."

After taking the information, I glanced through the pages, stopping on the second page of the client information, one name practically jumping off the page: Dr. Carlisle Cullen.

"Edward's father is a customer? He wasn't listed in the information Jasper, Maggie, and I went over yesterday."

"The name of his practice was, but not him specifically. He is a client, Bella, and whether you and Edward are involved with each other or not, you'd still be working with his office. There are two other doctors in his practice: Dr. Marcus Richards and Dr. Aro Fischer. Felix had only dealt with Bree in the past, but Felix wasn't dating any of their relatives either, which is why none of their names were listed, only the name of their practice: _Premier Plastic Surgery_."

I didn't say anything for a few moments, not really sure what to say, and took a sip of coffee. It did make sense now that they were the only client that was not a day spa.

"I haven't told Carlisle his son's girlfriend is our new west coast distribution rep, but I think I should," she said. "You might want to consider it. If Edward would like to go with you, I wouldn't have a problem with that either."

"Why?"

"I've already told you I'm close friends with his parents – it wouldn't make me look very good withholding information from them, now would it? Besides, don't you think it would be awkward if Edward knew you were going to meet his father and he wasn't there?"

"Yes, but-"

"Trust me on this one, okay? I will respect your wishes and not mention anything more about Edward or his family. Just think of this as a gift, Bella."

A gift – as in insight into Edward's life, or was she just hoping to reconcile his parents and him? Edward had said he hadn't spoken to his parents on a regular basis nor had he seen them in a while, so maybe that's what she meant. Regardless, I felt better about where she and I stood with one another.

I told Tanya I would speak to Edward about it later that evening and reminded her that my weekly sitting with Renee as her chemo-buddy was the following day. Leaving work early twice in one week guaranteed a long day today.

When I got back to my office I pulled my cell phone from my purse to call Edward, intending to ask him now as opposed to later about flying out to L.A. with me. I was actually getting a little excited about the idea of meeting his father. But from what he had said about them – his father a doctor and his mother a cellist, lots of money - I wondered if they might be pretentious. Edward was so grounded, and I couldn't imagine them being too different from each other. I really hoped he would want to go and not get all cryptic on me again.

I looked at the screen on my cell - there was a text from Edward:

**What's your favorite color?**

**Blue**. **Why???? **I replied.

Within two minutes, my cell rang.

"Because I'm picking up some paint… hi. Light or dark? I'm no good at this," he said, laughing.

"Hey. You have great taste; consider who you're seeing," I teased. "Go with a dark shade, maybe with gray tones – I think it'll look nice with the dark floors."

"I miss you."

"I miss you too."

"How late do you think you'll be tonight?" There was a lot of noise in the background, and a voice presumably speaking on an intercom asked for an associate in plumbing.

"Probably until around eight. If you're at Home Depot, do _not_ buy candles - okay?"

"You're so funny, Swan. Alright, well, just head over to the condo and be prepared to get dirty - you're helping."

"Yes, sir! Hey, I have a question for you," I said, looking at my itinerary.

"What's up?"

"You know how I'm traveling next week? Well... it seems your dad's practice is one of our clients, and I have an appointment to meet with them next Friday. Would you like to go with me?" I chewed on my bottom lip, thinking perhaps I should have waited to ask him in person just so I could see his reaction.

_Say yes, say yes._

"Er… sure. What about Tanya? Wouldn't it bother her if I went with you on a business trip?"

"Actually, she suggested it."

"Okay, guess we're going to L.A. next week."

*****

A little after nine p.m. I arrived at Edward's condo and unlocked the door with my key.

_My key_, I thought, smiling. As I opened the door, Edward stood with his back toward me wearing old faded jeans, the edges of the pockets frayed, and a tattered white tee shirt. He was rolling dark blue paint on the wall of the living room. There was a drop cloth spread across the hard wood floor, a ladder sitting in the middle of the room, and a few cans of paint on the floor next to it. _All My Life_, by the Foo Fighters, was playing on his iPod that sat on the breakfast bar.

"Grab a roller, Swan," he called over his shoulder.

I pulled my sweatshirt over my head and toed off my shoes as I watched the muscles in his biceps flex with each movement. He moved to the side, bending over, soaking more paint into the roller, and I craned my neck to look at his ass as I swept my hair into a ponytail. God, he looked good in those jeans. Edward laughed as he watched me from his periphery.

Edward handed me his roller, smiling, leaned down to kiss me, and got another roller for himself. We stood side by side as we painted, Edward mouthing the lyrics, both of us moving our bodies to the rhythm.

He leaned over and pressed his mouth to my ear and sung, "And if you let me inside, on and on, I've got nothin' to hide."

I nudged him with my elbow, laughing.

"Did you eat?" he asked.

"Yeah, I grabbed something from the deli in our building."

"Do you want a beer?"

"Sure, I'll get it." I set down my roller and walked to the refrigerator. It's only contents were a few bottles of Heineken, water, and a couple of Styrofoam containers.

On my way back into the living room, I turned up the volume on the speakers, heavy drums and bass almost vibrating the walls.

"You like this kind of music?" he asked, and I nodded.

"My assistant, Jasper, has a band – did I tell you that? We should go see them sometime, although I have no idea what kind of music they play."

Edward agreed and about thirty minutes later, we moved on to the last wall to be painted, dark blue paint already under my nails and splattered on my jeans. I had never been one to be neat when I painted. Edward, on the other hand, didn't have a spot on him.

The music morphed into a slow guitar sound, and I smiled – I knew this song, and when the tempo sped up, I started bouncing to the beat.

Edward moved behind me. "You missed a spot," he said, and placed his hand on mine, guiding the roller. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me into him, his growing erection poking my lower back – I didn't stop moving to the music. "You really shouldn't do that."

"Dance with me."

He squeezed me tighter, and I pushed back into him, our hips swaying.

"You should get a tattoo," I said, thinking how unbelievably hot Edward would look with a shoulder or side piece. That thought may have had something to do with Chris Cornell now singing in the background, but the image of Edward with a tattoo was, well… I was getting wet thinking about it.

"Oh yeah?"

"Mm hmm." I turned and put my roller in the tray on the floor, dipping my fingers in the paint.

"What are you doing?" he asked, smirking.

I lifted the side of his shirt. "Something right here," I said, dragging my fingers down his side and over part of his ribs.

He shivered, smiling and shaking his head. Edward tossed his roller in the tray and quickly took off his shirt. His green eyes darkened a shade. He spun me around as Rage Against the Machine screamed from the speakers and lifted my tee shirt over my head, throwing it on the floor.

"So, you want to play," he said in my ear, and then bit my neck – hard.

I moaned, nodding as he ran the tip of tongue over my shoulder. Edward unfastened my jeans, and I reached back, threading my hands in his hair, and pulled as he slid his hand inside my panties, rubbing my clit with his fingers.

"Do you like that? You're so fucking wet." Edward unhooked my bra with his other hand and pulled my hands out of his hair. He reached around and yanked off my bra, dropping it in front of us.

"Yeah," I breathed. "Rub harder." I reached around to unbutton his jeans and tugged them down his hips.

Edward took his hand out of my jeans and traced his finger over my bottom lip. "But you said you wanted to play," he hissed.

I ran my tongue along my lip, looking at him over my shoulder. I put my thumbs in the waist of my jeans, removing them with my panties. One corner of his mouth lifted, and he sucked the ends of his fingers.

Edward removed his jeans and wiped his hand on his side where I painted him. My back was still facing him, and he wrapped his clean hand around my ponytail, pulling me into him, and smeared paint down between my breasts and over my stomach. I dug my nails into his forearm and tilted my head back as Edward thrust his tongue into my mouth.

He grabbed my hand and brought it forcefully over my breast and squeezed. He clutched it so tightly it was almost painful. Edward gripped my hip, his fingers digging into my skin while grinding his cock against my back.

"Bite me again," I said. My voice was shaky as I lowered my head, reaching my hand around to his ass, his muscles flexing with each movement.

Edward huffed, his cock getting even harder, and sunk his teeth into my shoulder. I gasped, my nipples stiffening, every nerve in my body feeling hypersensitive.

I moved my hand to his dick and began to pump with long, hard strokes. "Again."

Edward chuckled - his voice was low, almost dark, and he slid his hands down between my legs, jerking me against him - his fingers then massaging and flicking my clit. He bit and licked me down my neck, not as hard this time, but enough. I sucked in my bottom lip, cringing from the pain.

Edward enveloped all of my senses. I couldn't smell the paint – I could only smell him. And I couldn't hear the music anymore, just his voice and his breath in my ear.

"I'm going to fuck you now," he growled and licked the edge of my ear. "How do you want it?"

"You know how I want it."

"Bend over."

There was no furniture, nothing to brace myself against, so I dropped to my knees and leaned forward on my palms. Edward was down on the floor behind me in mere seconds, and kissed and sucked the backs of my thighs as he thrust his fingers inside me - I grunted. His slithered his tongue over my ass, over my hips, my lower back as he moved his fingers – curling, thrusting, and curling again.

"Fuck," I panted, moving my hips with the rhythm of his fingers, gripping the drop cloth tightly in my hands.

Edward took his fingers out of me, positioned his cock, and plunged into me as he held firmly onto my hips.

He rocked his hips, each time feeling like he was going deeper, if that was even possible, and slid the heel of his hand up my spine. Edward pulled the elastic tie out of my hair, letting my hair fall over my face.

I pressed my hips back toward him as he thrust into me, both of us eliciting grunts, moans and half-words.

Edward pulled out of me suddenly. "Sit up," he commanded. When I turned, he was lying on his back, propped on his elbows, blue paint smeared on his side. "Sit on me."

I smiled and crawled on top of him, quickly lowering myself on him. He gripped my thighs as I rode him, pushing my hands against his chest.

My orgasm came fast and hard. _Oh my god._ I couldn't speak and clenched my eyes shut, biting my bottom lip as every muscle tightened.

"Open your eyes. Look at me." His breathing was fast.

Edward and I stared at each other, his face tensing, small noises escaping his chest, and I could feel him tremble underneath me.

I collapsed on top of him after he came, kissing his cheek, jaw, and lips gently.

"What the hell was that?" he asked, his chest rumbling with quiet laughter.

"I don't know, but I think I might have a bruise or two tomorrow."

I could start to smell the paint again, and the music seemed to get louder too. I had no idea what song had just finished, but the one that started was nothing like what we had be listening to.

_Salt N Pepa's back…_

_And if you mess with me, I'll take your man…_

_Well I'll take your man right out da box and put him under my padlock…_

I pulled back and stared at him. His eyes were suddenly huge, and I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing.

_Check him out, you see what I mean?_

_  
He's leading the pack as the fellas scream_

_  
Go, Sandy! Get busy! Go, Sandy! Get busy!_

I covered my mouth with my hands, laughing as Edward squirmed under me. "I need to get up."

"Oh no, no, no," I said, pushing him down by the shoulders. "What else is on your iPod, Cullen? A little En Vogue, maybe some C&C?" I teased.

Edward sat up, laughing, practically throwing me off of him. We each scrambled to our feet and ran to the iPod. I snuck under his arm and grabbed it before he did.

"Stop. I haven't updated my playlist in a long time!" He tried to grab it out of my hands as I scrolled through the songs.

I slapped his hand away. "What's this? RunDMC – _It's Tricky_… I like that song. What else do we have?"

"Bella."

"Are you embarrassed that you have 90's girl rap on your iPod?" I scrolled through more songs. "Madge, nice… _4 minutes_ – _very_ nice!"

Edward shook his head and held out his hand. "Come on, Swan. Stop scrolling now."

"I like these songs. Nelly, Peter Gabriel, Eminem, Nine Inch Nails, Springsteen. Oh, NECRO, _Who's Your Daddy?_ Edward, you're such a dirty boy!" I tsked.

He gave up and walked to where our clothes were. He tossed mine to me – I didn't catch them, instead moving out of the way to let them fall to the floor. As he was putting on his boxers, I continued to look through his songs and suddenly, my mouth dropped. "You, um… _Tiffany_?"

He quickly ran over and snatched his iPod out of my hands. "That was a mistake." I quirked my eyebrow and picked up my tank and underwear from the floor. "Okay, so she has a nice voice… sue me."

"I'm not judging… much," I joked. "I'm going to start the shower and hope this paint comes off."

Edward's condo may not have had food or furniture, but at least there were towels, soap, and shampoo in his bathroom. I assumed he thought ahead. Waiting for the water to warm, I looked at myself in the mirror. I had blue paint all over me; my stomach, my arms, my neck. I leaned forward to see how bad my skin looked from Edward's teeth. The areas on my shoulders I _could_ see were red, the imprint of his teeth in one spot. They were starting to hurt, too. Luckily, it was cold outside, and I didn't have to worry about covering them up. I laughed to myself, imagining how I would explain bite marks to Renee.

Edward walked into the bathroom, kissed me, took off his boxers, and stepped into the shower. "So, babe?"

"Yeah," I answered and stepped into the shower with him.

He tilted his head back under the stream of water and ran his hands through his hair. After wiping the water from his face, he said, "I have to be honest with you, I'm a little nervous about the L.A. trip next week. I haven't spoken to my parents in a while. Are you sure about this? I mean, I know you have to go for work and all, but it's going to be uncomfortable."

"If you don't want to go, you don't have to." I empathized with him, but I was a little disappointed if he was going to back out. "I don't have to say anything to your dad about who I am. He doesn't have to know if it bothers you."

"No, I'll go. We'll go together. Just promise me one thing."

"Sure, anything."

"They're different from me. They have high standards, so promise me you won't think differently of me after you meet them."

"Okay, and you have to promise me something in return," I said, dipping my hair under the spray.

"Anything." He squeezed shampoo into the palm of his hand and rubbed it in my hair.

"You have to go with me to my brother's this weekend to help carve pumpkins."

"That's it?"

"No… promise you won't think differently of me when Emmett and I have our annual seed spitting contest." I wrinkled my nose, waiting to see his reaction. It really sounded a lot more disgusting than it actually was.

"So you and your brother spit seeds together, yet you give me a hard time about Tiffany," he teased. "Deal. But I'll bet you a hundred dollars neither one of you can spit farther than me."

"Oh, you're on Cullen."

Edward and I finally got back to my house after we cleaned up the condo, and went to bed – both of us exhausted. I slept well… no dreams.

* * *

**A/N: Phew – that was a long one. They're getting there, no? Learning a little more about each other… sort of. Only a couple of chapters until these two hit L.A. How do you think Carlisle and Esme will be? **

**Oh, I have a Facebook account and would love to be your friend!! lol I'm Twentytwoblue Ficster, and on Twitter I'm 22bluefic. **

**So, Hints did not win an Indie, BUT I am so very grateful to everyone who voted. I'm thrilled Hints has gained so many new readers lately, and I love you guys who keep coming back every week!! Thank you, thank you, thank you.**

**RL has been pretty interesting lately and I don't anticipate things will slow down anytime soon. So… the next chapter will probably come in about ten days or so. I hope to have it done quicker, but I don't want to make any promises. In the meantime, please leave a review so I know you stopped by!!**


	15. I met them

**A/N: I do not own Twilight, but I do own the plot of Hints.**

**There are a few ladies who own me because of their stellar beta and pre-reading skills: Mac214 (the ficwife), katinki01, sncmom, and askthemagic8ball. They'd own me anyway even if they didn't make my words pretty. **

* * *

Edward and I sat side by side in business class on a late flight to San Francisco. I hated flying – well, once I was in the air I was fine. My problem was with the take-off and landing. The sounds planes made as they increased their speed on the tarmac and the wheels descending for landing... those things did me in. Aerophobia was the term for a fear of flying, but was there one for a fear of an airplane suddenly combusting into flames mid take-off and exploding? Or perhaps a phobia for a plane taking a nose-dive as it was landing, plummeting into the runway and smashing everyone on board to bits? If there was, that's what I had.

But I really couldn't share those specific details with Edward.

I took a deep breath through my nose, exhaling through my mouth after the captain announced we were next for take-off. As soon as I heard and felt the plane begin to move, I pressed my head back against the seat, clenched my eyes shut, and held my breath.

"Bella?"

"Shh." _Don't talk._

"Babe?" I could feel Edward shift in his seat, and I squeezed his hand tighter.

"Wait," I squeaked, barely shaking my head. I could feel him staring at me and heard him chuckle. I was sure I was amusing him given how contorted my face must have looked all scrunched up as it was.

Once the plane felt as though it was leveling out, I loosened my grip on Edward's hand and began to relax.

"Not too crazy about flying, huh?" he asked.

_No, not really, and I can't say what my biggest fears are because I'm afraid you might go emo on me again._

I smiled and shrugged. "This part is fine; it's just the beginning that kind of bothers me. No big deal." I tried to sound casual, leaning across him to slide the window cover thing up.

"It's pitch-black out there; you can't see anything."

"I know." Apparently I was a little claustrophobic too.

Edward rubbed his thumb in slow circles over my hand as he leaned back into his seat; he was calm… more so than he had been over the past two days. Before then we were a normal couple, doing normal things, like picking out furniture for his condo and choosing pumpkins to take to Emmett's. And when he was gone for one night to pack up some things from his lake house, we talked on the phone for hours because we missed each other. I wasn't oblivious to the fact that we were both new to each other, but something had happened between us. Things had changed for me.

Saturday morning, I explained how the right size and shape of a pumpkin had always been crucial, and the stem… the stem had to be intact and at least three to four inches in length. Of course he had looked at me like I was crazy. Edward had watched me when I placed a few pumpkins on the ground at the roadside farmer's market, eyeing them carefully to see if they sat flat or wobbled – yet another important factor – and muttered something about how long it would probably take us to pick out a Christmas tree. I liked that he was thinking about things like that.

He meshed so well with my family that day, carving pumpkins and spitting seeds - which I was now a hundred dollars richer for, by the way, even if he had clearly thrown the contest. Edward deflected comments from Renee, which were the usual ones about my clothes or hair, and Emmett had even developed a man-crush on him, securing an upcoming Saturday to go see a Virginia Tech game. He was comfortable – the entire situation was comfortable, and that was it for me. I knew he was the one. Never mind everything else… I was falling in love with Edward.

As I watched the attendant pass out drinks and snacks, I thought about how Edward reacted to James, my nephew.

"_Aunt Belly!" James screamed excitedly from his plastic playhouse in the far corner of the yard, and within sixty seconds he was hitched to my leg. "Who are you?" _

"_James," Rose warned, holding Lily as she slept._

"_Sorry. I'm James. Who are you?" he asked Edward._

_Edward knelt down and introduced himself. James cocked his head, his little brow crinkling, and eyed Edward intensely. The two of them locked eyes as Edward waited patiently for my three, almost four-year-old nephew to finish with his assessment. Everyone watched them quietly, and it was as if Edward and James were speaking silently to one another; James nodded his head once with a slight movement. Edward grinned widely when James finally let go of my leg long enough to give him a high five… for a moment I thought my uterus might have exploded._

"_He's a little protective of me," I said quietly as Edward rose._

"_I can't really blame him."_

But for the past week, I kept thinking about Tanya's statement, "_You're going to have your hands full."_ I didn't know what she meant, and I wasn't about to delve into that with Edward. As far as I was concerned, my working relationship with Tanya had gone back to normal and whatever she knew, or thought she knew, I'd find out eventually anyway.

According to Edward, Carlisle and Esme were thrilled he was coming home and couldn't wait to meet me. He hadn't elaborated too much about their conversation, which was disappointing. I wanted to know what he had meant when he'd said they had high standards and they were different from him. Was he worried they'd think I wasn't good enough for him? I Googled Holmby Hills, California at work – his parents' neighborhood – and discovered how wealthy they must be. Names like Aaron Spelling (even though he was dead) and Hugh Hefner as possible neighbors led me to believe that was exactly what he meant. I couldn't imagine it would please the Cullens if their son brought home a girl who sat around a picnic table picking crabs and drinking beer with her family and then spat seeds for sport would make a suitable girlfriend.

But I was resolved not to overthink it. I was falling in love with him, and I'd recently found out, no matter what his parents might think of me, there was something else that was more important. Edward had nightmares - they were bad - and the one I witnessed scared the hell out of me.

Edward shifted in his seat, tucked my hair behind my ear, and whispered, "What are you thinking about?"

"You," I admitted, scrunching my nose.

The captain made the announcement all lights were going to be turned off soon and to try to get some sleep because we wouldn't be landing for another five and a half hours.

Edward dipped his head before he leaned over the console to kiss me. We stared at each other for a moment, and he cupped his hand around my cheek. "Please don't worry," he said. "I've got it under control. It was just a bad dream."

_No, it wasn't just a bad dream, and you really need to talk to someone._

I only responded by nodding and squeezing his hand.

Edward lifted my hand and kissed my knuckles; his eyes darted to my ear, and he grinned. "So… next week your mom goes back for another CT scan?" He was changing the subject.

"Yeah."

"You know I'm here for you no matter what, right?"

"I know." I traced the tips of my fingers along his hairline when the flight attendant interrupted us, handing us each a pillow and blanket. "We should try to sleep," I said as we reclined our seats.

It didn't take long for Edward to nod off but I was too geared up to sleep. All I could think about was how indifferent he was about his nightmares. That night had been frightening.

He jolted out of bed around two or three in the morning, panicked, his body covered in cold sweat, ran to the bathroom, and threw up. At first he wouldn't tell me what he had dreamed of or why it had been so bad it made him sick, but after an hour of lying in bed together, he had finally admitted to having sporadic nightmares about the accident. Even now, three years later, he said they still snuck up on him from time to time but insisted he was fine. I asked him if he had talked to anyone about them, a professional, and he said he hadn't and didn't intend to do so. He said his father prescribed him mild sedatives when the nightmares were really bad in the beginning, but he hadn't taken anything in over a year – he didn't like feeling lethargic or weighed down all the time.

Edward had told me the story of the bar fight and his bruised cheek. He admitted to being afraid to call me after he returned, worried of what I might think because it was still very early in our relationship, and I had told him I didn't care about that.

He confessed the main reason he didn't call was because he'd had another nightmare the first night he'd gotten home. Edward said if he had called he knew he wouldn't be able to wait until the weekend to see me after hearing my voice, and emailing would have had the same effect. I'd felt so bad for him because I would have been there if I'd known, and I told him this. But he didn't agree – he'd told me he was sure I would have run away. And that's when I told him there was nothing he _could_ do to scare me away.

I had tried to talk to him about it the next day. I brought up Claire and Seth, but he shut down. He only wanted to talk about the places he wanted to show me when we arrived in Los Angeles, and, rolling his eyes, he said his parents were going to take us to Spago for dinner.

He went shopping while I sat with Renee during her chemo treatment earlier that afternoon - when I got home there was a small box waiting for me on the kitchen island. I didn't notice it until I had said hello to Edward, who was in my bedroom packing his new suit, and headed to the kitchen for a bottle of water from the refrigerator.

The attached note was simple. It read: _Love, Edward._ The contents inside, however, were not as simple. He'd bought me a pair of sapphire earrings. I told him he didn't have to do things like that, but I didn't mind his gestures either. A few minutes later, I was thanking him. Actually, I thanked him a few times.

My heart started thrumming the moment we drove into Edward's parents' neighborhood. It beat even harder as we parked our rented Volvo in the circular drive and walked to the door of Dr. and Mrs. Cullen's home. White columns, white walkway, deep green ivy climbed the arched entry, and ferns potted in terra cotta planters sat on either side of the double oak doors.

I ran my fingers through my hair one last time and smoothed my dress. To say I was nervous was an understatement. My first client meeting in San Francisco, just two days prior, was nothing compared to how I felt right now.

He clasped his hand mine. "You look great… more than great; you're stunning."

I squeezed his hand in return and looked down at my simple black silk, sleeveless dress. "Are you sure this is okay? I mean, we're going to _Spago_, and I have no idea what to expect. Am I underdressed?" I asked as I fidgeted with the bracelet he'd given me for my birthday.

"You're perfect, Bella. Don't worry," he encouraged. "I won't leave your side."

The door swung open, and my attention immediately diverted from Edward's sexy grin to a tall, very handsome man with piercing blue eyes and blonde-silver hair.

"Edward!" he said, pulling Edward into a strong embrace. "It's so good to have you home, son." Edward returned the hug with one arm, not letting go of my hand.

I noticed music being played from somewhere inside the house as Edward introduced me. "It's good to see you, Dad. I take it Mom is playing?" His father nodded and looked toward me. "Dad, this is Bella. Bella, this is my father, Dr. Carlisle Cullen."

Edward's father bypassed my extended hand and pulled me into a very tight hug. Edward still hadn't let go of my hand, and I wasn't sure if he was holding on for my sake or for his.

"Bella," he said with a bright smile as he stepped back. "It's so very nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you too, Dr. Cullen." His features were sharp, and he looked so young, but not what one might expect a plastic surgeon who worked in Los Angeles to look like. I was anticipating him to resemble George Hamilton and have a tan, leathery face, but he was just the opposite.

"Come in you two, and please, call me Carlisle!"

"Are they here?" A soft female's voice echoed from another room at the same time the music stopped.

Edward inhaled, lifting his eyebrows as Carlisle answered, "Yes, darling." He motioned for us to move through the foyer, which looked more like a ball room with a black marble floor, massive chandelier, and spiral staircase. Save the black floor, everything was white and accented by light colors: tans and pale blues.

As we walked into another room – the living room, maybe - I took in how pristine everything was, so much order to it all. Their home was… _perfect_.

I could hear the rapid clicking sounds of shoes against the marble floor coming from the opposite direction until finally, a woman appeared. She clutched both hands against her chest and looked as though she was about to cry as she made her way toward Edward, enveloping him in her small frame.

"Oh, my sweet boy is home," she gushed. Edward kissed his mother's cheek as his turned red. I wondered if she still sent him underwear for Christmas.

Regardless if she still bought him tighty-whities, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was: caramel-colored, wavy hair, flawless complexion – maybe a few wrinkles - I wondered if she had benefitted from her husband's profession. She was dressed all in white, perfectly mimicking the immaculate nature of her home, and I suddenly felt so very out of place with all of the perfection around me.

His mother turned toward me, taking both of my hands in hers. "You must be Bella. I'm so happy to have you here."

Edward touched the small of my back. "Bella, this is my mother, Esme Cullen."

"Mrs. Cullen, thank you for having me. It's good to meet you."

"Call me Esme, dear." She turned her head as a young woman appeared dressed in a gray uniform. "Carmen, could you please bring a tray of hors d'oeuvres?" Carmen quickly left the room after she and Edward acknowledged each other with wide smiles. Esme dropped my hands and gestured for us to sit. "And Carlisle, be a darling and open a bottle of wine. I'm sure these two are famished. Red or white, Bella?"

"Oh, um… white, please." _In a really, really big glass._

The four of us chatted for a while, small talk mostly, but they did share some of Edward's childhood antics, which were admittedly funny. I asked Esme about her playing the cello, complimenting her talent, and she shared how she'd studied at the Mozarteum in Salzburg, Austria, and then she and Edward exchanged a few words in German.

"I didn't know you spoke German," I said, nudging him with my shoulder.

"A little," he shrugged.

Edward sat close to me the entire time, either holding my hand or resting his on my knee - for this I was thankful because his touch calmed me. I didn't feel as though I was in a shark tank during feeding, but I could feel his mother's gaze on me a majority of the time, sure she was either sizing me up or trying to figure out my dress size – the former was most likely the reason.

Carlisle was _interesting_. He was very nice and surprisingly down to earth, but when Edward talked about moving from the lake house, his only comment had been, "If moving near Bella is what you _need_, then your mother and I are very happy for you." I thought him emphasizing if it was what Edward needed was really odd.

After finishing my second glass of wine, Edward showed me where the bathroom was.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, I'm fine – the wine helps. Your parents are very nice - I don't know why you were worried about what I'd think." Well, I did figure this out the moment we stepped into the house – they had more money than a small country, and Edward didn't like to flaunt. Granted he owned a couple of expensive cars, a lake house and bought me expensive jewelry, but he didn't pride himself on it.

"Is there something you're not telling me? Like a dungeon in the basement where they have all of your ex-girlfriends locked up?" I joked.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Well, there is that, but I think they've released most of them. Although I hear the conditions are quite comfortable," he chuckled. "They like you, so I think you're safe from the chains."

"Do you think so?" He nodded in response. "I hope you're right, because I don't think Tanya would appreciate it if I worked remotely out of the dungeon. Now, go," I said, waving my hand. "I have to pee."

When I returned, the three of them were standing and facing each other, and looked my way as I walked into the room. It was suddenly very surreal; I was immersed in Edward's world, well, his parents' world, but that wasn't the point. It had only been a couple of weeks ago that we'd barely known each other at all.

Carlisle patted Edward on his back. "Edward, I want to show you my newest baby," he said. "I was able to get my hands on a 1953 Jaguar XK-120 FH Coupe, and she's a beauty!" Carlisle reverently enunciated every word, number, and letter.

"You're kidding!" Edward spun toward me, his eyes literally sparkling. "Bella, would you like to see what my dad does in his spare time?"

I was about to answer, but Esme looped her arm through mine. "You don't care about Carlisle's silly cars, do you? Why don't I show you our garden instead."

Actually, I would have liked to have seen his cars. Not that I found them interesting as evidently Carlisle and Edward, but I was curious what a Jaguar XYZ-whatever looked like.

And then I realized what was happening.

_Fuck_.

She was taking me to the dungeon.

"Sure, Esme. That'll be nice." I tried to sound enthusiastic and hoped I was convincing.

Edward mouthed an apology, and I mouthed back that it was okay – but it really wasn't.

Once we were outside, and I was away from Edward, my hands became a little sweaty. Two glasses of wine or not, his mother made me nervous. I knew she didn't want to show me their garden, she was going to ask a fuckton of questions about me to make sure I was good enough for her son. What I had said to Edward about them being nice was true, but she was his mother, and that's what mother's did, didn't they?

"So, you work for my dear friend, Tanya."

"Mm hmm, I really like working with her." _When she's not prying into my personal life, she's great!_

"Such a small world," she said, patting my forearm. "Edward mentioned the two of you have been seeing each other for a few months now."

"Yes, we have. He's wonderful," I answered, preparing myself for the fuckton. I almost felt a little bad for all of the cursing going on inside my head, but if I wasn't closing my eyes because of my nerves, I cursed.

Esme bit the corner of her lip as she looked at me. "I'm almost embarrassed to ask this, but how is he? Is my son happy?"

_That_ I did not expect, and it kind of threw me off balance. Of course, she'd want to know, but she sounded genuinely concerned, and I felt badly for her.

"I think he is, Esme. He makes _me_ very happy."

Esme's smile was comforting, small lines deepening around the corners of her hazel eyes. "That's all his father and I have ever wanted – for him to be happy. My family is my whole life, Bella. I don't know if he's told you, but we adopted him as an infant. I could never carry a baby to term, and Carlisle and I decided to adopt. Edward was a gift, and I've cherished him every day of his life.

"But since the unfortunate incident in Hawaii, he's been distant. We've offered to get him counseling and tried to be supportive as possible, but he's just so darned stubborn!" She laughed at her last words, and I agreed. "When Edward called to say the two of you were coming, he told me you know everything, so I don't think I'm speaking out of turn by talking to you about this… but I wonder if you really do. If you know the amount of guilt he feels."

"I think I have a good idea. If you're referring to his nightmares, I've seen him go through one, and to be completely honest, it scared the hell out of me."

Esme cocked her head. "You know he likes to pretend things are okay even if they're not. He's always been one to shoulder everyone else's responsibility."

"Sure, but what do you mean 'everyone else's responsibility'?"

"Well, Seth for example. What Edward's doing is certainly gallant, but he shouldn't feel accountable for the boy. Don't get me wrong; Edward loves him as though he was family – he's told us this, and his father and I have nothing but admiration for him, but he constantly beats himself up over it. He needs to move on. You'll help him, won't you?"

There was desperation in her voice, and I decided she wasn't as scary as I thought she might be. She was just a concerned mother.

"Of course, I will. I-"

"I've been watching the two of you, always touching, glancing at each other constantly, so aware of the other. But it's the way he looks at you when you're not looking - as if you're a fragile little bird that might fly away if he gets too close… that's not you though, is it?"

"No, I've told him I'm not going anywhere."

She nodded, and we continued to walk at a slow pace toward the pool, the heels of our shoes clicking against the slate path. "I didn't think so. Tanya has spoken very highly of you… and, Bella, speaking of Tanya… I have a confession to make." Esme regarded me carefully as I waited. "I asked her to tell you about Edward."

"Why? H-how did you-"

"She called me, shocked he was in her office having lunch with one of her employees. Tanya said she didn't want to get involved, but I begged her to find out any information she could about the two of you. And being the dear friend she is, she finally agreed. Tanya wasn't going to divulge anything, but then – according to her – you mentioned Edward had moved to be near you, and only doing what I asked, she brought up Emily."

I plopped in the chaise lounge, and Esme sat across from me, nervously wringing her hands. I needed a moment for this to sink in.

"Why?" I asked, furrowing my brow. "Were you hoping to scare me away? I don't understand – it seems a little extreme to me."

"No, dear, it's nothing like that."

"Well, then why? Edward said he and Emily were already not getting along, and, with all due respect, he said you blew their break-up out of proportion."

"I suppose it's possible the two of them were already having troubles, but after the accident Edward became a bit self-destructive. He drank, behaved recklessly, and Emily couldn't deal with it any longer, so she left. Afterward he just took off, and his father and I didn't hear from him for weeks and sometimes months. One night, Carlisle received a call from a hospital in Florida; Edward had been in a car accident. He wasn't drinking, or at least he wasn't charged with driving under the influence, but he was banged up pretty badly. Carlisle and I flew out that night – that was one of the worst nights of my life, Bella. I had no idea the extent of his injuries…" She paused, shaking her head, looking up.

"But when we finally arrived at the hospital, we learned he suffered a concussion and superficial wounds, his nose was broken, and he required a small amount of skin grafting on his lower back. The doctors at the hospital couldn't have known this when they called, of course, because they had to x-ray him to rule out any internal injuries."

Edward's body was not foreign to me, and I didn't remember seeing anything abnormal, save the small scar on his lower back. "Doesn't skin grafting leave a lot scarring?" I asked, hoping she wouldn't be offended by me practically admitting to have seen her son naked.

"Carlisle is very good at what he does," she said, motioning toward her house - well, mansion.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but I still don't understand why you wanted Tanya to tell me about Emily."

"I may not know much about what my son does on a daily basis, but I do know he hasn't been seriously involved with anyone since her – if anyone at all. I'd like to think of myself as a smart woman – call it intuition - the fact that he was there with you several hours from his lake house led me to believe you were more than someone he'd met in passing. I asked Tanya to talk to you for two reasons: one, to see just how involved the two of you were. And two, to make sure you knew exactly what you were getting yourself into."

I shifted in the lounger, still not understanding her reasoning, and I thought she could see that in my face.

"Bella, if Edward took off again because things didn't work out between the two of you, I don't think I could bear getting another phone call that something much worse had happened."

"You can't be sure that it still won't happen, Esme. And besides, Edward has already told me he's not ready for anything like that."

She glanced behind me as she leaned forward, and I could hear Carlisle and Edward talking.

"I'm also a firm believer in fate. I can tell you're in love with my son." I opened my mouth to say something, but she interrupted. "And he's in love with you too."

**A/N: So… do you still hate Tanya? Do you think Esme is the one meddling now? Let me know what you think.**

**Thank you to everyone who reads, adds, reviews, and pm's – you guys are truly encouraging with all of the nice things you say. Sometimes I am fail at replying to reviews, but I do read and appreciate every one of them.**

**One more thing, I wrote a little one shot for the Fun With Your Clothes On contest, and would love it if you checked it out. It's a little different… **

**Link to the contest page:**

**http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/community/Fun_With_Your_Clothes_On_Contest/79678/**

**Link to my one shot:**

**http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5891403/1/Nothing_Else_Matters**

**Hope everyone has a wonderful week, and the next chapter should not take as long - RL is calming down. Askthemagic8ball has recently purchased a cane to use on my ass to make me write faster, so that might help speed things up too.**


	16. I was everything

**A/N: I don't own Twilight, but I do own this plot.**

**There are a few people I'd like to thank who've been very helpful with the last couple of chapters. KarenSanDiego, my new gorgeous friend on the west coast – thank you, bb for researching restaurants and discussing locations in California – and for just being all-around awesome, evilangel6714 for proper guitar terms (I will be calling on you again!), and of course, my betas and very good friends; mac214, sncmom, and askthemagic8ball – they're more helpful than they realize. **

**A while back, askthemagic8ball and I were discussing limericks and poems for some strange reason, and I challenged her to write a limerick about sparkly peens. Her talent is too brilliant to keep all to myself, so there's a little treat for you at the end. This will be one of four. Enjoy!!!**

I watched Carlisle from across the table as he eyed Edward expectantly, as though studying every move he made. It was the same way Esme had been looking at me earlier. I wondered if she shared the news of their son being in love on the drive from their house to the restaurant… _probably_.

Edward was tense, more so than I was when we had first arrived at his parents' home. He squeezed and patted my knee under the table in nervous a rhythm until I laced my fingers through his. He had apologized a few times in the rental car as we followed Carlisle and Esme to Spago - he was sorry Esme had gotten me alone in what he assumed had been an uncomfortable situation. He admitted that was one of the reasons he'd agreed to come on the trip with me - to protect me, for lack of a better word, from their intrusion. I was guessing the other reason was so they wouldn't tell me anything Edward didn't want me to know or, better case scenario and the one I was counting on, anything _he_ wanted to tell me. I didn't share the conversation between Esme and me verbatim, just that she missed him, and kept my thoughts to myself: _Oh, by the way, your mom said you're in love with me. Is she right? See, I'm falling in love with you, and if you could confirm what she said is true it would make things so much easier. We could declare our love – for real this time and not through word vomit, post-piano sex – and live happily ever after_. _So, whaddya say?_

I _did_ tell him she was concerned, like any mother would be. Well, any mother besides my own.

I felt badly thinking that way, but Renee and Esme were so very different from each other. Esme struck me as the kind of mother who would have warm, fresh-baked cookies waiting for their children when they got home from school, whereas Renee would remind me where the oven and refrigerated dough were. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but she'd undoubtedly mention the cookies were either under or over-cooked. I did learn to be self-sufficient though, regardless of the end result.

Sipping my wine, I thought about how I just wanted everyone to go away: Tanya, Esme, Carlisle... Emily. I wanted to spend the weekend with Edward in his lake house – with no one or even the mention of anyone else, just him and me.

I understood where Esme was coming from, and now why Tanya had said the things she had, and even though it had given me a little more insight into Edward, I had an overwhelming urge to push everyone away and shield him.

The server brought our meals – the young, attractive female server who I couldn't help notice gazing at Edward a beat too long for my liking – and placed them in front of us. Edward noticed too. He offered an uncomfortable smile and a quiet thank you and leaned toward me as she set his plate in front of him, practically shoving her breasts in his face.

I squeaked out a small, "Hm" and overdramatically raised my eyebrow. Carlisle's lip twitched while Esme scowled, but they sat harmoniously quiet, waiting for the server to leave.

"So, Edward," Carlisle said, cutting into his steak, "now that you've moved near Bella, are you planning on finding permanent work, or will you still travel back and forth between homes?"

Edward looked toward me and then back at Carlisle. "I haven't really thought about that, Dad. It's only been two weeks, and I'm still not completely moved into the condo."

"I'm sure Tanya would give you a job," Esme said, hopefully.

_Oh, no_. There was no way in hell I'd go for that. Yes, it would be nice to be able to see Edward during the day, but… no. Tanya feeding Esme daily reports? Not happening.

"Esme, I'm sure Edward would not be happy stuck in an office for eight hours a day. Now maybe if she needed a pilot?"

"I don't fly anymore. You know this." Edward gulped down what was left of his vodka and tonic, then mouthed an apology to me.

"That condo needs a lot of work, so I'm sure that will keep you busy for a while," I said, looking at Edward, smiling and squeezing his hand under the table.

So, I lied. The condo was brand new and perfect, but he needed an out.

What would he do while I was at work? I did agree with Carlisle that Edward did not seem like the kind of person to work nine to five everyday, and be happy, but I was guessing Carlisle was fishing for more information about Edward's and my relationship, possibly gauging how serious we were.

Edward had survived occupying himself for the past three years, so I was sure he'd easily find something to do that suited him. If he did get bored, I was sure Emmett would jump at the chance to have Edward work with him at his construction company, considering the man crush he had on him. Edward did have good hands.

That topic was dropped, and the four of us made more small talk. Actually, Carlisle and I discussed meeting his partners the following day while Esme talked about upcoming rehearsals for a Christmas orchestra concert she was involved in. Edward and Esme made plans to spend the afternoon together while I attended meetings. She looked thrilled by this, and there was even a flicker of happiness in Edward's face too. This was good.

We finished our dinner, then dessert – which was amazing. Edward and I shared a Chocolate Purse: ganache wrapped in a crepe with raspberries and sorbet. Esme stifled a laugh when I accidentally let a small moan escape, clearly enjoying the dessert too much. Edward smiled, biting his bottom lip as he regarded me, and I was sure he heard it as more of an orgasmic moan rather than an appreciative one. _Always so horny._

"She likes dessert," Edward snickered.

I nodded, my cheeks felt a little hot. "I haven't had dessert this good for a couple of months now… hint, hint." I elbowed Edward in the arm. Esme smiled, rubbing Carlisle's arm as they looked on.

"I made her pears and chocolate sauce a while back," he explained, winking at me.

_And then sexed me up against the wall._

"Yes, he did, and it was very good." _Very, very good_.

Moments passed, and our table was cleared. Flirty Server Girl asked if we needed anything else, again looking at Edward longer than she should have. I rolled my eyes as Carlisle ordered a round of after-dinner drinks.

Edward shrugged and leaned to whisper in my ear. "What can I say? I'm hot."

I pinched his thigh under the table and he jumped, earning confused expressions from his parents.

Both Esme and I sipped our drinks – amaretto – and she brought up Thanksgiving. It was just a few weeks away, and she asked what our plans were. She offered to reschedule their trip to St. Lucia if Edward and I wanted to fly out for the holiday.

"Thank you, Esme, but I'm going to stay home for Thanksgiving. My mom is…"

"Her mom is sick," Edward interjected, rubbing my knee.

Both Carlisle and Esme's expressions were full of concern.

"I'm so sorry, dear. Is it… serious?"

"Mom," Edward scolded.

Looking at Edward, I told him it was fine and then addressed Esme. "She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer not too long ago. She'd been undergoing chemotherapy for a month, and next week she'll have another CT scan to see if the treatment has done anything." It was like someone else speaking, my tone sounded so robotic in my ears.

"Everything is going to be fine. I'll be right there with you." Edward spoke only to me, as though his parents weren't sitting two feet away.

"Bella, I have connections – colleagues who specialize in both oncology and alternative medicine," Carlisle said. "If you need anything, anything at all, just call me."

I nodded, thanking him, hoping I wouldn't need to call him – hoping the results of the scans would be positive. Carlisle and Esme really were nice people, and not how I'd imagined them to be at all. Not that I thought they would be uptight, rotten parents, but just _different_. It was clear where Edward's kindness came from.

It was awkwardly quiet for a minute before Edward spoke. "I'm going to be with Bella for Thanksgiving, so don't reschedule your trip. I know how much you both enjoy the island."

"You are?" I asked.

"Uh… yeah." His tone was light, and he could have easily replaced the word _yeah_ with _duh_.

The four of us waited for the valet to bring our cars around. Edward and I said goodbye to his parents as a young guy, maybe early twenties, hopped out of the rental and handed the keys to Edward but winked at me.

Edward's face hardened as he glared at the valet, and I laughed. He clicked his tongue, still staring down the valet, and pulled me tightly against him.

"Guess I'm hot, too, huh?"

########

Edward and I lay facing each other in other in the hotel bed, far enough away that I could see his entire face and mop of bronze hair, but close enough that I could see traces of amber around his pupils. His eyes fascinated me the more I stared at them: deep green with even deeper green patterns of lines and flecks in his irises.

"I like your eyes," I said.

"I like yours too."

He didn't say anything else and neither did I as I clutched the blanket to my chest. The only parts of our bodies touching were our tangled feet and calves. We stared at each other for several moments. We were mostly expressionless but a few small grins escaped too.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

I didn't answer right away. Instead, I looked at his lips, then his eyes as I brushed my toe over his ankle. I thought back to our dinner with his parents and how comfortable he was speaking for me when I was uncomfortable at first talking about my mom. And admittedly, I was surprised by just how much I didn't like the feeling not already knowing that we'd spend the holidays together.

It's funny sometimes how quickly things change; how wants and needs can change almost in an instant. _Did his?_

"What?" he asked, grinning as I looked at him, wondering what was going through his mind.

"Did you know favorite ice cream is Edy's Mint Chocolate Brownie? But if I can't find it, then I go for Ben and Jerry's Chubby Hubby, and I like to eat it in a warm bowl so the ice cream gets all melty." Edward shook his head, knitting his brow at my random confession. "I don't know why it always seems like such a significant thing in books and movies for one person to tell the other what their favorite ice cream is, but they do. So there you go. I'd rather watch a movie than read a book, and my favorite movie is _Fly Away Home_. I cry every time I watch it. I like sappy romance movies, but I like action ones too. My favorite kind of music depends on the day. Today I'd like to listen to Corinne Bailey Rae, but tomorrow it might be Staind."

"Bella, why-"

"My favorite color is blue – but you already know this," I said with a smirk, thinking about painting his condo. "I like purple too, but I'd never wear it because it looks horrible on me. I want to learn how to play the guitar, but I have no dexterity or rhythm… _at all_, and I know I'd get all tied up strumming with one hand while trying to find the notes with the other. And I also know I'd just get frustrated and end up quitting anyway, so I never bothered to try. I like dirty jokes and cheap wine and beer, and sometimes I can burp so loudly that I sound like a guy… and I'm proud of that." I shook my head, feeling my face redden at that admission. "If I could, I would get facials, pedicures, and massages weekly… maybe daily... I lost my virginity when I was fifteen to a guy named Eric. It was horrible, and neither of us had ever told anyone. Jake thought I was still a virgin when we started dating, and I let him believe I was because I didn't want him to think less of me. I thought I was in love with him and our relationship was how a marriage was supposed to be."

Edward pursed his lips at the mention of Jake's name. "I really don't want to talk about Jake," he said softly.

"We're not. I'm telling you about me, so shut up and listen." I smiled, and Edward shifted his body a little closer, propping himself up on his elbow, half scowling and half smiling. "I was wrong. Jake and I were more friends than anything else, but now I don't really think of him as a friend either." Edward suddenly looked very content, and I rolled my eyes at him.

I took a deep breath before I continued. "I hated my mom for a long time when she and my dad split up. I had even tried to run away – I was maybe eight or nine and planned to move in with my dad. Emmett found me at the playground behind my elementary school, swinging and crying, my Strawberry Shortcake suitcase lying in the grass next to the swings. I didn't know how to get to my dad's apartment, and our school was only a couple of streets away from our house at the time. He yelled at me for scaring everyone, said our dad had put out an APB, and I cried even harder. Emmett apologized, wrapping his arm around me, and walked me home. When we walked through the front door Renee was crying and she ran over to hug me, practically screaming at me to never do something like that again. When she stopped crying and was convinced I wasn't injured, she told me to go change my shoes because they were too dirty to be inside the house. Sometimes I think she's still hurt because I wanted to be with my dad more than her, like she's retaliating by always having something negative to say about me. Sometimes I feel like that little girl again who's disappointed when her mother says these things, but other times... I get so mad at her. I feel like a jerk, too, because I know I should let those things go, especially now, but I can't."

"Sweetheart," he started, gliding his finger along my jaw, "you were so young and you were hurt – how could she possibly be angry or hold a grudge? Besides, it's normal to get mad at someone for always putting you down, no matter who they are."

Letting go of the blanket, I wrapped my hand around his long fingers and held them between us. "Logically, I know this… now be quiet and let me finish."

Edward leaned over and kissed the tip of my nose. "My apologies."

"When I first saw you, I was pretending to be someone I wasn't. I had decided I could be however I wanted to be: confident, sexy… _slutty_." I laughed. "And you and I would never see each other again – the weekend was just two people burning off steam. I tried to convince myself that meeting you and being with you would only be a fond memory – something that would make me smile every time I thought about it, and I left."

"But you came back," he said and kissed the back of my hand.

"Mm hmm. I was kidding myself by thinking I would only be interested in random weekends with you because now I can't imagine not being able to see you every day."

"I feel the same way, Bella."

"I'm not as strong as you think I am, Edward. In fact, I'm scared a lot of the time. I'm afraid I'll mess up at work, and I pretend to know exactly what I'm doing all of the time. Sometimes I let my emotions get the better of me; I act irrationally. Other times I hold everything in, too afraid to rock the boat, you know?

"_But_… ever since I met you, I'm not so scared anymore – well, except for flying," I quipped.

Edward's lips parted, the corners of his mouth rising slightly, one side a little higher than the other.

"I wish I had known you before." My throat felt dry, tight, and I scrunched my nose to keep from crying. No matter what I did to try to keep the tears at bay, they still welled in the corners of my eyes, and it stung. "I wouldn't have left you, Edward. I would have stayed," I sobbed as Edward hugged me to his chest, whispering that didn't matter, that I was there now.

"You have to know, Edward… you have to know that you can tell me anything. You don't have to be afraid of me and say you're okay if you're really not."

My arms were tucked between us, his wrapped around me as I rubbed the side of my thumb back and forth against his chest. Edward pressed his lips against the top of my head while I cried.

He said, "Shh, baby, shh," over and over again, comforting me when all I wanted to do was comfort him.

"Can I say something?" he asked, his voice a little raspy.

I nodded, but neither of us moved from our position, and I felt… _safe_.

"I like chocolate, plain chocolate ice cream – no fancy names or toppings… just chocolate, but I would like to try your warm bowl technique sometime," he chuckled lightly. "I don't really watch too much television or see many movies – I prefer reading, but I'd watch anything you'd want me to if you'd let me read some of my favorites to you. And even if you didn't want me to read to you, I'd still watch anything you chose. I can teach you how to play the guitar, and I wouldn't let you quit no matter how long it took; I can be patient enough for the both of us because it's something you want to do."

Wiping my cheeks with the pads of my fingers, Edward lightly stroked my back and twirled my hair. "You would?" I asked.

"Yeah, you have no idea what I'd do for you… now you need to be quiet so I can finish."

"Sorry."

"Shh." I could feel him smiling against me. "You've already heard _some_ of my taste in music, but mostly I like the quiet. I could sit on my deck at the lake house for hours and just listen to nothing. I drink Heineken and expensive wine, although your Two Buck Chuck isn't so bad, and I highly doubt you could burp louder than me. I lost my virginity when I was fourteen to a girl who was sixteen - her name was Tia. I thought it was the most amazing thing I'd ever done in my life… until her boyfriend found out and gave me a black eye."

Edward's chest rumbled as he laughed quietly, and I tilted my head back to look at him.

"You were a player in middle school?"

"High school," he clarified. "But for all of five minutes."

Leaning down to kiss me, his hand cupped my cheek - he tasted like mint. Edward moved his body so we faced each other again, looking at me for several moments, sweeping my hair away from my face.

He licked his bottom lip before pulling it between his teeth as I waited for him to say something. The longer he remained silent, the faster my heart beat. I wasn't sure if my reaction was from him being hesitant, and I was nervous, or if it was because I'd just poured my heart out to him and now he was doing the same.

"Emily wanted to get married, and I didn't - we lived together for about a year. I wasn't lying when I told you we were already having problems before we broke up. She was jealous of how much attention I gave Seth and accused me more than once of sleeping with Claire.

"Bella, I never cheated on her - I'm not that kind of person - I just never saw myself marrying her. Nevertheless, that didn't justify how I treated her after the accident: I was really cruel to her." Edward chewed at the inside of cheek, and I looked at him, my brow furrowed, having a very hard time imagining him ever being that way to anyone.

"Edw-"

"Trust me, I was. No one really knows what happened between us… I accused her of being happy that Claire was dead, and she didn't have to be jealous anymore. There was a lot of screaming and yelling between us – name calling. It wasn't pretty. She didn't deserve how I treated her.

"About a month after she had left I tried to contact her to apologize. She changed her phone number; her parents wouldn't tell me where she was – nothing. Who could blame them really? Do you remember me telling you what I did before I bought the lake house?"

Nodding, I replied, "Yeah, you said you had spent some time in England and Ireland, and you just sort of went here and there. Why?"

Edward drew in a deep breath as he sat up, running his hand through his hair. He smiled awkwardly as I sat up to face him. "Okay… the reason I ended up buying the lake house was because I was tired of not having a permanent place to call home. I didn't want to live here in California again – I needed to be away from my parents, and there was no way I was going to go back to Hawaii."

"Okay…"

"But I still wanted some sort of familiarity."

He was hesitating again. He kept looking between me and his hands. "Edward, just spit it out."

"Emily's aunt lives about an hour outside Smith Mountain Lake, and we came out for her seventieth birthday. Her family flew in from different places - they made a long weekend out of it. Long story short, they rented a house on the lake, I remembered how much I liked the area, so I went back a couple of years later, bought the house, and after living there for a year, I met you."

"Were you, um… hoping you'd see her?" I asked tentatively. In some strange way, it made sense that he'd want to be in a familiar place. But it didn't make me feel any better that he'd settled in a place that reminded him of her.

"No, not really. It wasn't like that, I swear. I didn't pine after her at all. There was just a serenity the lake offered that I needed at the time," he said thoughtfully. "I haven't seen her, and I don't care to."

I worried my bottom lip, but I believed him. Any insecurity I felt mere seconds before had vanished as I looked at him.

Edward scooted closer, removing the blanket, and guided me so I straddled him. Fixing his eyes on my neck, he trailed his index finger slowly, starting at the bottom of my throat, down between my breasts and over my stomach.

Resting his palms on my thighs, he looked back at me. "If you were there, when it happened, I wouldn't have let you go." Edward lifted my nightgown by the hem, slipping it over my head and arms and set it down on the bed. "You," he whispered, cupping my face in his hands, bringing his mouth to mine, "are everything to me now."

Our tongues stroked together as we removed what little clothes we were wearing. We moved slowly, unselfishly, as we touched each other's skin, fully aware of the other's wants and needs.

_I want you._

I slid down on his erection, squeezing my muscles around him each time I lifted and lowered my pelvis. He felt so good, filling me with him. He felt so right – he'd always felt that way, but now… it was just him and me, and I realized I didn't need to go to any one place, like his lake house, to feel like this with him, to feel like nothing else mattered, or to escape anyone or anything.

_He_ was all I needed.

_I need you._

Edward's hands traveled down my back firmly but gently, bringing them up my sides until he reached my breasts. He circled his thumbs around my nipples and dipped his head, sucking and nibbling one and then the other.

I cradled his head in my arms, nuzzling my nose, and then pressing my lips to the top of his head.

"You taste so good."

"Mmm," I moaned as he sucked harder.

He moved one hand to the back of my neck and the other to the small of my back as he released my nipple. I leaned down to kiss him again, holding his face in my hands.

"Everything," he whispered as I lowered myself again.

"Yes," I answered, my breath coming faster.

Edward rolled us so that he was on top, and I wrapped my thighs around his hips, my feet latching together. He thrust his hips slowly and deeply, and my hands moved back to his face, my thumbs gliding across his cheeks.

"All of you," he panted between kisses.

"All of me."

_I love you._

Our eyes locked on each other's, and my heart thrummed inside my chest as my climax built. I could feel my lips quiver, staring at his green eyes – my body was so tight and hot the closer I got to my orgasm. My breathing was erratic, but we weren't moving any faster.

Edward pushed himself in as deep as he could go and grasped onto the sheets with one hand, holding my face with the other.

"Only us. Just you."

I nodded, gazing at his bright green eyes. Mine fluttered as I came. Edward stilled, coming soon after.

He smiled at me, one that would light up an entire room or melt everyone in said room because it was so genuine and beautiful. And as if it were even possible, my heart beat faster.

"Everything," he said quietly as though talking to himself. His smile didn't falter as his eyes traveled my face before finding mine again.

"It's you," he whispered, kissing me, his lips soft and warm. "It will always be you, Bella, always you... I love you."

Emotion overtook me; deep, unrelenting emotions surfaced in smiles and tears from his confession. Holding his face, his beautiful face full of sincerity and honesty and love, I brought his mouth to mine and kissed him.

"Tell me again," I said between kisses.

"I love you," he said, laughing.

"One more time," I whispered, beaming, my entire body shaking beneath his.

"I love you." He kissed me again, "I love you," and again. Edward lifted his head, gazing and smiling at me. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too."

Funny how quickly things change.

**A/N: Soooooooo??? Huh, huh?? Finally, a true declaration. Sigh… I'm happy for these two.**

**Okay, a little bit 'o news… Nothing Else Matters made it to the final round – THANK YOU!!!!! If you liked the one shot – even thought I colored outside the lines a little with the angst – the second round of voting is open until May 5. Link: ****http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2291087/FunWithYourClothesOn**

**Thank you, as always, to everyone who reads, adds, and reviews. Maybe it's all the love floating around, but I do get a little giddy every time I read a review or Hints gets added to another reader's list of favorites or alerts… thank you. **

**And finally, Askthemagic8ball's limerick for everyone to enjoy: **

_**Ode to Sparkly Peen**_

_**There once was a vamp from Nantucket,**_

_**His cock was so grand, you would suck it.**_

_**He said with a grunt,**_

_**"I do love some cunt,**_

_**But show me your ass, I will fuck it."**_


	17. I made plans

**A/N: I don't own Twilight, however I do own this plot. Please do not copy or steal as your own. Seems there's a lot of that going on lately.**

**Thank you to my prereaders and betas Mac214, Katinki, Askthemagic8ball, and Sncmom. Those four ladies are worth more to me than Diet Coke – and that's saying a lot.**

**So sorry for the long delay, but here it is, and I hope you enjoy.**

**###**

"Morning." Edward's arms were already wrapped around me, but he held me closer after he woke.

"Morning," I replied quietly with a stupid grin on my face. He was so warm, so strong, and I felt small in his arms as if they were made solely to fit me. I inwardly rolled my eyes because I knew I was being overly mushy, but I didn't care... I was just so _happy_.

Edward nuzzled his nose in my hair, then swept it away from my ear. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too."

It was Sunday morning, although I had no idea what time it was. Our hotel room was still dark, however that could just have been because the heavy curtains were drawn tightly together. Our flight wasn't until late afternoon, so I wasn't too worried about the time.

The day before, Edward had shown me around the city, taking me to touristy spots like Grauman's Chinese Theater, which was actually kind of cool. We had walked on the beach, and by the afternoon we'd decided to order room service for dinner. The two of us wanted to be alone. The rest of Saturday night we talked over wine and shrimp and chocolate cake. We talked more than we ever had, and it was so easy. Edward told me how he thought he'd like to fill his days, like being a silent investor in a socially, responsible company – one that gave back to the community. He admitted he missed flying. He also said he'd never let me go.

"I want to go away with you - just us and no one else." Edward's lips pressed against my neck, and I squeezed his arm. "What do you say? We can go to a quiet beach or get a cabin in the mountains for a week… anywhere you want to go. I just want it to be us."

Threading my fingers through his, I brought them to my mouth and kissed the back of his hand. I wanted to. I could easily spend a week, or a month - or even forever like this. No interruptions or work or… "I can't think of anything else I'd rather do, but-"

Edward moved us so he was almost lying on top of me. "I know you need to be around for your mom, and you have your job, but I can't help wanting you all to myself. I'm greedy like that." He smiled coyly before leaning in to kiss me.

"Okay. A cabin in the mountains when it snows. A huge fireplace with an enormous bearskin rug in front of it."

"A bearskin rug?"

I nodded as he subtly shifted completely on top of me. He brushed his unshaven chin along the crook of my neck, followed by the tip of his tongue, and I broke out in goose bumps.

"Yes," I answered as he began to grind his hips. His erection pushed against me, and I moved my hand down, positioning him so he could easily slide in. "Hot chocolate with marshmallows, woodland creatures scampering around outside, all of that."

Edward kissed me again, clearly not caring about morning breath, and I was glad because all I wanted to do was taste his lips after he smiled crookedly at my silly request. "God, I love you. Anything you want… anything at all."

###

The week passed quickly without incident. Edward's furniture was delivered to his condo shortly after we arrived home, and I ended up staying there to help get things arranged. Work was slow, but that was to be expected. This time of year had always been quiet, as our customers had already ordered what they needed for the upcoming holidays. We'd get busy again right after Christmas for the spring season.

Tanya had gone back to her normal self and said nothing more about Edward or his parents. She'd only asked, "Everything good?" to which I'd replied, "Perfect." And that had been that. Jasper had mentioned his band was playing that weekend, and Edward and I had promised to go.

By far, the best thing that happened during the week, besides being totally and completely blissed out with Edward, had been the news Renee received from her oncologist. She called Emmett and me and asked if we could both come to her house after we finished work.

"So, I have news… it's good," Renee announced.

Emmett looked at me and then back at Renee. "Yeah? What's the verdict, Mom?"

Renee sat in her oversized chair, and Phil sat on the arm of it. The two of them glanced at each other before he gave her an encouraging smile and then got up to leave the room. He had always been a man of few words, but I thought it odd that he'd just get up to leave.

"Well, the tumor on my pancreas hasn't grown, and there doesn't seem to be any signs of it metastasizing."

"That's great, Mom!" I said. "So now what? Do they want you to go through another round of chemo, or will they use radiation too?"

Renee smiled, shaking her head. "No," she started, clearing her throat, "they want to do surgery."

"When? What are the risks? Are you okay with that?" Emmett rambled, and Renee looked at me.

"That's a good color on you, sweetheart. You should wear more pink."

I cocked my head, a little surprised at her compliment. I wasn't used to her saying nice things to me without accompanying them with something negative. I shrugged it off though, assuming she was equally as happy as I was for both the same and separate reasons: hers being that she now had hope and mine from that and Edward.

"Thanks, Mom. So… when?"

"You seem really happy, Bella. Edward is good for you, isn't he?"

Emmett and I looked at each other confused. For a second I wondered if she'd had a glass or two of wine before we came over; she was really calm.

"I am, and he is, Mom. Now what did the doctor say? When do they want to do surgery?"

"Not until after Thanksgiving, early December. They haven't set a specific date yet."

Emmett asked again about risks and other things, but Renee said she wasn't sure at this point. She wasn't too sure about anything, and would get all of that information when she had her appointment the following week.

I watched her for a few moments as she sat in the chair, adjusting the multi-colored scarf wrapped around her head. She was still frail looking, her skin dull. Sadly, the lotions I'd given her hadn't seemed to make much of a difference, but she looked serene, almost content. I took this as a good thing.

Phil came back in the room, offering her a glass of water. Renee accepted and turned back to Emmett and me. "We should celebrate, don't you think? Over Thanksgiving we'll have a huge feast and invite everyone. Charlie and Sue, and maybe Rose's parents can fly in too."

"Absolutely!" Emmett bellowed.

"Yeah, I think that'd be great. I'll talk to Rose, and the two of us can cook everything."

"No way! I'm fully capable of cooking too," Renee said. Her voice sounded a little raw, and I guessed it might have felt that way too because she took a couple of large gulps of water.

The three of us discussed the details a little more, divvying up the menu before we said goodbye.

I hadn't seen Edward since early that morning, and when I arrived at his condo, something seemed different about the place, but I couldn't quite tell what. There were two plates on the breakfast bar, and the condo was dimly lit low lights, and a few candles.

"Hey, gorgeous," he said, kissing me on top of my head. "Judging by the look on your face, I'm going to guess things went well?"

I nodded, taking a seat as he filled our plates with pasta from the take-out place around the corner from his building. "You're so thoughtful. Thank you," I said, referring to dinner. I could definitely get used to this.

I explained what Renee had told Emmett and me and about Thanksgiving. Edward thought it was a great idea and suggested I call Carlisle if I had any questions about the surgery that Renee might not be able to answer. I put that idea in my back pocket for the time being because things were good, and Renee was good. There was no need to start thinking about bad scenarios or anything else right now.

"Did you not notice anything when you came in?" Edward took a pull from his beer, snickering. "You really should be more aware of your surroundings, Swan."

Picking up our empty plates, I turned around, nearly dropping them on the floor. "Holy shit, Edward! When did you get that?"

I quickly dumped the plates in the sink and made a bee-line toward the monstrous flat screen mounted on the wall.

"Today. I figured if you're going to make me watch sappy movies with you, we'd need to do it the right way."

Practically squealing, I quickly found the remote and turned on the television. The color and clarity was amazing – so much better than the television I had at my house. "Are you hating on my TV?" I teased as he rolled his eyes. "This is awesome."

I flopped on the couch and sped through the channels faster than any typical guy would until Edward took the remote out of my hand, sitting down next to me. He pressed one of the buttons and smiled. "This better be good."

"What?" I asked as he nodded toward the television. The opening credits appeared, along with the familiar music. _Of course_, I thought as my favorite movie played. I shook my head. "I love you… thank you."

"Good, because you're stuck with me, and you're welcome."

Out of my periphery, I could see Edward watching me, grinning, as I blinked and squeezed my eyes to keep from crying during certain parts of the movie. I nudged him with my shoulder, and he smiled, then kissed my temple. But by the end I couldn't help it, and a few tears escaped anyway, running down my cheeks. Anyone would cry when Anna Paquin's character flew the ultralight without her dad's help in order to get her geese to their destination.

"Did you like it?" I asked, getting up to turn on a light. When I turned toward Edward he quickly dropped his hand from his face, and his eyes were just a little red. "Are you… crying?" I laughed.

"No!"

"You are!"

Edward touched the corner of his eye with his finger and smiled. "I'm not! I just have something in my eye."

I clucked my tongue and walked over to him. Climbing onto his lap, I cupped his face, straddling him. "Oh, Cullen," I sighed, "so sensitive. And such a liar."

Leaning back into the couch, he grabbed my hips. "I'm not sensitive. I'm all man, and I don't cry at chick flicks."

I bit my bottom lip, centering myself over his crotch. "It's really okay to be in touch with your feminine side, you know. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Lots of men are proud to be metrosexual."

Edward laughed as he pulled me by my hips, rubbing me against him. "What the hell are you talking about? I am not a metrosexual, which I don't even think is relative to this conversation."

"Well, you know… you've got the nice clothes and pretty hair… I just thought," I continued baiting him and shrugged, "it went hand and hand with your sensitivity."

"You have no idea what you're getting yourself into. Bedroom. Now."

"Why? Did you get some new clothes today you want to show me?" Edward pinched my side, and giggles bubbled out of me.

His jaw dropped, but he laughed as he wrapped his arms around my waist and bottom, standing up abruptly. "You're in for it now, Swan."

Edward had his hands on my ass, and I held on to his neck, wrapping my legs around his waist as he walked us into the bedroom and then dumped me on the bed – his very large bed with a very soft mattress.

Within seconds we'd stripped off our clothes, and I was lying on my back watching Edward as he stood at the foot of the bed. He pursed his lips, eyeing me with contemplation before finally crawling on top of me. His knees were on either side of me, and he gingerly picked up my hand.

"I love these," Edward said, kissing and sucking the tips of my fingers. "And this." He pressed his lips to the inside of my wrist. "This. Do you like it when I do this?" he asked, kissing the crook of my elbow with an open mouth.

"Mm hmm." I nodded, a lazy smile spread across my lips.

"I love this, too," he said, sliding his tongue and lips over my bicep.

"I love you," I said.

Edward continued his soft kisses up my arm, bracing himself with his hands against the mattress until he reached my shoulder. "I hope you always will." He shifted, licking and nibbling my collar bone, moving to my other shoulder.

I dragged my fingers down his stomach, stopping at the trail of sparse hair below his navel, and twirled my fingers in it. "I like this."

"Do you?" His voice was seductively low.

"Mmm hmm. The trail to euphoria? Yeah, I really like that."

Edward's body shook lightly with laughter, his mouth pressed against my bicep, and I circled the tip of his erection with my finger. "Euphoria, huh?" he mused as he twitched in my hand.

"Your cock is most definitely euphoric," I stated, stroking said cock. "Especially when it's in my pussy." My jaw dropped; I never said pussy out loud, but it just sort of fell out.

Edward's head shot up, his eyebrow quirked, and he brought his face close to mine. "That's a dirty mouth you've got there, Swan." He bit my bottom lip before sliding his tongue into my mouth.

"What are you gonna do about it, Cullen?" Although foreplay is nice, I really didn't need it at the moment.

His knee was now between my legs, and I rubbed myself against him unapologetically, stroking him firmly. "I might have to fuck that mouth."

_Shit_.

"Shit," I breathed.

"But first," he said, taking my hands and holding them above my head, "I'm going to fuck your body with my mouth."

_Fuck. Me._

"I want to know every inch of you," he whispered, his lips against my ear. Edward glided his hands lightly down my arms. "I want to know what turns you on, what you respond to…" His hands slowly traveled down my sides, and I shivered, grabbing onto a spindle of the headboard. "…what makes you wet." Edward held my wrists in one hand, sliding his other hand between my legs. "Raise your knees," he commanded quietly and then slowly rubbed his fingers around my lips and clit as I did what he asked.

Edward looked at me and half-smiled before lowering his head toward my breast. With the flat of his tongue, he licked my nipple, then circled it with the tip. I arched my back as his mouth and fingers worked in tandem, and his grip on my wrists tightened when I attempted to move them. I wanted to grab onto his pretty hair.

"Jesus, Edward." My body was on fire, my skin tingling, and I bucked my hips into his hand.

"You like that too?" I nodded in response. Edward let go of my wrists and brought his other hand to his mouth, sucking me off his fingertips. "So do I."

I really needed him inside me before combusting, but as I reached for him he moved to the bottom of the bed, situating himself between my feet.

"You're a tease," I said, propping myself on my elbows as he brought my ankle to his lips.

"Am I?" Edward asked innocently, cocking his head before kissing my ankle and then calf with an open mouth. "I thought I was a sensitive metrosexual."

"If I apologize, will you please stop teasing me?"

Edward shook his head then licked the back of my knee. "Damage is done, Swan. And like I said," he lowered his body, hooking my leg over his shoulder, then pressing his cheek to my thigh, "I'm going to find out what drives you crazy." Edward grazed his teeth along the skin of my thigh, licking and lightly biting. "Lie back."

I did, taking in a deep breath and grabbing hold of the headboard with one hand. With my other hand, I twirled his hair between my fingers. I was trying to be good and not pounce on him, but it was getting hard. As he made his way up my thigh with his mouth, his fingers dug into the flesh of my hip, and I closed my eyes. My nipples were even harder now, my pulse throbbing between my legs. I moaned softly when I felt the tip of his tongue at my entrance. He took one long, slow lick along my sex, then circled my clit languorously, and I sucked in a breath between my teeth, tightening my grips on the headboard and his hair.

"Edward," I whispered. My mouth was parted slightly, and I swept my tongue along my bottom lip.

"Not yet, baby," he replied quietly, gently removing my hand from his hair and placing it over my pussy. "Touch yourself." Again, I followed his command. "You have no idea how fucking sexy you are right now."

Edward sucked and licked as I flicked my clit. He reached his other hand toward my breast and began to knead, then rolled my nipple between his long fingers. I raised my hips toward his mouth - his fucking incredible mouth – as my orgasm built. Jesus, I was about to explode, and he must hvae sensed it, wanting to tease me more because he removed my hand and his mouth and began kissing down my other thigh.

_Fuck_.

"You're not very nice," I groaned. Didn't he need to release? His cock was visibly hard, looking ginormous.

"But you love me."

"Yes."

"Forever?"

I paused, still aching for him to be inside me, needing him to be inside me, and replied, "Yes."

Edward stayed true to his word, continuing to fuck my body with his mouth, and kissed me wetly along my hips, over my stomach, dipping his tongue into my navel. He trailed his lips up my ribs and between my breasts; my skin literally felt singed from where his mouth had been. "Can I touch you?" I asked.

"If you do, I might come right now," he admitted before sucking my nipple into his mouth. I didn't care - I needed to touch him - and reached down, wrapping my hand around the base of his dick and slowly stroked. Edward sighed, moaning with my nipple in his mouth. "Bella," he breathed and moved to lie on top of me, bracing himself against the mattress. He glided the tip of his nose along my jaw and whispered, "Fuck me."

Edward rolled us, scooting back so he sat against the headboard, and cupped my face. As I slid on top of him he brought my face to his and kissed me. The feel of him inside me was better than it had ever had been before. Maybe it was the anticipation or the foreplay, perhaps a combination of both… I didn't know. I could taste myself on his lips and tongue as I moved up and down, and each time I lowered myself he went deeper. Edward threaded his hand through my hair and held the back of my neck. We didn't stop kissing as his other hand moved to my hip, once again digging into my flesh, guiding me faster and harder.

I clenched around his euphoric cock each time I lifted my hips and slammed my hand against the wall, squeezing the hell out of his hair with the other. He didn't complain. We grunted and moaned against each others' mouths until finally every muscle in my body tightened. I felt lightheaded, and I pressed my forehead against Edward's. I sank down on him completely, and he continued to move my hips roughly against him.

"Edward… I," I grunted, trembling and shaking as I peaked. Edward didn't stop moving me, and our bodies had become covered in a thin sheen of sweat. I finally released, yelling a few incoherent words, but he didn't stop moving me. Gripping onto the top of the headboard with both hands, another orgasm hit me fast and hard.

"Mm hm," was all he said.

Edward groaned, and it had to be the sexiest sound I'd ever heard as he stilled, holding me tightly in place. He pulsated inside me, and slowly, I rubbed against him, my legs and arms shuddering.

"I love you," I whispered before kissing him.

"I love you too, Bella."

Moments later we showered together, and I was exhausted. I felt like rubber, and it was all I could do to keep my eyes open. But watching Edward and the way tiny soap bubbles slid down his chest helped. His hair was soaked, but stuck out all over the place… he was beautiful.

I inhaled the scent bar of soap I held in my hands – it was his sage scent. "I want a few of these at my house."

"What, the soap?" I nodded, and we switched places so I was now under the spray. "Why?"

"Because it smells like you… or you smell like this… whichever."

"Do you want to smell like me? Is that what you're saying?" he asked, laughing.

"No, well, sort of." I rolled my eyes, realizing how strange I sounded.

"I have a couple of bars under the sink you can have. They're specifically made to have a calming effect. So, why do you want to smell like me?"

"It's just that when I can't be with you I'm going to miss you."

"Why wouldn't you be with me?" he asked, his brow furrowing in confusion.

"Aren't you going to Hawaii around Christmas to see Seth?"

Edward chewed at the inside of his cheek. "Yeah, I almost forgot about that… come with me." He raised his eyebrows and pulled his bottom lip in by his teeth.

"I don't know if I can. I mean-"

He stepped toward me, wrapping his arms around my waist. "You said work is slow from now until after the holidays. Come with me. We'd only be gone for a few days. Come on."

His green eyes were so bright and clear, not an ounce of doubt in them. How could I say no? "Okay. But can we still do the cabin in the woods thing too sometime?"

"You really should just quit your job. It would make things so much easier. We could travel wherever we want, sleep in whenever we wanted…"

"You've tried to tempt me with that before, but it still won't work. I like what I do."

Edward reached behind me and turned off the water. We stepped out, each grabbing a towel. "One day, Swan."

I couldn't wait to get into bed and go to sleep. If I said I was drained, that would have been an understatement. Within minutes of settling under the covers, Edward's breathing slowed, and the arm he draped over my side suddenly felt heavy. It didn't take long for me to follow.

###

Edward and I took a cab to the bar where Jasper's band was playing. It was a small, out of the way place yet not too far from where we lived.

I glanced down at my watch; Jasper was due to go on in about thirty minutes. Edward twined his fingers through mine as we made our way through the small crowd and found an open table near the stage. Jasper and a few others - two guys and one girl - were on stage tuning instruments, checking the mics, and whatever else bands did before they performed.

Jasper spotted us and waved as a waitress approached our table.

"Two Heinekens," Edward said to her then looked at me. "Are you hungry?"

I shook my head. We'd just eaten a couple of hours ago, but after a few beers I knew I'd want something to eat. "Maybe later."

Jasper approached the mic, guitar in hand, and thanked everyone for coming out. By the time the band finished the first song, people began to flock toward the stage. Well, girls in tight jeans and tee shirts had. I laughed at how Jasper interacted with them, flirting, singing right to them. He was so different at work: quiet and serious. The girls were practically swooning over him. He was definitely getting teased on Monday.

As soon as I finished a beer, another appeared, and I wasn't too sure if I was on my third or fourth, but it was definitely later. I tried to get the waitress' attention to order some food. Edward noticed I wasn't having any luck and suggested he just go to the bar to order something for us.

He was wearing jeans that hugged his ass perfectly and a button down, white shirt – the sleeves rolled up just over his forearms. I rolled my eyes at one blonde who whispered in her friend's ear, then pointed at Edward as he passed them. They both turned toward me, and I mouthed, "Nice, right?" Alcohol had always given me a little extra courage, and I couldn't help but taunt them.

The red headed friend of the blonde boldly pointed to her ring finger on her left hand, and I was pretty sure she said, "Are you married to him?"

_Really?_

I stared at her incredulously and yelled, "Yeah!" The two shrugged and walked away.

"What was that all about?" someone asked, but it wasn't Edward.

_Shit_.

"Jake. What are you doing here?" I didn't know why, but just the sight of him made my skin crawl. It had been several weeks since I'd last seen him, and now I just looked at him differently. What I had once felt for Jake was nothing compared to how I felt about Edward.

"I'm here with some friends. Is that okay with you?" he scoffed, clearly offended.

Okay, maybe I did sound a little rude.

"Um, sure… sorry. How've you been?"

"Leah and I broke up."

And I cared because? "That's too bad, Jake." I looked around for Edward and saw his back as he leaned against the bar, talking to the bartender.

"I see you're still with your boyfriend," he said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Mm hmm."

"How's that going? Is he treating you good?"

"Yeah, Jake, he is. Everything's great."

Suddenly, I felt Edward's hands on my shoulders. "Jake," he said, standing behind me, sounding really annoyed.

Jake simply nodded, giving Edward a dirty look. "Catch you later, Bella."

"You okay?" Edward asked, sliding his chair closer to mine after Jake walked away.

"I'm fine. You don't need to worry about him, you know."

Edward picked up my hand, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. "I'm not – I just don't like him very much."

"I think I like it when you get jealous," I teased and leaned over to kiss him.

Edward smiled against my mouth as the waitress appeared, interrupting us by sliding a plate of potato skins on the table and another two beers. We thanked her, and then Jasper made an announcement the band was going to take a fifteen minute break.

I had a mouthful of potato that had way too much cheese on it, but it still tasted good – grease and everything – when Jasper pulled out a chair at our table. Two of the people in his band followed him, sitting along side him.

"Are you guys having a good time?" Jasper asked, and three amber-colored drinks appeared before them. "Thanks, Gianna."

"No problem, Jazz. Can I get you anything else?" Gianna asked, shoving out her boobs as she rested her hand on her boney hip.

Jasper smiled and winked at her, and then she just skipped away.

"Who are you?" I teased. "Quite the player, aren't you?"

Jasper laughed, ignoring my question, introducing Edward and me to his band mates, Peter and Charlotte.

The five of us talked and laughed for a little while, and I realized I hadn't peed since we got there. My bladder suddenly felt as though it was going to overflow, and I excused myself to go to the bathroom, praying there wouldn't be a line.

Luckily, the line was relatively short, but I still practically ran into the stall when it became free.

I was playing with my nails, looking down as I walked back to the table, and a pair of scuffed hiking boots stepped in front of me, stopping me mid-stride.

_Fucking, Jake._

"I really miss you," he said, and even though _I_ had been drinking, I could still smell the stench of alcohol coming off him.

"What?" I tried to move around him, but he stopped me, grabbing onto my shoulders.

"Let's try again. Come on, Bella, I really miss you."

"Go home, Jake." I broke out of his grip, shoving myself around him, and looked for Edward. I could barely see him sitting at the table, talking to Peter and Jasper.

Jake grabbed my arm and swung me back around. "We were married for ten years, B. Don't you think we deserve a second chance?"

"No, I really don't. Please let me go." I was getting really angry with him. I'd forgotten how much of an ass he could be.

Jake looked over my shoulder and then back at me, and a wide smile spread across his lips. "For old time's sake."

"What are you-" He pulled me to him, practically smashing his mouth on mine. I pushed and hit at him as hard as I could, but he was too strong. His mouth was slobbery; it was like kissing a dog. I wanted to throw up.

I yelled against his mouth for him to stop and pinched at any skin I could get a hold of through his clothes. Before I realized what happened, I was jerked forward, and Jake stumbled about a foot away. Edward held Jake by his jacket with one hand, the other connected with his face.

Gasping, I covered my mouth with my hands – completely shocked, and admittedly really turned on. Jake lay on his back on the filthy floor of the bar, covering his nose as blood seeped down his face.

"You broke my fucking nose, motherfucker!" Jake scrambled to get up, blood pouring over his chin through his hands.

Edward turned toward me. "Are you okay?" I nodded, and he turned back to Jake. "Don't you ever fucking touch her again. Clear?" His voice was so calm and powerful – it was sexy as hell.

"Fuck you!" Jake spat and walked toward the bathroom.

Everyone in the bar stared at us, and everything was quiet until Jasper got on the mic, announcing they were starting their second set. The crowd quickly forgot about the drama, and people went back to whatever they were doing before.

I looked down at Edward's hand; his knuckles were swollen and red smattered with small cuts. "You're bleeding. Does it hurt?" I asked, holding his hand in mine. Gianna rushed over with a towel full of ice, but Edward waved her away. He was pissed. His eyes were dark as he glared toward the direction Jake had gone.

"No, it's fine. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I am. You have blood on your shirt too."

Edward took in a deep breath and shrugged. "It's just a shirt."

I smiled as I stared at him.

"What?" he asked, his face softening a bit.

"We need to go home, like right now." Who knew that one fantastically gratifying punch could be such a turn on?

"Are you sure? My hand is fine."

"Mm hmm." Hooking my fingers through his belt loops, I pulled him toward me and said, "If we don't get out of here now, I'm going to have to fuck you right here."

Edward didn't say anything, instead he reached in his pocket, pulled out his wallet, and handed the bartender a few twenties as I waved goodbye to Jasper.

Edward - my fucking hero - led me toward the door, his arm tightly and protectively wrapped around me, into the cold night air. Little did he know that in another twenty minutes, I was going to show him just how much of a hero I thought he was.

**###**

**Thank you so much for reading – I really hope is was worth the wait. **

**As promised in my last post, another limerick by Askthemagic8ball. **

**Fingers**

**There once was a man, double-jointed;**

**But lord don't you be disappointed.**

**He could hook them just right**

**To bring stars to your sight.**

**I swear he should get them anointed**.


	18. OUTTAKE Post Bar fight

**Disclaimer: I **_**still**_** don't own Twilight. **

**If you read the title, then you know this is only an outtake. Yes, there is another 'story' on my profile that's only outtakes of Hints, however… this is an exception. The next chapter, **_**I got high**_**, is almost completed, but because of the content, I want to make sure I get it just right. So, right about now you're probably wondering why I'm boring you with all of this. **

**Late last week, I decided to jump on the bandwagon for the Fandom Gives Back and because the auction ends this coming Saturday, July 3, I wanted to make sure to get the word out. As I'm sure you're aware FGB supports Alex's Lemonade Stand; a foundation organized to fight childhood cancer. The link to my auction is on my profile page. So instead of sending out the next chapter poorly written or just an A/N, I wrote up the post-bar fight from chapter 17 in Edward's POV. This wasn't planned to be included in the next chapter, so… Hope you enjoy. My auction item details are after the outtake.**

**#########**

On the ride home in the cab Bella surreptitiously glanced at me out of the corner of her eye every few minutes. Each time she smirked just a little. She held the hand I hit her ex with as if she was holding something fragile. Truth was, my knuckles did hurt, not much, but they did nonetheless.

It was worth it – breaking that asshole's nose. _Jackass_. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. In that moment, it took every ounce of restraint I had not to wale on him more, but I knew that would have scared the hell out of Bella, not to mention the police would have been called, and that would have ruined the night.

When I was sitting at the table with Jasper and Peter waiting for Bella to come back from the bathroom, the three of us had fallen into a conversation about Peter's small advertising company. He wanted to expand but didn't have the financial resources to do so. We really didn't have too much time to get into all the details because they were due back on stage in a few minutes, but what he had to say intrigued me.

Bella had been gone for a little while by this point, and when I turned my head to see if she was coming back, I saw her talking to Jake. That didn't bother me. What did bother me was what he did when she tried to walk away from him. The overgrown fucker grabbed her arm then swung her around to face him after she'd tried to walk away.

That pissed me off. No one touches her like that. _No one._

So I stood up and told Jasper and Peter I'd be right back. Jake saw me walking toward them, looked me right in the eye, and smiled. The fucker smiled.

That pissed me off even more.

I knew what he was going to do, even before he kissed her. It was the cocky look he had on his face; the same one he had when the two of us had waited at Bella's house for her to come home from the hospital weeks ago.

I had no intention of doing anything to him, not until he forced himself on her. Right before my fist connected to his face, all I could see was red. Something inside of me just _snapped_.

"How's your hand?" Bella asked quietly for the third or fourth time, looking up at me from under her lashes. I had to chuckle because she was so damn cute. Who knew she'd have the kind of reaction she did?

As I flexed and clenched my hand, I smiled back at her. "It's fine." She grinned widely and looked out of the cab's window. "What?"

"Nothing." Bella turned back toward me and nodded toward the driver and mouthed "Shh," as she shook her head slightly.

We hadn't said anything that couldn't have been overheard by anyone else without embarrassment, but I had a feeling from what she'd mentioned in the bar earlier about wanting to fuck me might have been on the tip of her tongue. Thinking about that had miraculously made the pain in my knuckles disappear.

Moments later the cab pulled up to my building, and as soon as we entered the elevator, Bella grabbed my shirt, pulling me toward her and plunged her tongue into my mouth. I walked her back, my hands holding onto her face, and pinned her against the elevator wall. God she was soft. I loved kissing her; her lips were full and sweet and her tongue was just…

Bella hitched her leg around mine, pulling me further into her, her hands moving frantically from my ass to my back to my chest. I was hard… so hard for her, and I couldn't wait to get her in my bed – our bed. Everything I filled my condo with I considered to be ours.

A quick ding sounded, announcing we'd reached my floor, and the doors slid open.

"You're sure your hand isn't broken or anything?" she asked breathlessly.

I shook my head, and my heart raced. "No, baby, it's fine. Don't worry about it."

"Good." Bella grabbed my other hand, pulling me toward the condo. "I have plans for you, and they don't involve sitting in an emergency room." She dragged her teeth along her bottom lip as I fumbled with the key.

_She had plans for me_. I took a deep breath, and images flashed through my head of her naked, lying on her back, lying on her stomach, her hands and mouth on my… "Do you?"

"Yes." Bella slammed the door shut behind us. "Do you know how hot you were tonight? How incredibly sexy you were when you punched him?"

"That turned you on?" I already knew it did, but I wanted to hear her say it. "Tell me."

Bella stretched up on the tips of her toes, her mouth next to my ear and whispered, "I want to make you feel good, Edward. I'm going to blow you."

I swallowed hard, clenching my jaw and squeezing my eyes shut. When she said things like that, it was a turn on. Nothing that had ever come out of her mouth sounded crude to me, but coming from anyone else... I don't know – it was different. Bella owned me - mind, body, and soul – I was hers. I felt connected to her in ways she'd probably never understand.

She made things better.

I loved her. I wish I could pinpoint the exact moment I knew. Actually, I realized now that it was probably the moment she walked into my lake house even though back then I was too stupid to see it. Or too scared.

We were soon standing in front of the couch, Bella unbuttoning the fly of my jeans. She tugged them down along with my boxers and laughed as she pushed me down on the couch. Bella sank down to her knees in front of me, wasting no time wrapping her hand around the base of my cock, and stroked.

"You know you don't have to do this," I said. _But please don't change your mind._ Although I never wanted her to think she _had_ to do anything.

"I'm not thanking you, Edward." Bella kissed the head of my length with an open mouth, and I squeezed the edge of the cushion. "I like doing this… a lot."

"I think I love you even more." Leaning back against the back of the couch, I tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, and she kissed down the side of my cock.

"What's not to love?"

"No one will ever touch you like that again."

"I know." Bella took me inside her mouth, sucking and licking further and further down.

Tilting my head back as her head bobbed up and down, I ran my fingers through her hair, guiding her. Her mouth was warm; her lips so fucking soft. _Fuck_… those lips… Christ she felt good.

I raised my hips, matching the movements of her head. She hummed as she sucked faster, harder, and I squeezed her hair in my hands.

"Jesus, Bella," I moaned, lifting my head to watch her. _So sexy._

My balls tightened and my dick throbbed. She peeked up at me she smiled and ran her tongue along my length and I nearly came undone.

"Please don't stop," I begged, so close to coming.

I was inside her mouth again, and she took me all the way in. I groaned as my head touched the back of her throat.

She stroked and sucked faster again, my cock hot and wet from her tongue. Her hand grasped tightly onto the base, my hips bucking gently into her mouth. I was on the edge.

Every muscle in my body tightened, my orgasm building, until finally my dick pulsated, releasing into her mouth.

Bella didn't pull back. She took everything in – she always did.

As I sank back into the couch, relaxed and incredibly content, I was amazed at the woman I was completely in love with.

Bella sat back on her heels, half-smiling. "Love you, baby," she said proudly.

"Cocky much?" I teased, because what she'd just done was evident by the stupid grin on my face. "I love you, too." _So fucking much_. "Take off your pants because it's my turn now."

**#####**

**First I want to thank my betas and pre-readers katinki01, sncmom, and askthemagic8ball. The three of them are just, well… remarkable. And thank you to mskathy for her, erm… visual inspiration on Twitter last night. **

**About the auction: I'm offering Edward's POV of the one shot that started Hints of Me - One Weekend. I can promise you it will not be like reading the one shot all over again. The winner(s) will get to see Edward before he met Bella, exactly what was going through his mind, what he did when she left him standing in the driveway of the rented lake house. There might even be some spoilers involved.**

**But that's not all… the winner(s) will also receive a video created by…drum roll, please… Petitbiel. Biel will make an accompanying video to go along with the one shot and dedicate it to the winner(s) on her youtube channel. Biel is the awesomely talented creator of videos for other fics such as MoTU, CW&IA, and Incubus Anomaly. She also made that little vid you might know for RPatzz's Details spread? Yeah… that's the one. Her youtube channel link is on my profile page as well, or you can visit her fanfiction(dot)net profile for all of her links.**

**So there you have it. As of right now, antiaol owns our asses. Get some of your friends and throw your money together because I hear she wants a bidding war. It's for an amazing cause… **

**Thank you and happy bidding.**


	19. I got high

**A/N: I don't own Twilight. **

**#-#-#**

Edward was talking on his phone in the other room while I loaded the ingredients for my share of tomorrow's Thanksgiving dinner. Rose and I had planned to prepare anything that could be done ahead of time at Renee's, and we were going to meet there in about an hour.

Tanya had closed the office a day early for the holiday just as she had every year. It was one of the several perks she gave her employees. She also was generous enough to allow us a week off between Christmas and New Year's which was when Edward and I decided to head to Hawaii. We had to wait to make definite arrangements until I knew when Renee's surgery was going to be scheduled. She'd avoided my questions by changing the subject; she'd gush over how big James and Lily were getting and how perfect Edward and I were together. It was out of character for her to be so positive, but it was nice for a change. I told myself she had a new outlook on life – isn't that what people tended to do when faced with a life altering situation? But no matter what I told myself, I still couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling that something was just off. Emmett said I worried too much, and Edward, well, he had a way of taking my mind off of things.

Edward and Jasper and Jasper's band mate, Peter, had become fast friends over the past few days. Peter had been trying to get his small advertising agency off the ground for the past year, and coincidentally, his goal was to work with socially conscious companies. Edward had apparently found that out while we were at the bar when Jasper's band was playing during the few minutes I'd gone to the bathroom and then been groped by Jake. My stomach still churned, remembering how disgusting it was to have Jake's hands and lips on me again. What the hell I had ever seen in him in the first place?

I felt Edward's hands slide around my waist from behind and pull me toward him as he nuzzled into my neck.

As I turned around, he placed his hands against the edge of the counter on either side of me. "How long do you think you'll be today?" he asked as I fisted his shirt.

"Not too long… I should be back by dinner. How long do you think you'll be with Peter and Jasper?"

"I'm not really sure. We're still talking about the possibility of my role in Peter's agency." Edward reached behind me and pulled a Granny Smith apple from the bag and then a knife from the drawer. As he sliced a small piece from the apple, he asked, "Don't take this the wrong way, but why is Jasper, whose background is in finance, who worked for a Fortune 500 company, and who is brilliant when it comes to the market, working for you as your assistant?"

Edward gestured toward the fruit in his hands, offering me a piece. "No, thanks. I don't know. I mean during his interview he said he wanted to focus on his band and wanted to do something reliable without the hassles of a high-paced job."

"Huh. Did you know that he and Peter met when they were little kids?"

I shook my head and turned, pulling out my one and only pie plate from the cabinet. I didn't really know anything about Jasper or Peter, and then I wondered briefly if Edward's involvement with Jasper would make work weird for us.

"Yeah, apparently, their moms had put them both in the Big Brothers program because their dads took off."

"So Peter's from Texas too?"

Stepping back, Edward leaned against the opposite counter. "I guess so. Anyway, long story short, they met, became best friends, went on their separate ways, and hooked up again a few years ago when Peter and Charlotte got married and moved here. He said he owes a lot to the Big Brother program and got the idea to give back so he created the agency." Edward sliced another piece of apple and took a bite. "It got me thinking about Seth."

"Are there no programs in Hawaii?"

"There are, but Alice said he wasn't interested at all because, 'Uncle Edward is the only big brother I need.'"

"Seth said that?" I asked and smiled, but at the same time I felt badly for both of them. "He's seven, right?"

"Mm hm. I realize a seven year old probably doesn't know what's best for him, but he's stubborn. Both Jane and Alice tried to convince him it would be good for him, but he wouldn't budge. Jane's not getting any younger, you know? She's tired and, according to Alice, gives in a lot. Alice gives up a lot of her personal time to be with him. She says she doesn't mind – she considers him family, but I… I don't know. I wish I could do more."

After Edward mentioned Jane's age, I thought about my mom. "How's her health?"

"Who?"

"Jane. Is she _healthy_?"

Edward nodded and looked toward the floor. "She is, but I don't know what will happen to him if she passes away."

"Would you ever consider adopt-"

His head shot up, stopping me mid-sentence. His brow was knitted, and he stared at me for a moment. "I was responsible for his mother's death, Bella. He'll figure that out one day. So no, I don't think adopting him if anything happens to Jane would be a good idea," he stated bluntly.

Edward's guilt about Seth hadn't come up in a long time, and a small part of me had hoped maybe he was letting it go. I didn't know why I thought that – maybe because he hadn't had any more nightmares since that one night, or he seemed perfectly whole on the outside lately. I rolled my eyes at myself, realizing he'd been beating himself up for three years, so why would weeks with me change that?

"Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

"Are you mad?" he asked, setting the knife and apple down. I shook my head as he walked toward me again, and I asked if he was angry with me. "No, of course not. It's just not an option." Edward took my chin between his thumb and forefinger and leaned down, giving me a single, soft kiss. His lips tasted sweet and tart at the same time. "Let's talk about something else, okay?" He kissed me once again, molding his body against mine. "Or do something else."

I felt his erection growing against my belly as he palmed my breast over my sweater. "You're insatiable," I said, threading my fingers in his hair and tugging. Edward laughed as he kissed my neck, squeezing my ass with his other hand. "It's getting late, and I have pies to bake."

"It's not that late," he retorted and glanced at the clock, hooking his fingers in the waist of my jeans and yanked. "I only need ten minutes."

"Well, geez, Edward, way to sweep a girl off her feet," I murmured.

He sighed dramatically, unbuttoning my jeans, tugging them down along with my panties. "Why do you have to be such a pain in the ass? I'm trying to fuck you."

"Oh, well, when you put it like that how could I possibly refuse? Fuck away, Cullen." I laughed, waving my hands as I toed off my shoes and kicked my jeans to the side. As Edward rose, he dragged the tips of his fingers along my outer thighs then unbuttoned the fly of his jeans. His eyes lost their spark, even though we were just teasing each other.

I didn't like it. I hated seeing the look he had on his face. But I still wanted him, and I'd let him have me any way he wanted if it made him feel better.

He tugged his jeans and boxers down just enough to pull out his length and backed me into the refrigerator.

"Hold on to me," he said quietly, lifting my wrists to his neck, and then hoisted me up – the back of my head hitting the freezer door. Edward apologized as he entered me. "I love you. I love you so much."

"I love you too, baby," I replied. His thrusts started slow, but quickened. I had to reach behind me and grab the top of the freezer door with one hand to brace myself and locked my ankles behind him.

Edward dipped his head, pressing his smooth cheek against mine, holding my ass tightly in his hands. "Bella," he whispered. "Bella…"

"I know." I could hear it in his voice - the pain that stemmed from my question about Seth. I kissed the lobe of his ear, the tip of my tongue darting out against it as he thrust harder and faster, grunting with every push. Still gripping the top of the freezer door with one hand, I held onto the back of his neck even tighter with the other. The refrigerator rocked with every thrust; enough so the silk plant that sat on top as a decoration fell to the floor with a crash.

Edward stilled, pulsating and coming inside me. He leaned into me with all of his weight, moving a hand to my side and gripping the flesh so tightly it was... _painful_.

"Edward," I rasped and grabbed onto his hand. He buried his face in my neck, his erratic breathing scared me. But what was even more alarming was that he didn't respond when I said his name. "Edward," I repeated quietly, "let go."

Squeezing his hand, I said his name again. His head snapped up, his eyes wide, and his forehead was covered in sweat. Edward's lips parted as he stared at me.

"Are you... are you okay?" I stuttered nervously. Edward looked confused or concerned - I couldn't tell. His hold of me slackened, and I stood, sandwiched between him and the refrigerator.

"Shit," he said, clenching his eyes shut. "Shit."

"What-" I started, but Edward clasped his hands around my face and pressed his mouth to mine before I could ask him what the hell was going on.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he said between kisses.

I kissed him back.

I kissed him back because I loved him. I kissed him back because instead of stopping him and asking him why in a matter of minutes he went from funny, sarcastic, and sexy to a place of despondency, unknowingly digging his fingers into my side, I knew he needed me.

I needed him, too.

Edward brushed my hair away from my face, pressing his forehead against mine. "It's okay," I said.

He shook his head slightly, and his eyes were still closed. "No." His voice was barely audible.

"Edward..." I slid my hand up under his shirt; his heart was pounding, "come lie down with me." He sucked in a shaky breath, and I asked again. "Please?"

"You have to go," he said and cleared his throat. "I'm supposed to meet Jasper and Peter."

"We'll be late. No big deal."

"Bella, I-"

"Just for a little while."

Edward and I slipped under the covers of my bed. I'd put my panties back on but removed my sweater, and Edward wore just his boxers. I wanted to be able to touch his skin and for him to be able to feel mine.

I traced my fingertips over his eyebrows, his cheek, and down his jaw, and he smiled slightly.

Edward scooted closer, laying his head on my shoulder, and draped his arm over my stomach. "You're warm."

"So are you."

"Your heart's beating so fast." Edward ran the pad of his thumb over the line of my ribs.

"Is it?" It was.

"I um... that was... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"I know."

A few quiet moments passed, and I asked, "Would you ever lie to me?"

"No," he answered without hesitation.

"Okay."

We didn't say anything more. I'd ask him what happened another time.

###

I was an hour late getting to Renee's. Rose's new crossover SUV was parked along the curb, and I pulled in behind her. Emmett had wanted her to choose a minivan, but she'd have none of that. The crossover was as far as she would bend, which considering Rose's particular taste in cars – expensive, luxury cars, not sports utility vehicles - she bent a lot.

Edward seemed… _better_ when we he left to meet Jasper and Peter. If he hadn't, I probably wouldn't have come to Renee's.

When I opened the front door, Phil was, as usual, sitting on the couch with a newspaper in hand, flipping through channels on the television. He greeted me with a hello and told me the women are in the kitchen.

I rolled my eyes and smelled onions and celery coming from the kitchen… _where the women were. _

Rose sat at the table, feeding Lily who lay complacently in her arms.

"Where's James?" I asked and set my bags on the counter. Save a pan or two and utensils in the sink, the kitchen was relatively empty. Renee wasn't there either. "Did you finish everything already? Where's mom?"

"James is home with Em, almost, and your mom is outside." Rose looked down at Lily and rubbed Lily's cheek with her pinky finger as she held the bottle to her mouth.

Craning my neck, I could see the back of Renee sitting in a wooden chair in the yard. Her head was tilted back as though she was looking at the sun, and then she turned her head and blew out a thin stream of smoke.

"Is she smoking?" _What the hell?_

Rose's mouth was a hard, flat line, and she quirked a brow as she looked up at me. "You need to talk to her."

"What's going on, Rose?"

Rose shook her head.

"Tell me."

She sighed and looked out the sliding glass door. "It's not good, Bella."

Crossing my arms over my chest, I heard Phil come in behind me. "Your mom hasn't been very forthcoming with you."

I turned. "What do you mean?" Dammit. I knew I should have trusted my gut. She lied to me. I wasn't sure what hurt more; the fact that she didn't trust me enough to tell me the truth or that she was worse than what she'd led me to believe.

Rose and Phil looked at each other.

"Someone tell me what the hell is going on," I spat. I was hot and pissed that they weren't saying anything, or maybe I was angry because Rose knew, and I didn't.

Standing with Lily in her arms, Rose handed the baby off to Phil while I waited impatiently for an explanation.

"Well?" I asked as he left the room.

"I got here a little early, so we decided to start chopping vegetables, peeling potatoes, et cetera. After you called to say you were running late, Renee said how thrilled she was for you because you found someone to make you happy. I agreed, and then she started asking questions about Em and me, about our future and telling me what good parents we are. But it was weird, you know, like she was going through a checklist."

"Okay, and…" I gestured with my hand for her to continue. I was being curt - I knew this, but…

"I asked her flat out why the sudden change in her demeanor – not one thing she said about you or Em was cynical. She didn't answer. Instead, she was quiet for a few minutes, and then she just looked at me and started to cry."

I closed my eyes, not really wanting to hear anymore. I didn't need to, and I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. "Did she say how long?"

"No."

_Fuck_.

"What's she doing now?" Opening my eyes, I nodded toward the yard.

"Phil said she's in a lot of pain, and her doctor prescribed something to help."

"She's getting high?" I was numb.

Rose nodded. "Why don't you go out and talk to her."

"Yeah, okay." I started to walk toward the door, and then turned back to Rose. "I'll call Dad tonight. Are you going to tell Em?"

"Charlie already knows, Bella," Phil said, walking back into the kitchen.

Why was everyone keeping this such a big secret?

"How long has my dad known?" I asked incredulously.

"Your mom begged him not to say anything. She just wanted everyone to have a nice Thanksgiving together. She was going to tell you and your brother afterward."

Tell us what? Hey, hope you enjoyed the pumpkin pie the other day. The turkey was delicious and, oh, by the way, I lied to you about the doctors being hopeful - I'm really dying.

With that thought came more nausea and anger… and fear. I wanted Edward. I wanted him to walk through my mom's front door and tell me everything was going to be okay.

"I'm going to talk to Em tonight, Bella," Rose said.

I nodded, grasping onto the door handle and slid the door open. The scent of the weed Renee was smoking was strong – I wondered briefly if her neighbors knew just how sick she was, too.

Sitting in the chair next to Renee, I didn't look at her. Maybe I was afraid to look in her eyes because I had so many emotions surging through me. But then I thought of what she was going through all of _her_ emotions. Mine suddenly seemed insignificant.

"It's a gorgeous day, don't you think?" she asked.

"It is," I agreed. "It's supposed to rain tomorrow, though. I guess we won't get to play our annual Turkey Bowl."

I'd almost forgotten all about the touch football game we played before we ate every year.

Emmett's team always won.

I could see her shrug from my periphery. "A little rain never hurt anyone. I think Charlie actually bought a cheap trophy this year. Remember he promised every year he'd get one for the next year?"

"Yeah."

Renee took another hit and held it in before blowing the smoke away from us.

"You could have told me, Mom."

"No, Bella, I really couldn't."

My God, she was so calm. I guessed it was because she was either high or she'd accepted. I didn't know, and it didn't really matter.

"Will you tell me now?" I gripped the arms of the chair and fixed my eyes on an orange leaf dangling from a maple a few feet away.

Renee turned her head toward me and extended her hand. "Want some?"

I looked down at the joint between her fingers and then back at her. My mom wanted me to get high with her.

"I have plenty," she said simply.

What a fucking day.

I'd gotten high twice in my life. Once with my best friend at the time, Liz, when we were fifteen, and the other time was with Jake a couple of years later.

Taking the joint, I took a long drag, probably too long because it burned my throat, and I coughed. I held in what smoke I hadn't coughed out for a few seconds. Renee smiled.

"Do you know why I've always been so hard on you?"

I shook my head, offering the joint back to her but she refused, waving it off.

"That's too bad, because neither do I." She smiled. "I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and all the times I told you your grades could be better when you were younger or mentioned something about your hair or clothes was such a waste of time." Renee shifted, resting the side of her head against the back of the chair, and I took another drag of the joint – my body becoming quite relaxed. "Look at you now, my sweet girl, how successful you are. You are now and have always been beautiful. Your Edward is a lucky man." She paused for a moment and began to chuckle. "Jake was an ass. God love you for putting up with him for so long."

_Wait. What?_

"I thought you liked Jake," I said incredulously, holding in the smoke.

"Eh." She shrugged. "He was too macho. He was nice to look at, but all muscle, no brain." Renee pointed to her temple. "Now, Edward, on the other hand… he's well, he's the whole package, isn't he?"

My head started to feel like I was floating, but my arms began to feel heavy, and I looked down at what was left of the joint. "What's in this?" I was already stoned after a couple of hits.

"It's good, isn't it? Apparently, they only give the terminal patients the really good stuff."

"Mom, don't say that."

"I know this is brand new to you, but I've had some time to let it sink in. Look, I'll tell you what's going on, but I don't want you or your brother to dwell on a bunch of what ifs or try to persuade me in any way. Okay?"

"I'm not making any promises, but I'll do my best." I took another drag and almost burned the tips of my thumb and index finger. _Shit_. I should have been freaking out about Renee, but I wasn't. _Damn_.

Renee handed me a small, metal ashtray. "Well, try because I don't want to cry about it anymore."

"Okay, Mom." _Geez_.

"In a nutshell, the tumor didn't change in size, and they also found a spot on my liver. My oncologist suggested we try a combination of radiation and chemo and see what happens." She reached in the pocket of her sweater, pulling out another joint and a lighter and held it in front of her face. "Phil rolled this one. It's too skinny though." Renee looked back at me. "Want some more?"

"Yeah." Why wasn't I crying? I should have been crying. "You're getting me wasted on purpose, aren't you?"

Renee shrugged me off, lighting the second joint and continued. "But I don't want to do that. Surgery is too risky, the odds aren't in my favor, and I'm not a candidate for any other procedures, so… here we are."

Thirty minutes passed, I thought, maybe – I had no idea, but it seemed like a long time, and the sun started to set. Renee and I stared at the sky as it changed colors. I looked over to her, wanting to comment on the patterns of pink and orange and blue, but she was hugging herself.

"Are you cold?" I asked, and she shrugged. "You shrug a lot. I'll go get you a blanket."

It was getting chilly, and when I went inside to grab a couple of throws, the smell of onions, celery, and something really sweet penetrated my nose. I hadn't realized how hungry I was and rubbed my stomach. Looking around the room, I saw a pie sitting on the stove.

"Aw, Rose baked my pie." Wait, where did she go? "Rose?"

"She left."

"Phil?"

"You two okay out there?" He yelled from the other room.

"Yeah. Mom's cold, so I came in for a blanket." I broke a tiny piece of crust and popped it in my mouth. _Holy shit, that's good_. Phil walked up behind me and handed me two of the softest blankets I think I'd ever felt. "You really do love her."

He nodded. "Let me know when you're ready to leave, and I'll give you a ride home."

"No, no, no. You should stay with Mom. I'll call Edward." I looked down at the pie. "Can I have this?"

Renee laughed, which turned into guffaws when I came back with my hands full. "That's for tomorrow!"

I shrugged. "See, I can do it too." I did it again for effect. "Want some? I have two forks."

"I shouldn't, but what the hell."

"So, Mom," I chuckled.

"Yes, Bella."

"How long have you been getting high?" I asked and shoved a mound of the best apple pie I'd ever tasted into my mouth.

"Excuse me?"

With my mouth half-full, I explained, "You know, high, stoned, smoking reefer, celebrating four-twenty, consuming cannabis?"

She snorted. "Why are you asking?"

"Because we should have done this a long time ago. God, I feel really good. Do you?"

"You're silly. Let's talk boys. Are you being safe?"

"Yes," I laughed. "Are you?"

"Oh, please, Phil and I haven't had sex in months," she huffed. "And it's not like I need to worry about that stuff anyway."

"That sucks." I scooped out another piece of heaven and ate it. "Because Edward… is just… mm mm mm. Like _all the time_. He's just… yum."

I looked up at Renee, her mouth was hanging open and we both burst into giggles.

We laughed harder, and I slunk down into the chair, cradling my pie. Shit, I felt so heavy.

And then we were quiet again.

Someone cleared their throat behind us, and we both turned to see who it was.

Edward was leaning against the door jam, and I smiled lazily.

"Hi," he said cautiously and walked down the steps toward us. Phil followed him out.

"Hi," Renee and I repeated together and started giggling again.

"You okay?" he asked, smirking.

"Mm hmm. Did I call you?" Did I? I didn't remember calling him.

"No, Phil did," he answered and looked toward Renee and smiled

Renee slowly lifted herself out of the chair. "Well, I'm beat so I think we should call it a night. I'll see you both tomorrow at two?"

Phil said he'd clean up, and we said our goodbyes.

Once Edward and I were in his car he asked again if I was all right. I replied that I was because in that moment everything seemed fine. I assumed Phil had told him what was going on when he called.

Edward said his meeting with Jasper and Peter went well. He may have said more, but I was getting really sleepy, and it was hard to concentrate on what he was saying.

The next thing I knew, Edward was rubbing my arm, whispering that we were home: the condo.

I was exhausted, so we didn't really talk as we got ready for bed and then crawled under the covers. As though it was instinctual, I molded my body into his and closed my eyes.

"Sleep well, baby," he whispered.

The next morning I awoke still wrapped in Edward's arms feeling calm and relaxed. All too quickly my heart sank because I realized this would probably be the last Thanksgiving I would have with my mom.

**#-#-#-#**-

Thanks for your patience waiting for the chapter. And also thank you to sncmom and askthemagic8ball who stayed up way past their bedtimes to beta this sucker. As always, I love them hard.

FGB update: Congratulations and thank you to js123 and BruinChick for bidding and winning the EPOV outtake of One Weekend and video by Biel. Those two generously paid $125. Thank you to everyone who placed a bid and purchased something through FGB not only on my auction, but on everything offered. To date, FGB's total funds raised are over $137,000. That's pretty incredible.

Thank you for reading, reviewing and adding Hints. I'm on Twitter 22bluefic and there's also a thread on Twilighted if you want to discuss.


	20. I wavered

A/N: I don't own Twilight.

**###**

The table was set with Renee's finest china and crystal glasses. Lit tapered candles were sitting on either side of the god awful cornucopia centerpiece she'd brought out of the attic every year. The thing was just ugly. There was no other word for it: wax fruit and plastic berries shoved in a wicker horn – horrendous.

I made a mental note to ask Phil if I could have it.

Was it morbid for me to already start making lists? Part of me thought so, but another part felt justified not wanting to forget anything, not wanting to allow these little insignificant things to vanish when – _if -_ I lost my mom. I was still hopeful.

When I woke up this morning, I was wrapped in Edward's arms and didn't move for a few minutes. He stirred, squeezed me to his chest and kissed me behind my ear.

I told him it was going to be a really good day.

After we got up, showered, and dressed we drove to the store and bought apples so I could bake another pie.

Hours later we kicked Emmett's and Rose's asses in the Turkey Bowl. That might have had something to do with James being on our team and Edward carrying him over the invisible goal line for five consecutive touchdowns. James held onto the Nerf football in his mini-death grip, spiking it and dancing obnoxiously each time – no doubt something Emmett had taught him. The trophy Charlie and Sue picked up was proudly set in front of James' plate at the table.

Edward rested his arm along the back of my chair, idly twisting my hair in his fingers after we finished eating. James fell asleep in his chair; his head was lolled back, his mouth wide open, until Emmett scooped him up to lay him down on the couch in the other room. Sue and Renee were in a deep discussion about something – I wasn't really paying attention – and Charlie and Phil were on their second helpings of turkey. Rose handed Lily to me so she could bring out dessert but only after giving me a hard time about it.

Almost instinctively, I nuzzled my nose against Lily's pudgy cheek, inhaling her smell; only babies possessed that distinct scent that could make anyone feel all warm and fuzzy inside. She finally had a smattering of blonde peach fuzz on her head, and she'd grown… a lot. Her chubby legs and arms were covered in rolls of fat. And she was probably the most gorgeous baby I'd ever seen. Of course, I may have been a little biased.

I peeked up at Edward who was smiling at me contently. "Do you want to go to the lake this weekend?" he asked and then licked his thumb and wiped a small part of the side of my neck. "You didn't get all the dirt off from the game."

Out of my periphery, I could see Renee watching us. She had this very coy look on her face, and the two of us just started giggling. I knew by the way she was looking at me she was thinking about the conversation we'd had the night before about Edward and his, um, _needs_.

"What?" Edward asked, his forehead crinkling up.

My god he was adorable when he was confused.

"I'll tell you later," I said, still chuckling. "Can we leave tomorrow?"

"Sure." He nodded, looking back and forth between Renee and me.

As Edward took a sip of his wine I leaned toward him and whispered, "I was bragging about your skills last night."

Edward nearly choked, gulping and coughing at the same time, his face turning bright red.

"You okay there, Edward?" Charlie asked, clearly not having a clue what we were talking about.

Edward raised his hand, signaling he was fine while still coughing, and glared at me. He wasn't angry; he just gave me one of those 'You're in such deep shit when we get home tonight, I might have to spank you' looks. Okay, maybe that's not exactly what his expression said, but for some very strange reason that's where my mind went. I couldn't stop laughing as Emmett and Rose came back into the room.

"What'd I miss?" Em asked, helping Rose with the desserts and plates.

"Nothing," I replied and handed Lily back to Rose, feeling a little squicky about having random sex thoughts of Edward while holding my niece.

Emmett narrowed his eyes, looking between Edward and me. "Doesn't look like it was nothing, Belly."

"Em, seriously, you didn't miss anything." I insisted, still chuckling – he always hated not knowing exactly what was going on.

It wasn't _that_ funny, but Edward's face was still red as he looked at me shaking his head.

I guess Emmett felt the need to make Edward feel comfortable... at my expense. Em was just odd like that or maybe it was because he still had a guy crush on Edward, or my brother was being the obnoxious, big lug he always was.

"I hope my sister hasn't fooled you into thinking she's all sweet and innocent, Edward, because she's far from it."

I rolled my eyes, Edward's enlarged. "Really, Em?"

"I just think he needs to know what he's getting himself into." Emmett winked at me.

"Are we doing this?" I asked. _If we are, it's so on._

"What, um… what's going on?" Edward asked.

"Get comfortable, Edward," Charlie laughed as Rose and everyone else at the table nodded in agreement. "This could take a while."

"Has Belly ever told you why I call her that?" Emmett addressed Edward, sitting back in his chair, folding his massive arms across his equally massive chest.

"Ah, no, but I think I'm about to find out."

"She used to have a tattoo of the Backstreet Boys on her stomach. It was like a little Mount Rushmore boy band tribute right across her belly button." Emmett smiled, taunting me.

"Yeah, I did." I shrugged and looked at Edward. "But I had to have it lasered off because Emmett contracted Hepatitis C from a dirty needle. I donated part of my liver so he could survive. The scar was so unsightly – the incision went right across Howie's face."

"Oh, Bella!" Renee chided.

"Come on, Mom. You know that needle was left on her bedroom floor, and I stepped on it while vacuuming that one day." Emmett turned to Edward. "I always had to cover for her and do her chores because she was typically passed out. I didn't want Mom and Dad busting her," he explained, forcing a concerned expression.

"Em, such lies. You know that needle came from the crack lab you started in the basement," I retorted, looking at Edward who now had his elbow resting on the back of his chair. I think he was enjoying this. "He dealt at school. Dad, you know the Jeep he purchased was not bought with money from his part-time job at Dominos, right?" I stated, making air quotes.

Emmett leaned further back into his chair, rubbing his hands over his thighs and smirked. _Shit_. He had something good.

His face dropped as he looked at our parents, conjuring up the saddest expression possible. _Double shit_.

"Mom… Dad, it's true. I had to deal drugs in high school in order to pay for Belly's transgender surgery, remember? Edward, dude, she was once a guy."

I glared at Emmett as he waggled his eyebrows. Edward just started to laugh as did the rest of the table. My dad's feeble attempt to scold Emmett for his remark held no consequence since he was laughing too.

_Crap, crap, crap. Think Bella._

"Ten seconds, Belly." Emmett announced, glancing at his watch. If one of us took longer than twenty seconds to answer the other was declared the winner.

_Dammit_.

"Five, four, three…"

Edward leaned over, whispered something in my ear, and then I shouted, "Emmett is selling his construction company and moving to Los Angeles so he can star in adult films made just for men!"

Emmett's shoulders dropped, and he stared at Edward. "Dude."

Everyone at the table was quiet after that, and Edward and I peeked at each other out of our periphery. Had we gone over the line? _Crap, again_.

Charlie cleared his throat, narrowing his eyes at Edward before turning toward Emmett. "Make me proud, son."

"Yes!" I cheered and high-fived Edward, throwing in a fist-pump or two for good measure. Not so surreptitiously, I slid James' trophy from across the table to sit in front of me.

"Cheat," Emmett said flatly, and I stuck out my tongue at him.

Not long after I crowned myself victor over the insult battle between Emmett and me – something we initially started when we were teenagers in order to deflect the blame for something we'd done to the other – Edward and I decided it was time to go home.

I squeezed my mom goodbye, and she thanked me for a memorable Thanksgiving. It wasn't just me, I knew this, and I also knew she'd say the same thing to my brother.

Emmett and I hadn't talked about our mom yet. We only acknowledged her situation by saying, "Later," to each other.

Edward went ahead to the car as Charlie wrapped his arm around my shoulder as he walked us out.

"You could have told me, Dad," I said quietly, looking toward the ground.

Charlie kissed the top of my head. "Your mom asked me not to, sweetheart. I hope you understand her reasons why. She didn't want to put anymore stress on you and Emmett. I'd probably do the same thing."

I shrugged and didn't say anything, not wanting to end on a sad note after such a wonderful day.

"I'm glad you found Edward; he's a good guy." I nodded in agreement. "Especially since he'll still date you even after knowing about your surgery."

"Dad!" I shoved Charlie and he chuckled. Charlie kissed my cheek and said goodbye then waved to Edward. "Take care of my little girl."

"I intend to." Edward opened the door for me, and I slid into the leather seat of his Porsche. I grinned, my stomach a little fluttery from their exchange.

We swung by my house and picked up a few things to pack for the lake and then went to his condo. After we went to bed, Edward mentioned he was curious about my 'former tattoo' and wanted to inspect the area. An hour later, he said he couldn't believe he'd just had sex with someone who used to be a guy.

I used his razor to shave my legs the next morning.

But then I told him.

####

We made the trip to Smith Mountain Lake in three and a half hours. Traffic wasn't bad, but we took our time and stopped off to pick up groceries. The house was spotless, but had a bit of a stale smell to it after not being occupied for a few weeks, so Edward opened the sliding glass door to the deck to let in some fresh air.

I loved coming down here. It was so quiet and serene. The backdrop was mostly deep green spotted with the orange, red, and yellow leaves that still clung to their branches.

The lake bore resemblance to a smoky blue circle of glass. Everything was just so… still.

Edward and I camped out on the deck under thick blankets and read most of the afternoon. He handed me _The Pillars of the Earth _and a Heineken when we first sat down while he had a copy of _The Guns of August. _At first I wasn't so sure if I was going to be at all interested in a novel set in the twelfth century let alone being intimidated by the size of it, but the next thing I knew I had become so engrossed in the story that I was holding up the book to the light emanating from inside the house because it had gotten too dark to read outside.

That night we went to Garrett's restaurant, Benjamin's, for dinner and because it was off season, the place was practically empty. Both Garrett and Ben sat with us while we ate. I really liked them.

Before Edward and I went to bed, I said, "I could get used to this."

"That offer is still on the table, Swan," Edward reminded me and leaned down to kiss me. He pulled back just a little, the tips of our noses barely touching, and whispered, "I told you… quit your job, and move in here with me."

For the first time, I actually thought about it.

I wasn't sure what woke me – I hadn't been dreaming. In fact, I couldn't remember when I'd last dreamed about anything. When I glanced at the clock, I saw that it was a little after three in the morning. I hated waking up in the middle of the night. It didn't matter if I could easily fall back asleep again or not, I still felt as if I'd been up all night anyway.

I rolled over to face Edward, bunching the comforter around my neck. He was sound asleep, lying on his back; one hand over his bare stomach and the other lying above his head. I watched him sleep, my eyes adjusting quickly to the dim light in the dark room thanks to the moon reflecting off the lake below.

It was as I looked at him - his lips barely parted, the small bump on the bridge of his nose, the few freckles scattered on his shoulder and feeling the warmth coming off him - that out of nowhere, I'd been thrown into one of those moments of complete and utter awareness. In that split second I realized he wasn't a dream or just my boyfriend or even the best part of my life.

He was all that, though.

It was that second when I realized he was more. He was part of me.

I'd never once doubted being in love with him, not once, but in that instant it became so much more real.

His fingers twitched then he flexed and constricted them, and I reached out to touch him. I lightly traced my fingers down his bicep, chills running down my spine even though his skin was so warm, and then he flattened his hand over his stomach.

Edward drew in a breath as I languidly moved my fingers down his forearm to his hand. I touched his chest, and it was… _damp_.

He was sweating.

With the back of my hand, I lightly touched his cheek, and then his forehead. He didn't feel so warm that he might have had a fever, yet his face felt clammy too. I thought about waking him, but if he _was_ sick wouldn't it be best that I didn't? Or maybe I should so he could take a couple of acetaminophen just in case a fever was starting.

I didn't really know what to do, and when I moved my hand away from him, he sucked in a quick breath, and his eyes flew open.

Edward stared at the ceiling for a moment before raking his hands through his hair.

"Hey," I whispered, "are you okay?"

Lowering his arms, Edward turned his head toward me, frowning. "Did I wake you?"

"No, I thought I woke you. Are you feeling all right? You're sweating."

"Yeah, I just…" he turned away and scrubbed his hands over his face. "It's okay. Go back to sleep, baby."

Edward grimaced, squeezing his eyes shut, and I knew he was _not_ okay.

Propping myself on my elbow, I asked, "You had a bad dream, didn't you?"

"No, no, I'm fine. Go back to sleep, babe." He smiled, which was the worst excuse for a genuine smile I'd ever seen, and then he reached up to kiss me.

"It's pretty obvious that it's not." I sat up and looked down at my hands, nervously picking at my nails. "This is why I asked you the other day if you'd ever lie to me."

_Because I'm not going to let you avoid this – whatever it is that's going on inside your head._

_Because you're so much more important to me than I thought possible._

I swallowed hard, my heart beating a little faster before looking back at him. He was just staring blankly at me, and maybe I shocked him with what I'd said, but Edward had to stop pretending everything was fine.

_Fine_.

He could use that word as much as he wanted, but it wasn't going to change anything.

"Bella," he sighed and then sat up. "I… not now, okay?"

"Why not now?"

Edward peeked around me. "Because it's three-thirty in the morning. Look, if you want, we can talk about this tomorrow… or later today."

I shook my head. "I'm wide awake. This is the second nightmare you've had – that I've seen – and there was that other thing that happened a few days ago while we were having… in the kitchen. You've got to talk to me, Edward."

"You really don't need this right now."

"Why? Because of my mom? I'm worried about you, and if you're concerned that I can't handle what you've got going on too, well, you're wrong."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do. It's harder _not_ knowing. I can't stand the thought of you bottling up everything inside. Especially if you're doing it for my sake. Just tell me."

Edward anxiously chewed the inside of his cheek, his nostrils flaring a little, and it was quiet between us for a few minutes before he finally spoke.

"It's always there, you know? Over the past few months it's gotten better, easier, especially after meeting you. I can't explain why, but, I don't know. I feel human again." He smiled, pausing, and I offered a small smile in return. "But there are times when I can't get these images and sounds out of my head. I try to push them down. Like the other day in the kitchen. I was fine, but knowing Seth is going to figure it out one day was just… _simmering_. The harder I tried to think about something else or concentrate on you, the more prevalent that feeling became. And the nightmares? There have only been the two since we've been together. They came a little more frequently before I met you.

Edward looked down and casually clucked his tongue.

"So, um… that's basically it."

That's it? Did he really think he was going to get off that easily? I'd never claimed to be an expert on the human psyche, and I was the first to admit that I didn't always have my shit together. Would it really have been wise to just let him stop there?

It took me all of three seconds to weigh my options of letting it go and run the risk of allowing his guilt to fester and therefore, one day, undoubtedly, explode, or keep questioning him and chance him getting angry with me for possibly opening up that wound a little further.

"I think there's more," I said. "I think you're giving me a condensed version. And I don't think it's fair that you've been so good to me with the stuff about my mom and not allow me do the same for you."

"You have… you _are_, Bella. You don't understand."

"Try me."

Edward shook his head again, looking down at his lap. "You're not going to let this go, are you?" he mumbled.

"No," I answered, wringing my hands. "If you don't want to talk to me, I'd go with you to talk to-"

"I've done that. I tried talking to someone, and it didn't help." He laced his fingers behind his neck, still looking down.

"Maybe you can try again. I just think that-"

"You weren't there, okay." Edward's head shot up, his eyes squinting. "You weren't there when Claire was screaming… she was fucking _screaming_ over the radio. I hear it, Bella. Sometimes I hear it as clearly as you talking to me. _I_ was the one who had to get Seth to sleep at night because he wouldn't let anyone else do it, not Jane, not anyone else from the hangar… he wanted me. Ironic, isn't it, considering it was my fault?"

"Edward…"

"How about the couple that was also killed because of _my_ lack of judgment?" His voice began to crack. "I had to look at their parents, sitting across from me in an attorney's office because they filed a civil suit against me, and try to explain how sorry I was. Do you think anyone wants to hear a pathetic excuse as to why their twenty-six year old children died because of a so-called fluke? Yeah, that's what they blamed it on… a fluke." Edward huffed, shaking his head. "We settled ten months ago."

_Jesus_. I'd always assumed that anything legal he'd dealt with would have been over within a year after the accident. Then again, how would I know if he never told me?

"Edw-"

His face tensed, and his eyes welled with tears. "Who… who do you think held Seth's hand during his mother's funeral?" Edward started crying as I moved closer to him. He pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, both of us crying now, and I climbed onto his lap, straddling his as I pried his hands away. "I'm a fucking fraud, Bella."

"No, you're not," I said, wiping his tears, holding his face in my hands.

"Yeah, I am," he rasped, tears streaming down his face. "I shouldn't have gone back. I should have just set up his trust and left him alone, but I couldn't. I had to make sure he was all right." Edward fisted the sides of my tank; his hands were shaking.

"Don't do this to yourself," I pleaded. It was killing me, seeing him like this. My heart was pounding inside my chest, and there was a lump that felt like it was the size of a golf ball in my throat. "You have to stop this, Edward. It wasn't your fault."

Edward pressed his forehead against my chest, wrapping his arms around my waist. "It won't go away, Bella. I just want it to stop."

"It's okay," I whispered, my lips touching his hair. "I love you." Edward lifted his head, his eyes wet and puffy, and I kissed him. He shook his head in doubt. I should have stopped right there, but I couldn't help myself. Drying my face with my hands, I said, "Everything's going to be fine. I promise."

_Hypocrite._ I mentally slapped myself for using that word: _fine_. I hated that word now. And I was angry for making a promise I wasn't sure I could keep, especially to Edward.

The worst part of it all? I didn't know if I could handle it.

**###**

A/N Thank you to me betas supreme; sncmom and askthemagic8ball. The little competition between Bella and Emmett actually stemmed from 'conversations' the three of us have had on Facebook. Emmett and Bella's battle was quite tame compared to our obnoxious mud slinging.

Thanks to you guys, too, for reading, adding, and reviewing. Your comments blow me away sometimes. You're all truly amazing.

Askthemagic8ball's poems will return when the chapters are a little lighter.


End file.
